"When I'm with my Mom I miss my Dad. When I'm with my Dad I miss my Mom. I'm always missing someone."
Katie, my cousin said those words when she was not yet in first grade. It was heartbreaking and sad.
When my daughter's Dad and I divorced, my daughter wasn't as emotional, at first. When we told her that her Dad and I were separating, and assured her, "It's not your fault," she said words I'll never forget.
"Why would it be my fault?"
She thought that was ridiculous and silly. That was a relief. It doesn't mean it wasn't hard for her. It was. But for my daughter, as with one of the kids filmed, what was hard was going back and forth and losing and misplacing things. That was really hard for her.
All kids are different and how their lives are changed varies as does if, what and how they express. We don't always have the same temperament or personality style as our children. What we think will be the hardest or best thing, for them, might be accurate or it might be totally wrong.
What I love about this movie is that for both kids and parents, it's the wisdom of kids shared by kids that is front and center. It's personal and the experiences are varied.
That, I believe, for children and adults, is one of the most healing and helpful things of all.
My daughter was lucky that her school had a six-week lunch bunch where about 8 kids ate lunch together, with the adjustment counselor. What they had in common, besides lunch time, was parents who were separated or in the process of divorce. That gathered for a short period of time.
My daughter didn't know other kids, (at least that we knew about) who were going through the same thing at the same time. To have this happen, at school, where she also learned about math, bullying and poetry, was great.
Divorce is hard. It can be such a trying time for kids as well as parents. It might not just mean the loss of a parent but of siblings or pets or houses or schools or finances changing. Though we all face hard times in life, we aren't always all facing the same hard thing at the same time. Divorce is usually hard on everyone and all at the same time.
Books can help. Lunch bunches can help. Films can help.
This film is a few years old. It's one I know my daughter and I would have watched (and may stil watch) together. It looks like the movie can be rented for $5.99 for three days or purchased for $29.99. There's a guide, that looks great, but the cost for just the guide is $19.00 which seems a bit high.
The movie website has a preview of the movie and a sample of the guide.
If you've watched it or have any thoughts, feelings or opinions, please share. If there are resources you know about, please share as a blog post or in the comments!
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