While we know ACEs have a profound impact on our adult health, it's good to be reminded that some of our adult choices and relationships also have a profound impact.
This Ted Talk by Robert Waldinger does a nice job of summarizing the research findings from about 75 years of studying 700 men. Men who got brain scans, blood work, were interviewed and filled out questionnaires. Men who had vastly different childhood experiences.
Robert Waldinger said:
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men. The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College. They all finished college during World War II,and then most went off to serve in the war. And the second group that we've followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, boys who were chosen for the study specifically because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s. Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.
When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed. They were given medical exams. We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents. And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life. They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors, one President of the United States. Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top, and some made that journey in the opposite direction.
What were the major findings?
What was a key message?
What were some of the results?
"Good relationships keep us happier and healthier," Walding said. "Those who had the most satisfying relationships at 50," he said, "were the healthiest at 80."
Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could find out the ACE scores of all of these men? I wonder if it would be possible to know which lifestyle choices mitigated some of the impact of high ACE scores?
Even without knowing the ACE connection, this study offers hope. It talks about how pain itself, is managed better and impacts mood less in the people with strong relationships, whereas for those without them the pain can be magnified. It talks about how loneliness can be toxic and bad for health.
We can only imagine that this is also true for children.
This is true for adults - so we can imagine it's potent for children too.
For those of us who have found relationships to be dangerous or toxic, it can be hard to believe how important and necessary strong ones are.
But it's good to be reminded that they can and should be. And when they are, they improve our health.
For me, it's a reminder to teach my daughter to prioritize her relationships, not only with her parents but also with her peers, her community of classmates or those on her dance team.
And making sure I walk the talk and do the same.
I often put fun and joy and even friends off when I'm busy, like there's too much going on to have a personal life.
This study is a good reminder that the protective power of love, attachment and relationships are important for all of us at all ages and stages of life.
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