According to British pediatrician and psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott children need their mother or primary caregivers to fail them in tolerable ways on a regular basis so they can learn to live in an imperfect world.
The point is tolerable and manageable because it has to be short-term. It cannot be a continuous period of neglect, abandonment or abuse.
Tips to repair the ruptures with your child
1) Be Aware, Breathe, Take Time Out
Parenting is a constant exercise in mindfulness-awareness of our hurts and abuse while relating from a place of understanding helps harness negative outcomes. Many times it is not our child's behavior that is wrong, it is our faulty perception of the situation.
2) Repent But Do Not Repeat
If you keep blowing up and behaving like a jerk every time something goes off-track your child will stop respecting you. Life for them will be akin to walking on egg-shells. Unbridled chaos is the worst kind of situation to be in, hot-cold, calm-stormy. Constancy is crucial for their mental well-being,
3) Keeping Communication Open
Clear, honest communication is the key to maintaining good relationships. All parents need to learn to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. Explain why don't be defensive and shut down any dissension. Worse still don't deny and dismiss your child's perceptions and feelings.
4) Hugging & Holding Space
A warm hug cancels out all the bad vibe due to misattunements in our interaction. It is an instant reset repair button.
Good enough parenting is all about holding space for your kids. Give them space to argue, discuss, disagree and find their own solutions. There are no right answers or straight paths. Read More...
You can learn more at my blog Mindkind Mom
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