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It may sound counterintuitive, but if you want to take charge as a parent, stop trying to control your child, says psychologist and author Shefali Tsabary.
Her book, The Parenting Map, outlines how to create conscious parent-child relationships by focusing on the reactions you have to your child's behavior rather than the behavior itself. "We keep expecting the child to change and keep trying to micromanage the child," says Shefali.
Tsabary warns that 'conscious parenting' doesn't come naturally. "No one is born a conscious parent. It's so easy to yell at your kids. It's very difficult to be patient, regulated, and aware."
Too often, says Tsabary, parents get caught up in unnecessary power struggles with their children, fighting to be right rather than trying to connect with or understand them.
Here are some tips from Tsabary on how to be a more intentional parent:
Move away from shame and blame
The first step to conscious parenting is recognizing that "shame and blame do not work," says Tsabary.
Act from a place of humility
"Your children are here to live their lives, not yours," says Tsabary. It's easy as a parent to believe you always know best, but that mindset can often lead to recreating unhealthy dynamics from your own childhood.
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