Tagged With "General Theory of Love"
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Spokane, WA, public health nurses create trauma-sensitive toolkit for parents/caregivers
Public health nurses at Spokane Regional Health District (SRHD) developed a 178-page toolkit -- 1*2*3 Care -- for caregivers of children. They define caregivers as parents, g randparents, child care providers, teachers, and others who care...
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Sponsorship Opportunity to Help Community Resilience Initiative
CRI is seeking various levels of sponsors for our Fourth Annual Beyond Paper Tigers conference. We would love if you would consider partnering with us to assist our community's education, best practices, and treatment strategies. Sponsorships will help pay for speakers, meals, supplies, and conference activities. To partner with us at our highest gift level- as a lead sponsor- would bring profound impact to our conference. We would be grateful for the honor of calling you our lead sponsor,...
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Star Neuroscientist Tom Insel Leaves the Google-Spawned Verily for … a Startup? (www.wired.com) & Commentary
I wonder if ACEs science is known, considered or used by a neuroscientist such as Insel? I read stories, like the one below as a parent and a trauma survivor and am as fascinated as I am troubled. My hope is that technology and health data tracking will be used to better treat people and to treat people better? Here are some excerpts from an interesting article in Wired which was written by Adam Rogers: Insel’s hopes for research have always been outsized. You might remember the...
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Strengthening Families: Increasing positive outcomes for children and families [www.cssp.org]
We engage families, programs, and communities in building key protective factors. Children are more likely to thrive when their families have the support they need. By focusing on the five universal family strengths identified in the Strengthening Families Protective Factors Framework , community leaders and service providers can better engage, support, and partner with parents in order to achieve the best outcomes for kids. How We Do It The Strengthening Families framework is a...
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Substance Use Disorder and Brain Development
The inputs a brain experiences during its developmental stages have a profound impact on whether that person will develop a substance use disorder (if they choose to drink or use other drugs). In turn, developing a substance use disorder (SUD) as a tween, teen, or young adult dramatically influences that person's brain development. And why is understanding this causality important? The risk factors for developing a substance use disorder are the result of inputs the brain experiences (or...
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Taking ACEs Histories for Mothers Recovering from Substance Abuse
The aptly named Great Starts program at the Helen Ross McNabb Center in Knoxville, TN, provides a six-to-nine month residential treatment and two-year follow-up program for pregnant mothers and moms with newborns recovering from substance abuse. Earlier this year, curious about the early childhood history of its residents, the center started asking the women about their ACEs history. The results would not have been surprising to those familiar with ACEs: Of the 16 moms who filled out the...
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Taming the Dragons: Helping Children Cope: Ages Birth to Twelve Years
Taming the Dragons is a training manual for parents, foster parents, and kinship caregivers. It was developed out of a crisis nursery in WA state by Sue Delucchi. English and Spanish versions attached here for free downloads.
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The AAP opens up access to ACE studies to highlight long-term impact of family separations and detentions at the border
Photo by Gerald R. Nino/Wikimedia.org "We have created a collection of articles on toxic stress since the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, the Committee on Early Childhood, Adoption and Dependent Care, and the Section on Behavior and Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics published their landmark policy statement, “ Early Childhood Adversity, Toxic Stress, and the Role of the Pediatrician: Translating Developmental Science into...
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The Absence of Punishment in Our Schools
Where to begin... My heart is full of hope and joy as I watch the trauma-informed schools movement swell across our nation and planet. The science of ACEs is mind-bending to say the least and we are now able to open up a much deeper dialogue about human behavior and health. Ultimately this work is about healing… All. Of. Us. A new consciousness is taking root around ending the “us vs them” construct. The idea is growing that we’re all on this journey together and that no matter where our...
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The Boy Born Out of Resilience
A few months ago I published a blog, " A Mother's Rage". I re-accounted my rage and helplessness regarding my daughter's high school rape in Miami, FL. I ended my post with words of hope. I wrote how several years had passed since my daughter's assault. She was now engaged and pregnant with my first grandchild. This is the rest of the story. I held my daughter's hand as she labored through the night with my grandson. I tried to comfort her fiancee who felt helpless. I rubbed her back,...
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Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz: Solving Poverty in Your Local Community (www.betterleadersbetterschools.com) & Commentary
Cissy's note: This is a great podcast for parents, educators, and community organizers and change makers. It is an interview with @Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz interviewed by Danny Bowers "Sunshine" of Better Leaders Better Schools . Rebecca Lewis-Pankratz says things like, " We all need each other. Everyone here is important," and " The community is who we are," but they aren't inclusive-sounding platitudes. She is a tireless optimist but also understands, personally and professionally, how...
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Registration Open - 2019 Families and Fathers Conference Early Rate and Hotel Discount Closing Please Share
In forty-eight days, we open our 20th convening of a powerful conference focused on strengthening families, improving outcomes for children, and strategies to engage families. The 20th Annual Families and Fathers Conference hosted by Fathers and Families Coalition of America Sponsorships allow the extended early rate for an exceptional experience in Los Angeles, California from March 4th (pre-conference institute credential) through the main conference dates of March 5th - 7th. Please share...
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RESILIENCE: The Secret of CPTSD Recovery (First in a Series)
When we talk about a history childhood trauma, we talk a lot about the problems — the damage, the limitation on our lives, the sadness. But in reality, a lot of us are thriving despite abuse and neglect in the past. The word for this is resilient. Overcoming the effects of Childhood PTSD is not easy, and it’s not a road I’d choose for anyone. But if that’s the hand life dealt you, it is still possible for you to blossom into a life of depth and love and purpose. Resilience is often mentioned...
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RESILIENCY: Innate or Nurtured
For me, resiliency is in part innate. I don't think we can teach resilience. Through love and connection we can most certainly nurture it. A key piece of resiliency is connection with others. I look back at all that I have endured in my life and wonder what made me keep getting back up. Why did I become more tenacious each time life and family knocked me down? For me, what kept me going was being out in the world connecting with people throughout the day. It made me feel part of something...
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Resource List -- Books
Trigger Points by Joyelle Brandt and Dawn Daum *The first book written, edited, published by survivors of childhood abuse geared towards parents who are survivors. Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell Whole Brain Child by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson No Drama Discipline by Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With...
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RESOURCE: Parent guide information
Please share the with the families you serve the attached a 2-page document for parents and caregivers about the parent guides that Yolo County Children's Alliance has produced as a project of the Yolo County Child Abuse Prevention Council (CAPC). All of the guides are available at www.yolokids.org/forfamilies . There are some hard copies of the following guides and we would love for them to get into the hands of parents. Please let me know if you would like some of these materials!
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Resources 4 Resilience (www.r4r.support) & Commentary
We have the best community. And it feels like a community even more right now when things are scary, threatening, and uncertain. Yesterday, Jondi Whitis shared an amazing resource yesterday, by way of a comment, that's great for parents, survivors, providers, and families (all of us). I am making it a blog post in case others missed it or are overwhelmed, as I have been, by sifting through the information coming at us. The home page lets you easily find practices for calming. Here's one...
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Review of Wrestling Ghosts (Documentary About Breaking the Cycle of Trauma) & Tickets
Cissy's Note: This post below with an offer for some free tickets to see Wrestling Ghosts was shared in the Parenting with ACE s community, thanks to @Charlotte Graham! However, I know many care about parents, parenting with ACEs who are on the main page so I'm sharing here as well with my review of this movie. I saw it last week and IT IS SO POWERFUL!!!! This documentary is so honest, raw, real, and powerful. It made me sad, hopeful, heartbroken, and encouraged all at the same...
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Revising How We Love
This podcast wraps up the 3-part introduction to the 'Have you faced your love story' series, which I am so excited to produce. Let me know your thoughts. I very much look forward to hearing from you. Kindest regards, Aihi https://anchor.fm/haveyoufacedyourlovestory/episodes/Revising-How-We-Love-eafrh3
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Rewiring Your Brain: Neurofeedback Goes Mainstream (Newsweek.org)
One of my favorite books Neurofeedback in the Treatment of Developmental Trauma. Few write about development trauma as beautifully as this author. Sebern Fisher describes how and developmental trauma has such deep and lasting impact on children and adults. And how neurofeedback helps. She's even tried it herself as well. I recommend her book just to better understand complex PTSD. But if you are interested in learning more about neurofeedback, in general, this article by Winston Ross is...
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Rise Magazine as Important Source of Parent Engagement
I'm often asked how to improve parent engagement. I love this question. While I can and do share handouts , chat transcripts , and resources, and my own personal experiences, when relevant, I also recommend reading writing by parents speaking directly about parent experiences in specific systems. Rise Magazine is an example. This is their mission: Here are three stories published in Rise Magazine over the last few months. Diplomacy and Determination – When I had a conflict with my son’s...
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Rise TIPS: For Parents in Crisis (www.risemagazine.org) & Commentary
Note: This handout was developed with, for and by parents in the child welfare system. However, it's got great content for all parents. For example, the article "Fight or Flight: Coping When Visits Stir Up Reminders of Trauma" is excellent. Lots of us parenting with ACEs have had the shameful experience of being triggered by our children. It can feel horrible. However, it's something we rarely admit, talk about or find addressed anywhere. Part of the problem is that much of the stuff written...
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Robert Waldinger What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness (Ted.com)
While we know ACEs have a profound impact on our adult health, it's good to be reminded that some of our adult choices and relationships also have a profound impact. This Ted Talk by Robert Waldinger does a nice job of summarizing the research findings from about 75 years of studying 700 men. Men who got brain scans, blood work, were interviewed and filled out questionnaires. Men who had vastly different childhood experiences. Robert Waldinger said: Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two...
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Rwanda's Plan to Reduce Poverty by Harnessing Father's Love [qz.com]
By Annabelle Timsit, Quartz Africa, October 8, 2019 Like many three-and-a-half year olds, Odille Igirimbabazi loves to sing and dance. On a recent morning in her home, wearing her favorite blue and yellow dress and clutching a doll that her dad, James, made for her, she sings religious songs and sways energetically as James watches, claps, and smiles, tapping his feet. When she finishes, he scoops her up into his arms to tell her how proud he is. “Bravo!” If this seems a common family scene,...
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RYSE Center's Listening Campaign: Young people in Richmond, CA help adults understand trauma, violence, coping, and healing
"My experience with violence is very brutal...I grew up with violence as if it were my sibling." - LC participant (youth) "We know we can't run the city- it's too complex- but our experience and our voices should count, especially because we're the most effected ." - LC participant (youth) "Our city's problems are shared by us all; we are all part of the problem AND the solution. Listening is a key component to healing." - LC Share Out partici pant (adult) Three years ago, RYSE Center in...
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Sandra Bullock Makes Emotional Plea to Ban the Phrase 'Adopted Children': Say "Our Children" (msn.com)
Sandra Bullocks knows the most important ingredient in a family is love, not DNA. The mother of two chatted about her advocacy in a cover story for InStyle 's June 2018 issue, out May 11, calling for a greater understanding and treatment of women's rights over their own bodies and an end to the phrase "my adopted child". To read more of Stephanie Petit's article, please click here.
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Self-Care Is a Vital Part of the Healing Journey
Focusing on your health is important as you heal after trauma. I had learned a lot about trauma. I understood the impact but having been fortunate with a healthy body, the long term impact had not showed up in my biology except for very painful migraine headaches and depression. But the toxic level of stress I had lived with my whole life had not registered yet. Back then, my self-care mostly consisted of numbing the pain. It just hurt too much to think about it. I was in too much pain and...
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Let's Twitter Chat about ACEs this Week with Ascend @ 3p.m. (E.T) on Weds.
O.k,, I admit I've never participated in a live Twitter event before. Ever. I won't be able to say that after this week. There's a chat about parenting issues important to lots of us though on Weds. at 3p.m. so I'm in. This is what's being talked about. "How do we make sure that all parents can provide for their families and improve their lives? What are the best ways to prepare our children for bright, confident, and prosperous futures?" Doesn't that sound like a conversation begging for...
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Lifebooks & Some Tips for Social Workers & Parents (www.adoptionlifebooks.com)
Beth O'Malley is a social worker who was in foster care as a child. She worked, for decades, at the Department for Children and Families (formerly called DSS). She is also a mother. Her child was adopted as well. She has a wide range of personal and professional perspectives. It's from her I learned about the importance of Lifebooks which can be made with and for toddlers, grade schoolers, and even teens. They are practical because they may be the one place a child can have to store names...
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Limbic Revision – Love Heals Your Traumatized Brain
Limbic revision is simply another name for revising and rewiring the faulty development of our brain, namely our limbic system. In simple terms in order to truly heal we need to experience deep and attuned loving care.
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Living, loving, and parenting with mental illness (www.headspace.com)
While this article was more about marriage than about the ins and outs of parenting, it's still nice to see articles that openly acknowledge issues many individuals, couples and families deal with. About the only "expert" advice I'm open to is that by those with lived experience. So, I'll always be open to hearing what others have learned in their living with stuff journey. Here are some excepts from this article written by Maggie Ethridge. One year into our marriage, my husband was...
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Love as Destiny: A Former Foster Youth's Journey in Motherhood [chronicleofsocialchange.org]
By Katarina Sayally, The Chronicle of Social Change, October 25, 2019 If you haven’t heard enough stories about what breaking the intergenerational cycle of foster care looks like, I want to share one. This is our story, and it’s a good one. When I found out I was pregnant, the only fear I had was, “What if my baby ends up in foster care?” As a former foster youth who works in the field, I am constantly reminded of this possibility. One study found that mothers in foster care were twice as...
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Love in the time of Coronavirus: HOPE-informed thoughts for parents
This has been quite a week, and we are now facing major disruptions in our own family lives. There is no doubt that the events of this winter and spring will be memorable for children. In that spirit, here are a few ideas to help make those memories (at least somewhat) happy.
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Loving a Trauma Survivor: Understanding Childhood Trauma’s Impact On Relationships (www.brickelandassociates.com)
Note: I saw this article by Robyn E. Brickel, MA, LMFT on my Facebook newsfeed today. Times have changed! How great to find resources more readily available. Many of us are not only trauma survivor parents but we are related to, in love with or partnering with adults who are as well. This is a helpful resource to help us better understand our/their sometimes fearful and withdrawing reactions. I'm also sharing that I got an email from someone at 2 a.m. last night who said that research...
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How Magic Hugs & Author Donna Jackson Nakazawa Make ACEs Science Useful to Parents
Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a well-known writer and author. Her book, Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology is a go-to guide for lots of us and makes her a frequent guest on podcasts. Last week I heard Allison Morris interview her during her Healing Our Children World Summit . Morris, a self-described "trauma mama" and "single adoptive mother of a child with early developmental trauma, attachment issues, and some physical disabilities" who gathers information and...
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Making the Good Stuff Louder: Trauma Dad, Bryon Hamel
Byron Hamel, (AKA Trauma Dad ), is a filmmaker , children's rights and men's wellness advocate. He's also a father with "ACEs through the roof," who survived child torture at the hands of a man now on death row for infanticide. Before the Father & ACEs chat started last week (see full chat transcript ), we discussed if and how to give a trigger warning. Hamel's experienced horrific trauma during childhood. He didn't want to traumatize those on the chat but wanted to be honest.
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Mama Obama & Daddy Donald: Growing Myself Up (www.healwritenow.com) & Question
Dear Parents & Professionals: How are you all responding to Michelle Obama's powerful speech? How are you holding up hearing all the women talking about we have experienced? In general as well as in relation to Donald Trump and Bill Clinton? I've been so deeply rattled and disturbed. But not, at first. It took me hearing Michelle Obama's speech to get honest and clear and to allow tears and outrage. And also to do some serious self-reflection. I had my fourteen year old listen to...
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Managing in The Midst of COVID-19 series with Janina Fisher, Stephen Levine, & Dr. Bruce Perry (www.traumatherapistproject.com)
For those who love the Trauma Therapist Podcast with Guy MacPherson, as much as I do, here are the three videos in his series on Managing in the Midst of COVID-19. Click each of their names to go to that video interview. Janina Fisher Peter Levine Dr. Bruce Perry
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Managing Post-Traumatic Stress in a Pandemic: 3/19 Practices & Resources Update
Are you looking for new ways to get connected, supported, or to manage stress while managing post-traumatic stress during this pandemic? I am. No matter what our past or present life circumstances, it's safe to say a whole bunch of us are feeling more stressed and if we live with chronic post-traumatic stress to begin with, we might be feeling especially vulnerable right now. New Practices & Resources as of 3/19/2020 Bioenergetic stress relief - Shaking and Grounding "SHAKING: One of the...
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Mediocre Mothering Made Better by Guided Imagery
My parenting was not ideal yesterday. I'd slept three hours and had a condo deal fall through days before closing. My house will still sell so I don't know where we'll be living in a few weeks. This is high stress. I was distracted, on the phone over 50 times with real estate people, the bank, attorneys, friends, town hall and rental places. Not fun. I cried a little but mostly felt an overwhelmed shutdown, the kind that comes with terrible thoughts. Like when the realtor says, "This has...
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Meet Your Child’s Needs For Improved Behavior
Understanding WHY a child behaves as he/she does provides you with the answer as to what the child needs to willingly and capably improve his/her behavior. Communication is a behavior, and all forms of behavior are ways of communicating. The child who resists bedtime is communicating something, and the message goes beyond merely saying, “I don’t want to.” The same is true for the child who refuses to turn off the TV or turn away from the video game. The child who speaks to you...
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Meet Your Child’s Needs For Improved Behavior
Understanding WHY a child behaves as he/she does provides you with the answer as to what the child needs to willingly and capably improve his/her behavior. Communication is a behavior, and all forms of behavior are ways of communicating. The child who resists bedtime is communicating something, and the message goes beyond merely saying, “I don’t want to.” The same is true for the child who refuses to turn off the TV or turn away from the video game. The child who speaks to you...
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Mom Has a Kitchen Dance Party With 3-Yr-Old. Then She Hears “I Miss My Other Daddy.” (faithit.com)
Being a foster parent is not for the faint of heart. A cycle of taking in broken, wounded little hearts, often just for them to get broken and wounded again — all while remaining “unattached” for the sake of their assured departure from your care — is a nearly impossible job for most to fathom undertaking. And all that aside, how do you even begin to explain to a 3-year-old that they have a “new daddy” or “new mommy” in a way that doesn’t completely wreck their perception of what it means to...
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Mom’s Reaction to Angry Son Shattering a Mirror Is the Parenting Lesson We ALL Need Today (faithit.com)
It took my breath away when my son stormed into the bathroom, frustrated, angry, fed-up for his very own, very significant to him, reasons. And when he chose to SLAM the bathroom door, causing the heavy mirror mounted to the front to slip out of the hardware holding it in place and crash onto the floor — a million, BROKEN pieces were left reflecting the afternoon light. I was quiet. I surveyed the damage and took a deep breath. Put the dog outside so he wouldn’t cut his feet, put the cat in...
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Momming: One Day At A Time (www.cagedmoments.com)
This beautiful essay was written by the same Heidi Aylward written about earlier this summer on ACEsTooHigh . I had a conversation several months ago with an old friend. He was talking about how fantastic his mom is and how she has always been at his side through everything. Good or bad, his mom has loved and supported him through everything. I’m lucky enough to know her. She is as amazing as he says. She is compassionate and empathetic and loving and supportive, no matter what he did or...
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Mother's Day: Belonging to Each Other (dailygood.org)
Mother’s Day offers us opportunities to express our love and thanks to the women who have cared for us in our lives — the birth or adoptive mother, the grandmother, the teacher, or the elder friend who have helped grow us up. But it’s not all Hallmark cards and breakfasts-in-bed. This particular holiday can stir up feelings of grief and pain for some of us. We suffer for the mother we have lost or a mother we felt we never really had. And yet, perhaps we might be able to simultaneously hold...
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Mother's Day Can Be Hard: Chasing the Blues
The world has changed in many good ways. All over my newsfeed yesterday and today are posts about aching, loss, grief and divorcing from parents. Mother's Day, Father's Day and other holidays can be hard. At least that loss isn't experienced only in silence now. This year, I've seen many posts more complex than greeting cards. That wasn't always so. I'm not here to tell anyone about how Mother's Day should or might feel and if anger or forgiveness is good or bad, toxic or healthy or what...
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Mother's Day Musings
"Was in the Mother's Day card aisle tonight," my good friend texted me, "there's still a big opportunity in that aisle for us to make some money... that's all I'll say about that." Her mother is an addict she hasn't seen, except for court appearances, in years. She knows my father was a homeless alcoholic. She showed up with a bag of lollipops and a hug when I got confirmation that he was dead and had died more than a year prior. There was no card for that or for her version of Mother's Day.
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Mothering at the Edge
Life has been so sweet of late and that, for me, has been emotional. I feel a mixture of joy and disbelief. This time of mothering a teen as a parent with ACEs. I sit the edge of my bed sorting socks and memories. A middle-aged mother in so many kinds of transition. Some mornings, I hear her feet soft on carpeted stairs, see her long hair rolling down her back almost touching the hips. I remember when she did not have hips. The years I gathered her up each morning, carrying her down the...
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Mothers Who Leave Their Children (www.lithub.com) & Commentary
There are times I can't talk. It might be after I read something or hear something or watch the news. I'm rarely triggered by honesty, writing or memoir. I'm triggered by smells, nightfall and feeling trapped. Truth, even what is called "ugly truth," to me, when told, is always a window opening letting the air move. Sometimes, I don't realize I'm clenched in my body or my life and holding tight to a secret or memory or belief. It's when I read a piece like this and feel a nod of knowing, not...