"You know. I feel like people are blessed to have both parents in their life. Um... I wasn't.
My parents have always been separated and you know, as a kid, to have your mom 1000 miles away and your Dad 1000 miles away. Apart....
So you know, no matter how far apart they are, I always just tried to be the one in the middle bringing them together.
You know, it's just tough for a kid."
Fik-Shun
I like dance videos the way some like cat videos. Here's one of my all-time favorites. It is the of a dancer named Fik-Shun performing for the World of Dance competition show.
I've watched this clip at least ten times. I watched it three times with my daughter when it aired and three more just this morning just while posting this. Moved. Moving. Sometimes I don't have feelings about something until minutes, hours, days and even years later but this was moving and moved me immediately. I teared up and wept good and healing tears while feeling and being inspired by this man's ability to communicate with his body and dance as well as verbally - and so publicly.
I know some of us feel divorce is questionable as an ACE. Maybe it's less traumatic and more benign than others. Maybe it shouldn't even be included as an ACE when compared with other ACEs. I've wondered. I'm not here to argue that point. For this man, the pain of this ACE is real. I can feel for and with him. I am blown away and also touched more deeply into my own life.
As a woman who was once a kid with a mom who divorced twice and married three times. As a daughter who didn't know her father. As a parent who has divorced and has caused that ACE for my own daughter. And also, as a person who is moved and inspired by art and dance. As a person who marvels at the way creativity can transform pain, make it meaningful and connect people. As someone filled with passion for the way this man moves and for this movement we are in.
We can be so many things at once and art reminds me to embrace all of it more fearlessly because I'm so grateful when others do.
I loved hearing Fik-Shun talk about his dance and personal process, taking risks in art and being open, vulnerable and emotional enough to "go there" to that tender place. We all can relate to having tender spots.
What is rare though is to hear and see adults speaking openly and emotionally about childhood experiences - showing and telling in first-person forms of expression.
It's also beautiful to see how moved these show judges were and how they honored his art and life by witnessing, watching, feeling and honoring his expression of his experience.
Sometimes, when I hear people worry about what to do, say or how to respond "right" to an ACE that might be shared I want to calm and reassure them. I want to remind them that acknowledging pain or trauma does not require actively "treating" it. I want people to know how little is even required or needed besides space, respect and maybe silence. Those things are rare.
I think what we see here is beautiful and healing and enough.
We might have to be willing to risk being vulnerable whether speaking or listening and risk being changed, moved or transformed. And maybe, we just watch lots of dance videos and do it at home and in private until we are more comfortable doing it live and in real time.
P.S. If Fik-shun looks familiar it's because he won season ten of So You Think You Can Dance. Here's his audition dance for that television show. His dance ability has always been incredible, but this is fun to watch to see the different emotions that can be conveyed in different songs/performances.
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