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Excerpt: Parental presence comes from the experience of a father, or mother, making sense of his or her life so that issues from their own childhood experiences do not impair, in any prolonged or profound way, their ability to connect openly with a child. Making sense of your life as a parent means reflecting on the past so that you understand how your own childhood experiences shaped who you have become. What this means is that you’ve done some at times painful reflections to see clearly...

Parents often say that raising a child is one of the most rewarding and important roles you'll ever play. While there is no clear “best” way to raise a child, recent survey results from Kobe University in Japan have revealed the lasting effects that different rearing techniques can have on children’s personalities, wealth, and overall happiness after they’ve left the nest. For the project, the researchers surveyed 5,000 women and men about their relationships with their parents during...

We hear too little from men about having survived childhood abuse and even less about how that abuse impacts their fathering. This series about fathering as a survivor is helping to change that. They've done a complete interview with Ray Charles. Here's an excerpt. 7. What would you tell another survivor father who is expecting their first child? You have 9 months and counting to help yourself to try and climb out of your own issues (sounds easy, its not). This little person will need you...

My dear friend sent me this link today. It's worth sharing and I think applies whether we are raising sons or daughters. The full article is great and here's an excerpt: I remember walking into the cafeteria of my new school and it was like someone punched me in the stomach. I was in sixth grade. My family had just moved from Virginia to Ohio. At first, I attended the local Catholic school. Within the first two months, I was begging my parents to go to the public school because the girls...

I love the healing power of yoga for easing trauma symptoms. My first moments of pleasure while present happened in a yoga class. I've written lots on this healing modality for trauma survivors. Unfortunately, not all yoga classes are taught by those who are trauma-informed. Some great yoga teachers are doing great and teaching others to use use trauma-informed teaching styles. However, lots of yoga teachers still touch students, during class, without asking. Some to do to help with postures...

A new study from Japan shows that children who receive positive attention and care from their parents have high incomes, high happiness levels, academic success, and a strong sense of morality. Researchers, led by Dr. Kazuo Nishimura, a project professor at the Kobe University Center for Social Systems Innovation, and Dr. Tadashi Yagi, a professor at the Doshisha University Faculty of Economics, conducted an online survey in January 2016 to discover the effects of parenting methods in Japan.

This article , written by Jack Smith, is funny and serious at the same time. We all know the story of the well-loved orphan who sings her way through life’s miseries and gets to live in a mansion with the mega-rich Oliver Warbucks. Everyone’s sung along to the catchy and cheery songs that make Annie so fantastic. And we’re always so pleased that Annie gets a happy ending, despite her bad beginning. But it’s fiction – of course there was going to be a happy ending. The reality is not all...

We had a fire one winter when I was a kid. The roof caught on fire via the chimney. Everyone, including the pets, ended up being fine. It was scary to be sent outside in the snow in pj's and to see the roof burn. I've been a little afraid to use a fireplace ever since. Those of us who lived in unsafe homes growing up aren't always sure what we need to do in order to keep our homes safe. We may lack that thing others call common sense based on good experiences. For that reason, I love lists...

How do you manage Father's Day as an adult? How did everyone do on Father's Day? It's one of those holidays that can be so complicated for many of us. Maybe there's angst, anger or ambivalence? Maybe there's appreciation too. I wrote about how it has shifted for me since I found that my father died. I didn't expect to feel so much relief. I love having a dead dad. For the first time in my life I know where he is on Father’s Day. He is not homeless, alcoholic, absent or violent. He is no...

Parents with mood disorders often feel guilty - which is why I hesitated to share this study article. It says: "It has been shown that even highly efficacious prevention programs for previously depressed adolescents were less effective if the parent was depressed. Our previous work has shown that treatment of the depressed parent to remission can reduce the symptoms of depression for both parent and child." This is probably not news. But might it also mean that when we prioritize our health...

I've been struggling with how to talk with my daughter about what happened in Orlando. Another shooting. More death. Hate. She's heard the news. It's been discussed a bit at school too. But how do I talk to her as my own daughter, in between getting ready for school and dance? What can I say to her about homophobia or even what helps people recover? About what headlines and deaths grab our attention and which ones do not? I admit I'm at a loss. I don't have great words or wisdom or even a...

While we know ACEs have a profound impact on our adult health, it's good to be reminded that some of our adult choices and relationships also have a profound impact. This Ted Talk by Robert Waldinger does a nice job of summarizing the research findings from about 75 years of studying 700 men. Men who got brain scans, blood work, were interviewed and filled out questionnaires. Men who had vastly different childhood experiences. Robert Waldinger said: Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two...