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When children are removed from home, parents feel a level of grief and stress that can hardly be explained. Then they often face more stress, with things like losing a job because of mandated services, losing housing and juggling multiple services. When our bodies feel too much pressure and threat, stress can put us in an “act now, think later” mentality that makes it even harder to do what’s needed. Stress can also make it harder to learn and plan. These reactions can affect parents’ cases.

The Healing our Children World Summit (free, online event) starts March 1

Life has been so sweet of late and that, for me, has been emotional. I feel a mixture of joy and disbelief. This time of mothering a teen as a parent with ACEs. I sit the edge of my bed sorting socks and memories. A middle-aged mother in so many kinds of transition. Some mornings, I hear her feet soft on carpeted stairs, see her long hair rolling down her back almost touching the hips. I remember when she did not have hips. The years I gathered her up each morning, carrying her down the...

I was interviewed by Melissa Wilson for The Grass Gets Greener podcast. She's interviewed over 100 survivors and I was honored to speak about developmental trauma, PTSD and the healing process - and even a little about ACEs and this group. It's a little bit embarrassing to share here because I have not exactly been speedy when it comes to healing. The process, which started in my early 20's, had been slow and isolating. However, I know I'm not unique and in general, there's still too little...

New moms get a lot of baby advice. Although people usually mean well, not all of it is based on fact. Myths about breastfeeding are common. The fact is that breastfeeding is a healthy way to feed your baby. The decision to breastfeed is a personal one, and it should also be an informed one. So let’s clear up some of the myths you may have heard. Myth: Everyone uses formula. More women breastfeed than you think. According to the latest Breastfeeding Report Card by the Centers for Disease...

It's wonderful that 20% do well even after early adversity but there are so many who suffer. What can be done to prevent and better treat the suffering of the 80%? That's what I always wonder when I read an article such as this one. Many adoptive parents become informed about ACEs after having learned, through personal experience, that love and security aren't always enough to help a child feel safe and to recover and heal. Parenting with ACEs is for adoptive and foster parents as well, who...

Beth O'Malley is a social worker who was in foster care as a child. She worked, for decades, at the Department for Children and Families (formerly called DSS). She is also a mother. Her child was adopted as well. She has a wide range of personal and professional perspectives. It's from her I learned about the importance of Lifebooks which can be made with and for toddlers, grade schoolers, and even teens. They are practical because they may be the one place a child can have to store names...

How we think, feel and experience the world in survival mode is not the same as we think, feel and experience it when safe. Even if we know this intellectually we might not know or remember how this feels. I saw this video of Wentworth Miller on my friend's timeline. I guess he's a tv star but that didn't matter to me. It was his words that captured my attention. He talks about growing up in survival mode as a child. It's not just that he shared his own story but how he connects his own...

Elisabeth Corey wrote this essay piece about her mother. It's honest, painful and difficult to read. Many will be able to relate. Our bonds with our parents can be complicated (no matter what our ACE score). But it's even more so when our relationships have been filled with ACEs and the hurt, betrayal, and scars that can accompany them. Once we survive childhood and are not dependent on our parents we may have lots to sort through. Things that are not easy to live with or make sense of. Her...

We often hear that boys need to be toughened up so as not to be sissies. Parent toughness toward babies is celebrated as “not spoiling the baby.” Wrong! These ideas are based on a misunderstanding of how babies develop. Instead, babies rely on tender, responsive care to grow well—with self-control, social skills and concern for others. A review of empirical research just came out by Allan N. Schore , called “ All our sons: The developmental neurobiology and neuroendocrinology of boys at risk...

Note: Hardly anyone talks or speaks out about parenting as a survivor, parenting with ACEs and parenting with PTSD. We are so fortunate to have this space, here, to do so. This essay is fantastic. I remain shocked that with all that is written about and for survivors, and about and for parents, no one has recognized and addressed parents who are survivors. As an advocate for parenting survivors, I am continuously amazed at the response I get when I speak on the topic, by both professionals...

This website aims to provide peer support and to help the mom-blame and mom-shame, particularly faced by those in recovery. They share both 12-step and non-12-step resources . If you know of others and/or resources geared specifically to fathers, please share in the comments. I want you to know that I get you; that you are not alone. I want to encourage you to give yourself the chance to get through whatever you’re going through however you need to, and know that it’s okay to lean on me. I...