The past few weeks have been unsettling and chaotic for everyone, especially for children. The COVID-19 pandemic has created trauma, isolation, stress, and panic for our children. If your child has a previous history of trauma, the effects of this unprecedented event may be even more pronounced. A child who has a traumatic history may be highly anxious, acting out, regressing, or shutting down. Have you noticed that your child is having more angry outbursts or physical altercations? Is your child displaying increased bedwetting, are they clinging to their parents or caregivers, or are they reluctant to interact with others at all? If your child has a traumatic history, what can you do to help them cope during this very uncertain and chaotic time?
Here are a few simple tips.
- First, your child needs you. You are their main source of security and comfort. Although you may be pulled in lots of different directions with work, homeschooling, and parenting, try to spend a few minutes each day connecting with your child. Talk with your child about how much you enjoy spending extra time with them before bedtime, or spend a few minutes with your child every day while doing one of their favorite activities.
- Your child may be acting out more than they typically do. If you lose your temper while disciplining your child, talk with them calmly after the incident and let them know that although they need to follow the rules, you want them to know you still love them no matter what. Heather Forbes offers many tips on parenting children with traumatic histories on her website, Beyondconsequences.com
- Maintain a schedule - Children with traumatic histories need structure, predictability, and security. Have your child wake up, get ready for the day, eat meals, and start their school work at the same time each day. Allow time for breaks and snacks, and encourage physical activity. If possible, encourage your child to go outdoors to enjoy nature and blow off energy. Having dinner together as a family also helps to build connections and security. Keep a regular bedtime routine. Limit your child’s access to news and other media that is focused on the pandemic.
- Provide help with coping and relaxation - When you feel stressed, allow your child to see you taking deep breaths, squeezing a stress ball, or counting. This shows your child that even adults can become anxious or angry, and we all need to use techniques to help us calm down and manage our feelings. If your child sees you crying or angry, that is ok! Children need to know that adults get upset sometimes, and feeling your feelings is part of being human. Once you are no longer upset, you could talk with your child about how this challenging time is upsetting for everyone and remind them that you will get through it as a family. Techniques like practicing mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and other physical exercise are all helpful for children to learn relaxation and coping skills to manage strong emotions. Here’s a link to some resources for movement activities from Common Sense Media: Movement Apps, Games, and Websites
- Self care- Remember to take care of yourself while you are taking care of your family. As a parent, you may be putting yourself last while focusing on your children. If you are well rested and emotionally healthy, you will be better equipped to deal with these unprecedented times. Make sure you are eating healthy foods, getting enough sleep, taking breaks from the news and other media that is focused on the pandemic, and maintaining safe contact with supportive friends and family members. Here’s a link to some self care resources from the MyIntent.org website: Free Self-Care Resources
Your love and support will benefit your child long after the pandemic is over.
-Chanda Bass, MSW, Supervisee in Social Work, C-SSWS, CCTP, is a School Social Worker in the Richmond, Virginia area
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