Self Care Isn’t Enough When You Parent Complex Kids (huffingtonpost.com)

Dana Brown (PACEs Connection Staff) 9/24/179:15 AM

I believe in self-care, truly I do, but (you know what they say about "but," ignore everything before it) it's like offering a candy bar to someone suffering from malnourishment. It will taste great and give a momentary pause to the pangs that rumble nonstop, but it will do nothing to correct the underlying void. A malnourished person needs not a treat, not a single meal, but access to long-term sustenance.

What is needed, truly needed, by parents, especially the primary parent of complex kids, is much wider and deeper than a few hours of self care can begin to address. When you consider that moms of autistic kids have stress levels akin to that of combat soldiers it becomes apparent that a brief outing isn't even beginning to address the issue. It's a bandage on a hemorrhage.

What is necessary is wraparound services. Respite, extended school years and more.

To read more of Alethea Mshar's article, please click here.

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Christine Cissy WhiteIt's not trauma-informed unless it's informed by trauma survivors.

Dana:

I LOVE your reflections. We often have those with most money and resources staying put to offer services and those who need them having to travel, leave kids, spend time and money lots don't have to get some support, help or relief. Sometimes, it's not worth the work it takes to get it and who (family) and what (work) left behind in order to maybe get it as times aren't usually all that convenient either.

I'm with you on having more in schools and churches, run with or led by local families, orgs and community members. I rarely hear about place-based and more sensitive services and resilience building. Granted, I'm newer to this work than you are. I learn so much from you and would love to hear /read even more of your thoughts and ideas.

Cissy

9/27/1711:37 AM

Dana Brown (PACEs Connection Staff)Staff

Cissy,
So, so true! We have masses of suffering individuals, families, neighborhoods, communities. Often wondering over the years, and frequently asking, why are services not provided directly in the neighborhoods in which their deliverables are outcomes? Why are schools and churches not the viable sources and solutions - as vibrant in late afternoon, early evening - as they are during the weekdays and Sunday mornings? Why isn't the model of community capacity building and well-being based upon every neighborhood thriving through access to culturally sensitive care, resilience building - trauma informed services, responsive social services which are place-based?

School-community partnerships. Faith based-community collaborations. Grass-roots organizations developing train-the-trainer models, supported as family support partners with organizations and systems.

Love your thoughts Cissy on guided imagery/expressive writing done alone or in groups. So powerful and such an excellent healing modality - available for all.

9/27/177:46 AM

Christine Cissy WhiteIt's not trauma-informed unless it's informed by trauma survivors.

Dana:

Thanks for this great article. It's so good. I believe in the power of self-care to support healing. However, it doesn't always address the social and personal inequities that make caring for the self possible, affordable or accessible and certainly isn't a cure all. But, I love opening this conversation up and making sure that major point is never missed.

One of the reasons I'm insane about guided imagery or expressive writing done alone or in groups is they can both helps people soothe, center and calm and take less than 15 minutes a day. And they can be shared with our kids as well. They don't require lots of money or expensive equipment. And they help when there isn't access to / interest in the wrap around services that might be available. Thanks for sharing this!!!
Cissy

9/25/173:59 AM

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