Perspective of an adopted Son!

Hi Cissy,


In response to your question. I looked around at all of the kids I have worked with and I saw many differences in how they were raised. Kids from disrupted childhoods or absent parent childhoods had toxic stress chemicals that had already left a permeant pathway. I had a dysfunctional past which gave me a gift and insight to help others. We saw each other as misplaced, and undeserving. We didn't know that our lives were different, we just thought we were different because our normal was different. Kids treated us different, but not because they meant to. They did because they were themselves acting out of their own wounds and fears. Just as we would because our world was threatened. We either broke down, or we learned to constantly scan the environment for safety, and for survival. I have come to the conclusion that healthy people do healthy things. I started examining the ingredients of what makes people healthy, and the common denominator is toxic stress. My brain was wired with and for toxic stress because of the environment, and our parents are subject to that same environment. Adults are just children with bills. What wired our parents for toxic stress and environmental toxins? Why could they not work their problems out, our stop from turning them on each other and or their children. The best picture I can relate is a plant. When you give the wrong ingredients; a plant will wither, slump over, not produce flowers, or die, but with the right ingredients; CO2, warmth, sun light, fertile soil, water, nutrients, light and dark cycles, It will thrive. We are the same. So I see that in every relationship, and in every life, their are ingredients that produce life, and that drain life. Is it our fault the ingredients are good? Sometimes yes, and sometimes no, but as ACEs says, we ask not What's wrong with you, but What happened to you. That is my best answer. Resiliency factors are good in how we work on our environments, and using all our senses to explore those things that bring us joy and peace. Let me know how you see this. I appreciate other perspectives because that is how I grow. Thanks, Matt

Thanks sharing this Matt:

You wrote:

"This works the same for divorce. Healthy people don't hurt or abandon their children, so what happened to my parents to cause them to abandon me at birth?"

Can I ask how you got to this wisdom and perspective? For me, a kid abandoned by one parent, I was just mad for a long time. My compassion and understanding about intergenerational trauma is growing.

I still have a range of feelings but hurt/mad isn't the ALL of it.

Thanks again for posting here!

Cissy