Note: This article isn't as much about epigenetics or attachment as I thought it might be. Although this one quote below is pretty powerful.
As it turns out, the childhood memories we lose remain with us—albeit in a different form, as the underpinnings of our morality and instincts. This is what attachment theory supposes, says Robyn Fivush, the director of the Family Narratives Lab in the psychology department at Emory University. Infants who receive sensitive and responsive caregiving grow up with a sense of the world as safe, and themselves as lovable and loved. “No one really ‘remembers’ these early experiences,” she says “but they still have long lasting impact.”
Complete article.
That quote has me thinking about ACE scores and how some struggle with how to answer questions.
For example, if I wan as infant who had a parent in prison or in treatment for addiction or mental illness when I was an infant, but was then in recovery for most of my childhood, how would I score myself? If that was something I experienced for a few months, or even a few years, as an infant, but not the duration of my entire childhood, is it measured any differently. Do I give myself a half point, a quarter of a point or what? If my father, say, was an alcoholic who got sober in my first year of life rather than stayed drinking for 18 years would the score be different? And if the score isn't different, how about the impact?
Those are questions I can't answer completely. I have a few ACE scores of my own that I give myself a half a point for. To some, maybe my score would be 7 and to others it might be 9.
For me, that's not so important to get entirely accurate. For me, understanding ACEs, in general - the original ten as well as others that might also be asked about, is most important. For me, the hope in what I learn is that it can help me as a better parent and so my daughter has as much health, now, and as an adult. For me, that's the most powerful and hopeful part of the ACEs research.
But it does something else that little else has done.It helps me better understand my experiences, as a child, with some perspective. My parents had their own high ACEs. That impacted their health and ability to parent. The more awareness I parent with the more I can help decrease my own daughter's ACEs. That's good for my entire family system.
Luckily, there are things we can do for our adults selves, to decrease stress. But that work is slow and often hard. Possible but trying. However, the way we can parent, so our kids, and by that I mean all kids we "parent' and care for and tend to and nurture, has significance. It means they won't have to work so hard at recovering health as adults.
For me, that's powerful. Inspiring. Hopeful. The main point.
I have a scar on my finger from a minor amputation at the tip of my finger, caught in a door, from when my sister and I fought over a donut. I don't remember that incident. I know it happened and that there were years of living in chaos. I don't remember it all.
Today, and now, I don't need to. But I need to remember, and do, that every boring and routine and predictable day my daughter has does matter. It will be there for her to rely on and draw from all of her life. It may not be any specific memory but a way of being in and of experiencing the world as safe and kind and welcoming.
That, for me, is why ACEs science is pretty freaking practical, important and hopeful.
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