Tagged With "Social Awkwardness"
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10 Books About Race To Read Instead Of Asking A Person Of Color To Explain Things To You [bustle.com]
In today's current political and cultural climate, it's crucial that everyday Americans are engaging in important conversations about race, bias, discrimination, and privilege. For people of color, these conversations are nothing new; they are a requirement in communities where experiences of racism, bias, and bigotry are a part of everyday life. But for many white people who have never been burdened by a system built specifically to keep us down, these conversations can seem confusing,...
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4 years after integrating ACEs science, Pueblo, CO clinic improves services for families; cuts ER costs, doctor stress
Four years ago, Dr. Leslie Dempsey would never have talked about ACEs — adverse childhood experiences — with her patients. Now ACEs is a common topic. “Just as I don’t feel awkward asking someone if they smoke or do intravenous drugs, I don’t really feel awkward talking about their childhood traumas in a way that it relates to their health. It’s just integrated into obtaining background and social history,” she says. Dr. Leslie Dempsey Dempsey is a physician in obstetrics who oversees a team...
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How It Feels & How We Heal: Parenting with ACEs Chat Quotes (You Tube, Database, PDFs, Links)
Parenting with ACEs is sharing inspiration, information, and expertise from our chat series in 3 formats. Parenting with ACEs: How It Feels & How We Heal Quote Collection (pdf version below as well) Quotes Database (pdf version below as well) Links to Chat Transcripts and before and after-the-chat blog posts. Thanks to everyone who showed up, who shared, and who is doing the important work that is our mission (prevent ACEs, heal trauma, build resilience). We know that work happens...
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How to Avoid Being Psychologically Destroyed by Your Newsfeed (blog post)
Excerpt from this blog post, which I wrote earlier today: "This past week has been brutal, in terms of what has been coming across my newsfeed. And 2016 wasn't exactly a picnic either. So lately I've been thinking a lot about the mental health impact of a steady avalanche of Really Bad News. Many of us (myself included) deal with mental health challenges on a daily basis and being fed a steady diet of devastating world events only serves to make that harder. So I've decided to share a few...
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'They Took My Kid': Rural Docs Help Moms Fight Addiction [medpagetoday.com]
By Ashley Lyles, MedPage Today, November 19, 2019 Patient: I'd gotten pregnant again and I was using through my whole pregnancy, and I didn't receive prenatal care. He was born and he's fine and everything. The [Department of Social Services] let me bring him home. Then a week after I had him, I relapsed really, really bad. Then, I got really messed up and they took my kid. Reporter: The opioid epidemic has taken a toll in rural areas, especially on pregnant women. Doctors and healthcare...
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What's Lost When Black Children Are Socialized Into a White World [theatlantic.com]
By Dani McClain, The Atlantic, November 21, 2019 Jessica Black is a Pittsburg, California, mother of two black teenagers, both of whom have been disciplined multiple times at their middle and high schools. Her daughter has been suspended more than once, and teachers often deem her son’s behavior out of line, reprimanding him for not taking off his hoodie in class and for raising his voice. In observing her own family and others, Black has noticed a pattern: Behaviors that many black parents...
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What Your Teen Wishes You Knew About Sex Education [npr.org]
By Cory Turner and Anya Kamenetz, National Public Radio, February 11, 2020 Cora Breuner was sitting at home one day about to do a little work on her laptop. "I remember, when I opened my computer, I looked at my son — who shall remain nameless — and I said, 'Why is this porn site on my laptop?'" "I'm an adolescent male, Mom." It would have been an awkward moment for just about any parent. Then again, Breuner isn't just any parent. She's Doctor Cora Breuner, and she works in the adolescent...
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Social Media May Foster Post-Traumatic Growth in Disasters [psychologytoday.com]
By Grant H. Brenner, Psychology Today, May 9, 2020 The COVID-19 pandemic is a prolonged, global disaster of epic proportions, unlike anything most people have experienced in their lifetimes. Tolerating Ambiguity and Isolation Unlike many disasters, which have a predictable course (see Phases of Disaster, below), pandemics don't fit a clear mold, with no clear end date, high levels of uncertainty about whether there will be ongoing waves of reinfection, unclear paths toward normality, limited...
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Social policies to prevent adversity -- see Open Access link (until July 1) to “A Critical Assessment of the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study at 20 Years”— in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine
The ACEs research by Drs. Felitti, Anda and colleagues focused attention on the important consequences of childhood adversity for adult health. Of course, as many in the resilience-building movement recognize, adversities affect children’s health and life trajectories as well. When we recognize the powerful impacts of harsh life circumstances for children and families, it becomes clearer that social policies to strengthen household and community resources are needed as well as...
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Survivor-Led Advocacy Initiatives
It's not trauma-informed if it's not informed by trauma survivors. I say this as a trauma survivor but even more as someone who has worked at a shelter for homeless families at a time when my own father was homeless. I saw class differences cause clashes that went beyond clumsy and awkward moments. People were hurt and dis-empowered at times by the very staffers working hard, and for low pay, to help. I was in college, and with only that as a qualification, told, during my first interview,...
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Taming the Dragons: Helping Children Cope: Ages Birth to Twelve Years
Taming the Dragons is a training manual for parents, foster parents, and kinship caregivers. It was developed out of a crisis nursery in WA state by Sue Delucchi. English and Spanish versions attached here for free downloads.
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Rise TIPS: For Parents in Crisis (www.risemagazine.org) & Commentary
Note: This handout was developed with, for and by parents in the child welfare system. However, it's got great content for all parents. For example, the article "Fight or Flight: Coping When Visits Stir Up Reminders of Trauma" is excellent. Lots of us parenting with ACEs have had the shameful experience of being triggered by our children. It can feel horrible. However, it's something we rarely admit, talk about or find addressed anywhere. Part of the problem is that much of the stuff written...
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Lifebooks & Some Tips for Social Workers & Parents (www.adoptionlifebooks.com)
Beth O'Malley is a social worker who was in foster care as a child. She worked, for decades, at the Department for Children and Families (formerly called DSS). She is also a mother. Her child was adopted as well. She has a wide range of personal and professional perspectives. It's from her I learned about the importance of Lifebooks which can be made with and for toddlers, grade schoolers, and even teens. They are practical because they may be the one place a child can have to store names...
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Make Time for Yourself—A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents from Yolo County Children's Alliance
Yolo County Children’s Alliance is excited to share our new self-care resource for parents and caregivers for Child Abuse Prevention Month. Make Time for Yourself—A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents talks about the importance of self-care and provides many ideas to try. The guide is available in English, Spanish, and Russian at www.yolokids.org/forfamilies/ . To help parents prioritize self-care, the guide divides specific self-care ideas into those that only take 5 minutes to do and those...
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Make Time for Yourself—A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents from Yolo County Children's Alliance
Yolo County Children’s Alliance is excited to share our new self-care resource for parents and caregivers for Child Abuse Prevention Month. Make Time for Yourself—A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents talks about the importance of self-care and provides many ideas to try. The guide is available in English, Spanish, and Russian at www.yolokids.org/forfamilies/ . To help parents prioritize self-care, the guide divides specific self-care ideas into those that only take 5 minutes to do and those...
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Making the Good Stuff Louder: Trauma Dad, Bryon Hamel
Byron Hamel, (AKA Trauma Dad ), is a filmmaker , children's rights and men's wellness advocate. He's also a father with "ACEs through the roof," who survived child torture at the hands of a man now on death row for infanticide. Before the Father & ACEs chat started last week (see full chat transcript ), we discussed if and how to give a trigger warning. Hamel's experienced horrific trauma during childhood. He didn't want to traumatize those on the chat but wanted to be honest.
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The Building Blocks of HOPE – Block #4: Social-Emotional Development
We have been so encouraged to hear how HOPE (Healthy Outcomes from Positive Experiences) is resonating with the ACES Connection community and are thrilled to see our community continue to grow. Here we present the fourth mini-blog in our series on the Building Blocks of HOPE. Children need ample opportunities for productive social and emotional development. Developing social and emotional competencies describes the fourth of the 4 Building Blocks of HOPE . What do we mean by social and...
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The Nurtured Parent Revolution: Transforming Trauma through Love, Healing, and Social Justice Activism
Many family courts across the nation routinely fail the most vulnerable in our society: mothers and their children in crisis seeking a life free from abuse. In 2012, the U.S. Department of Justice released the Saunders Report , a study that found the standard and required domestic violence training received by judges, lawyers, and custody evaluators, does not adequately prepare them to handle abuse cases. Inadequately trained professionals tend to believe the myth that mothers frequently...
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The Relentless School Nurse: Parenting with High ACEs – Voices of Lived Expertise
Christine “Cissy” White is leading a movement to make sure that parents with high Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) scores have the resources and support they need to end the trend of generational trauma that so many have i nherited and unknowingly passed on to their children. The voice of the parent is first and foremost in Cissy’s plan of action. To reach this goal, Cissy had to first find her own voice, which she has done brilliantly through writing, speaking and leading workshops.
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How to Make Motherhood Easier in America [psmag.com]
For Kristen R. Ghodsee, it was the moment she caught a glimpse of herself in the bathroom mirror between two stages of a job interview, bent under the hand dryer at an awkward angle that allowed her to pump breast milk frantically while drying leakage from her jacket. For Amy Westervelt, it was waddling to the mailbox to collect a check, two weeks after the birth of her child, while congratulating herself on "emailing from the recovery room" to make "a big deadline 48 hours after delivery.
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'I am not okay': The remarkable response to the Charlie Rose allegations, from his CBS colleagues
This afternoon, Charlie Rose was fired from PBS and CBS. This morning, G ayle King and Norah O'Donnell, who anchor with Charlie Rose, reported on this national story. Here's an excerpt from an article by J. Freedom du Lac , Amy B Wang and Marwa Eltagouri which discusses this video clip. I'm okay and not okay. How are you? Are you talking about this with your kids, friends, partner, co-workers? I've been asked how I'm handling all the news reports of sexual harassment, assault and abuse being...
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Imagine living inside a box buried inside a box buried inside a box...
That's how Dr. Kent Hoffman, Co-Originator of Circle of Security International began his comments about this incredible new resource for parents! See his full statement below. A short six years ago, ChildWise Institute was founded by Intermountain , a nationally-recognized organization specializing in helping and healing children from emotional and mental health disorders. Intermountain are also experts in helping families of distressed children create a nurturing environment of stability...
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When Kids Ask (Really) Tough Questions: A Quick Guide (npr.org)
Anyone with kids in their life knows what it's like to be surprised by a tough question. It can come at any time, often when you least expect it: at breakfast, at bedtime or from the back seat. We're parents ourselves, and it's these questions — and the awkward, knee-buckling panic they induce — that led us to create a new series of parenting guides for NPR's Life Kit , a family of podcasts dedicated to making your life just a little bit easier. Life Kit's podcast, Parenting: Difficult...
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Who Decides if ACEs Science is Shared? We Do!
Hi Parenting with ACEs Community: There's always a lot of discussion about if, how, when and where the ACEs survey should be shared with people and it's an important topic. I get that it's sensitive. How medical providers share, is of course, an important discussion for medical providers to have (and ideally WITH patients, staff and medical providers guiding each other about what works best and is trauma-informed for all). IF medical providers share about the ACEs study and research, on the...
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Why Jeannie Can’t Tell Time (www.attachmenttraumanetwork.org/)
Wonderful piece of writing on the ATN blog. It's by Janyne McConnaughey, Ph.D. Here's an excerpt: Staring at the analog clock in my therapist’s office, I wondered which hand was the big hand and struggled with my need not to go over my time. “I can’t read the clock,” I said. It was awkward because I was 62, but I really wasn’t. This awkward therapy moment is brought to you by my dissociative disorder. It was a watershed moment in understanding one possible reason for uneven learning in the...
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ACEs & African Americans Community on ACEs Connection
ACEs Connection envisions a resilient world where ALL people thrive. We are an anti-racist organization committed to the pursuit of social justice. In our work to promote resilience and prevent and mitigate ACEs, we intentionally embrace and uplift people who have historically not had a seat at the table. ACEs Connection celebrates the voices and tells the stories of people who have been barred from decision-making and who have shouldered the burden of systemic and economic oppression as the...
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After the Chat Review & Additional Resources: Talking Tough Topics with Kids
We had our first Parenting with ACEs Group chat a few weeks ago. The full chat transcript is saved online. For those who want highlights only and follow-up from our featured guest, Beth O'Malley, please find the following: Beth O'Malley: Talking Tough Topics as Social Worker, Parent & Adoptee How Lived Experience Can Be a Professional Asset Sharing Our Questions, Issues & Experiences How to Start Having Hard Conversations How to Talk with Teens ACEs as an AHA or Conversation Starter...
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Childhood PTSD and Avoidance: Learning to Be OK in Groups (Resilience Series)
It’s super common for those of us who grew up with abuse and neglect when we were small, to feel as adults that we are on the outside somehow. When we're in groups we feel as if we are only partly in it, and never really included . Or we start as a full participant but pull away over time. We un-include ourselves. But it feel like other people are keeping us out. The telltale sign that being on the outside could be a personal choice, even when it doesn’t feel like it, is that we’re almost...
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Choked & Soared: Public Speaking about Parenting After Childhood Trauma
I gave a keynote address to over 100 people. I’m not bragging. It was an epic failure. And an epic personal triumph. I traveled alone, spoke in public, met new people and shared meal times with total strangers! I tackled social anxiety, figured out flights, luggage and directions. I went in elevators and walked halls alone, without pepper spray. I searched in closets and under beds for monsters and then was able to fall asleep, and stay asleep, without drinking. Twice. Huge. Enormous.
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CPTSD and Social Awkwardness: Another Source of Isolation
For those of us who grew up with abuse and neglect at home, it can be hard to know how to ACT in social situations. Here's an example.... Have you ever been to a hotel where there is a person who is there to carry your bags, and even though you didn’t ask, they carry your bags to the room and it’s totally awkward, and you think “I’m supposed to give them a tip, right? I’ve, like seen this on TV. But you don’t have cash, and they’re just standing there ," and you think, "What do I do? What do...
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Dear Laurie (www.cagedmoments.com)
File this under kindness matters only every single time. And for lots of people, most especially, at this time of year. Excerpt from "Dear Laurie" post written by the same Heidi written about in this piece. I came in for a shift one night and she said, “oh” (nonchalant) “I picked up that doll you wanted.” She bought the doll and brought it in. For me. She saw it, knew I was looking for it, and picked it up for me. I was moved. I didn’t have a lot of people in my life. At all. All I did was...
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Re: Pueblo, CO, clinic rewrites the book on primary medical care by asking patients about their childhood adversity
Jane: This is filled with so many fantastic quotes and stories. This part though gave me a "hell yes," kind of feeling. “ACEs science is a social justice issue,” she says, because parents have the right to know the most powerful determinant of their children’s future health, safety and productivity. I think this quote is so powerful it should be on flyer, posters and billboards and in all presentations about ACEs. I think when we think of this way the idea that it's too upsetting or hard or...
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Re: Imagine living inside a box buried inside a box buried inside a box...
I do not know how we approach this.... But WE MUST.... This is what I have to say: When I was in medical school at Michigan, I was ready to commit suicide. Having attendings throw things against the wall was too much for me. There were no books to help people who were really messed up by their parent's except "Toxic Parents" which I read a 1000 Times. I didn't know what to do. I decided to get a parenting book from Barnes and Noble. I read it and I was floored. I didn’t have a clue how...
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Re: Make Time for Yourself—A Self-Care Guide for Busy Parents from Yolo County Children's Alliance
Dear Natalie: This is great. I like the feel, content and tone of the self-care guide for parents a lot. I haven't read the others yet. Thanks for sharing! Cissy
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Virtual Training: Fatherhood Engagement & Social Connections
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Opinion: We Need a Safety Net for Children Experiencing Toxic Stress [calhealthreport.org]
By Jim Hickman, California Health Report, June 8, 2020 We need to invest in the safety-net institutions that serve and support our most vulnerable now and during times of crisis. COVID-19 is decimating our fragile, unfunded and outdated safety net, and the vital links between families and their local economic, health and social supports. The pandemic has made “underlying conditions” the new code phrase for the social and health inequities disproportionately impacting black and brown...
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On Development and Dreams
By Rebecca Honig, Director of Content & Curriculum This weekend I had an opportunity to listen in to a mixed age conversation about dreams. It was a group of PreK-2nd graders. Under normal circumstances they’d be meeting in person to do projects, play together, learn together. This year, like so many things, they come together over Zoom. Two weekends ago they had gathered to honor the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. with a day of service. This weekend, to build on what...
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6 tips for healthy communication with parents
As we grow up, we have to rebuild relationships with parents: to get out of the usual adult-child paradigm and learn to speak as equals. At this stage, it is easy to distance yourself from them and lose understanding. We will tell you how to communicate with your parents when you are no longer a child. Talk to them as adults, not as parents If you are angry that your parents still communicate with you like a child, try changing your style of interaction with them. Evaluate how independent...
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Parenting for Social Justice: What You Can Do Starting from Birth (ZERO TO THREE)
These suggestions offer some starting points for parents who want their children to develop a just and inclusive worldview. Look at your baby or toddler. They are still learning to eat from a spoon, roll over, stack blocks, walk a few steps, or say their first words. It’s hard to imagine that even in these early years, young children are being shaped by the biases that surround them in the world. This is why parenting for social justice begins at birth. Get started with the following tips.
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There’s Something Wrong with My Baby: Beyond Reassurance (Claudia M. Gold, MD)
Mei, mother of four-month-old Amy, called to make an appointment in my behavioral pediatrics practice. Her thick accent made it difficult for me to understand her concern over the phone. She arrived at my office with her husband, Yuan, who spoke little English. I learned that they had recently immigrated from China. Although I had a blanket on the floor covered with toys, Mei stood tentatively, her movements awkward and hesitant, until I suggested she put Amy down. Immediately Amy gave me a...
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Big Heart World Parent and Caregiver Guides
Each month of the Big Heart World initiative , we will share a guide for parents and caregivers. The guide will introduce the the big idea of the unit, provide an overview of the resources that are available, and suggest ideas for how parents and caregivers can use the Big Heart World’s resources to support their children’s social and emotional learning. Feel free to print and share! August's guide is on Empathy . Past guides have covered the following themes: Friendship Similarities and...
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Parenting for Social Justice (ZERO TO THREE)
This resource collection from ZERO TO THREE provides ideas for parents who are wondering how to raise children who will stand up against racism and injustice. There are books that parents can share with their child to nurture identity, anti-racist resources for parents to read, and ideas for those who want to raise children in a more just and inclusive world. Click here to learn more!