Tagged With "Parent death"
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10 ways to avoid ACEs (during the pandemic)
How can we reduce ACEs and toxic stress during the COVID-19 pandemic? Many of us are concerned that increased stress might increase the risk for ACEs. For example, most child abuse happens when adults reach their breaking point. However, we are not powerless in the face of these challenges. HOPE - Healthy Outcomes from Positive Experiences - is a natural fit for ACES Connection, We invite you to join our new Balancing ACES with HOPE community . Let us know how you think HOPE about HOPE and...
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13 Reasons Why & Talking Points for Families (www.sscps.org - Counseling Department)
The South Shore Charter Pubic School (in MA) emailed a letter to families last week prior to the airing of season two of the Netflix series "!3 Reasons Why." They also shared some questions and talking points I found helpful . I know people have mixed feelings about how the show depicts teens, adults, depression, trauma, sexual assault, and death by suicide. For those that are watching and discussing the series and these issues, it seems like a great time to talk about childhood adversity...
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2017 Recovery Month
September is Recovery Month. With more than a quarter of those participating in the ACE study detailing addiction in the family, and addiction commonly co-occuring with numerous additional ACEs, it is important to raise the awareness in the general community about the impact of parental addition, and how family recovery can be celebrated during this important month. SAMHSA (Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration ) and many agencies, treatment centers and organizations...
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3 Signs You Have Emotionally Neglectful Parents [blogs.psychcentral.com]
It would be so much easier if emotionally neglectful parents wore a sign on their heads. And although many, if they are more obvious, like narcissistic, authoritarian or addicted parents, may be far easier to identify..., most emotionally neglectful parents are generally well-meaning. They want to be good parents, but they simply do not know what to do. They do not know that they need to validate their children’s emotions, or how to do it. Here’s the most important point: it does not matter...
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4 New Facts About ACEs Parents Need to Know [yahoo.com]
By Lisa Heffernan, Yahoo Lifestyle, January 24, 2020 Many Americans have at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE) before the age of 17. These ACEs include child neglect and emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, household challenges like substance abuse, mental illness, incarceration, parental separation, or divorce, and witnessing intimate partner violence. A collaboration between the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and Kaiser Permanente San Diego, the original ACE...
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4 years after integrating ACEs science, Pueblo, CO clinic improves services for families; cuts ER costs, doctor stress
Four years ago, Dr. Leslie Dempsey would never have talked about ACEs — adverse childhood experiences — with her patients. Now ACEs is a common topic. “Just as I don’t feel awkward asking someone if they smoke or do intravenous drugs, I don’t really feel awkward talking about their childhood traumas in a way that it relates to their health. It’s just integrated into obtaining background and social history,” she says. Dr. Leslie Dempsey Dempsey is a physician in obstetrics who oversees a team...
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5 Surprising Ways the Father Wound Harms Women [goodmenproject.com]
I’ve been dealing with the father wound for most of my life. When I was five years old my mid-life father became increasingly depressed because he couldn’t make a living supporting me and my mother. He took an overdose of sleeping pills and was committed to Camarillo State Mental Hospital. Many of us grow up without the presence of a loving, engaged, father in our lives. Some of us lose our fathers through illness, others through divorce, death, distance, or dysfunction. Like most losses,...
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5 Tickets to See Wrestling Ghosts, a New Documentary About Breaking the Cycle of Trauma!
Hi ACEs Parenting Community! Wrestling Ghosts , a new documentary about breaking the cycle of trauma, will be premiering at LA Film Festival on September 27th. The Wrestling Ghosts team wants to give away 5 tickets to the ACEs parenting community. We want the film to promote wellness in the ACEs community, and get watched by folks who would really love it. Tickets are first come, first serve; if you'd like to purchase one after the giveaway, try to get them this week; earlybird tickets are...
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7 Ways to Help a Child Deal with Traumatic Stress
Traumatic stress feels awful. Thankfully, there are small things we can all do to help relax a hyperaroused nervous system.
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75 Calm Down Strategies for Kids
I came across this webpage and wanted to share with my parent and caregiver small groups. My intern typed it up into a handout. Feel free to share.
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A Lament That Remains (www.psychologytoday.com)
While this article by Kristin Meekhof is geared towards children grieving the loss of a parent who had died, it has a lot of insightful ACE-related advice for parenting with ACEs This leads to the next point- death is very painful. However, resilient people aren't pain free, but they know how to handle it. You can expect there will be painful moments, such as holidays, the deceased parent's birthday, a school graduation. And pretending that pain will not exist during these or other occasions...
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A Relative Stranger (www.lilacsinoctober.wordpress.com)
Arwen Faulkner wrote this stunning piece about her father, ACEs, their relationships and his death. Like life, it's complex, painful and beautiful all at the same time. What I know about my father could fit on a grain of sand. He wore Drakkar Noir cologne, rode a Harley Davidson, and loved Jimi Hendrix. And he was an addict with a brilliant mind who struggled most of his life to shake the monkey off his back, until one day, that nasty monkey killed him. A few other things I wish I didn’t...
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A staggering one-in-three women experience physical, sexual abuse [un.org]
24 November 2019, UN News Here is the grim reality, in numbers: A third of all women and girls experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetime, half of women killed worldwide were killed by their partners or family, and violence perpetrated against women is as common a cause of death and incapacity for those of reproductive age, as cancer, and a greater cause of ill health than road accidents and malaria combined. The prevalence of the issue, “means someone around you. A family...
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Eleanor Scott on Facing her Fear of Abandonment in www.Guardian.com
I love this essay about adult love and childhood abandonment. Maybe we are parenting and helping our children through grief and loss due to death, divorce, desertion or abandonment. Maybe we've been there ourselves. Children often can't or won't verbalize what they are thinking or feeling at the time. Maybe we read it in their body language. Maybe we need to ask. And sometimes it's just wonderful to read about the real lives of complex people doing such as being brave in love. This part...
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Every Woman Was Once a Girl: Why We Need to Talk About the Unique Biological Effects of #ToxicChildhoodStress and #FemaleAdversity on Women’s Bodies and Brains
This is Part Two of my Female Adversity: The Female Body and Brain on Toxic Stress series. (CRUCIAL NOTE HERE BEFORE YOU READ: Boys’ immune systems become dysregulated in response to #toxicstress too, and that leads to disease and changes to the brain that we also need to talk about more openly AND compassionately. Today I’m focusing on girls’ unique immune response to #toxicstress.) So, exactly what happens in a girl’s body, in response to #toxicstress, that leads girls to be more likely to...
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Family Anxiety Challenge - Changing the Neural Pathways In Our Brains
I am a therapist who has to make an effort each day to manage my anxiety and negative emotions. Therapists are not usually open about their mental health in our culture; we are looked to as the expert and someone who has it "all together." But I became a therapist for two reasons, to help understand my brain, and to use what I learned to help others. I find that being transparent about my mental health inspires others to share their truths. Human beings are a work in progress. We know this...
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Father's Day for the Rest of Us
How do you manage Father's Day as an adult? How did everyone do on Father's Day? It's one of those holidays that can be so complicated for many of us. Maybe there's angst, anger or ambivalence? Maybe there's appreciation too. I wrote about how it has shifted for me since I found that my father died. I didn't expect to feel so much relief. I love having a dead dad. For the first time in my life I know where he is on Father’s Day. He is not homeless, alcoholic, absent or violent. He is no...
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Fathering as a Survivor (www.triggerpointsanthology.com)
We don't hear enough from men who have been abused as children. Byron Hamel is helping to change that. This is an interview done with Hamel by the Trigger Points Anthology website . It's the first in a series they are running about fathering as a survivor of childhood abuse. If you can't read the entire thing, and you should, please read this: I honestly think most people believe an abused boy is inherently going to become an abusive or neglectful dad. I gotta call bullshit on that one,...
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Fathers & ACEs with Trauma Dad & Father's Uplift CEO: Tuesday, September 12th
What supports exist to "uplift" fathers who have survived abandonment, abuse or torture as children? Where can men go to discuss the joys, struggles and issues of being a father with ACEs? Where are the men who face hard, heavy and complicated realities to make life easier and lighter for all who come after? We found two of them and they will be the featured guests in the next Parenting with ACEs chat . Meet Charles Clayton Daniels, Jr. of Father's Uplift and "Trauma Dad" Byron Hamel. Both...
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Fathers, Sons, and Intimacy: A Story of Moving Past Childhood Adversity
Seth’s natural impulse was to shy away from showing affection to his girlfriend. That made perfect sense to me since he grew up with a father who rarely showed affection to anyone in the family. Seth’s grandfather was an alcoholic who punished his children harshly. Seth understood his father received very little love and tenderness and probably never received any physical comfort like a hug or pat on the back. The lack of intimacy between father and son extended back through the generations.
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France's Early Learning / Positive Parenting Train set to launch tomorrow
"I'm not sure I like that metaphor!" Nathalie exclaimed. "I don't want to be burned at the stake!" I had just compared Nathalie to Joan of Arc, the symbol - for me - of the person willing to trust their inspired vision "against all odds," the person not fazed by the prospect of being considered crazy if it can just help to advance awareness of a new reality about which the general population is only dimly aware. Nathalie Casso-Vicarini is the creative genius behind France's Early...
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FREE WEBINAR 3/28/19: The Power of Play: Theraplay's Approach to Trauma-Informed Intervention
Join the Illinois ACEs Response Collaborative and Andrea Bushala from the Theraplay Institute for a free webinar as she discusses the role of everyday play in preventing and responding to trauma. Andrea will highlight how the Theraplay Institute has utilized coaching parents, educators, and clinicians in the simple games of childhood to forge connections and resilience building in the children they support. Theraplay is a child and family therapy for building and enhancing attachment,...
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Going beyond asking what happened: building beloved community
“Our goal is to create a beloved community and this will require a qualitative change in our souls as well as a quantitative change in our lives.”- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “beloved community is formed not by the eradication of difference but by its affirmation, by each of us claiming the identities and cultural legacies that shape who we are and how we live in the world.” –bell hooks One of the most notable descriptors of trauma-informed care is shifting the question of what is wrong...
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Good Parenting vs. Bad Neighborhood
Hello my name is Julius Patterson. I am currently a intern at Hopeworks N' Camden. I am twenty three years old and i am also a student at Camden County College. I found this article very intriguing because of past situations that i have encountered and i feel like i can relate on a personal level. Growing Up In Disadvantaged Areas May Affect teens Brains, But Good Parenting May Help By: Sarah Whittle, Julian G.Simmons, Nick Allen Summary & Analysis by: Julius Patterson Growing up in...
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Great parenting resource for Strengthening Families 5 Protective Factors
Here is a great website from the Five for Families public awareness campaign that explains the Strengthening Families 5 Protective Factors to parents. It has parent-friendly language, videos, questions to consider, and parenting ideas. https://fiveforfamilies.org/
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Great Resource for Educators and Parents - New Online training from CDC
CDC has launched a new free online training to prevent adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). It includes information about the risk and protective factors and outcomes associated with ACEs and evidence-based prevention strategies. Module 1 is an ACEs overview. Module 2 is a public health approach to preventing ACEs. Additional modules for specific professions such as mental health providers and medical providers are coming soon. No cost CEs are available. ...
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Handling Your Child’s Challenging Behaviors at Every Age: New Parenting Guide from Yolo Child Abuse Prevention Council/Yolo County Children's Alliance
The Yolo County Child Abuse Prevention Council (CAPC) and Yolo County Children’s Alliance (YCCA) are excited to share our new parenting guide: Handling Your Child’s Challenging Behaviors at Every Age. This resource for parents and caregivers provides positive discipline tips and resources to handle challenging behaviors in babies, toddlers, preschoolers, school-age children, and teenagers. Each age group page has: tips on how parents can connect with their child, some common challenging...
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Health Starts at Home
Hello, I thought I would post a little bit about the Health Starts at Home project we have began in West Virginia and some of the tools we are providing to parents. Our project is in a federally qualified health center and is aimed at screening for ACEs in children and prenatal patients. We are hoping to capture patients and children who have experienced 4 or more ACEs and provide information, education and resources to alleviate the effects of the toxic stress ACEs cause. In terms of...
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Helping A Child Whose Parent is Struggling with Addiction [npr.org]
By Kavitha Cardoza, National Public Radio, February 6, 2020 What can you do if you're a teacher, a neighbor, a churchgoer, a coach ... and you suspect a child is being impacted by a parent's addiction? Maybe you're thinking, "I'd love to help but it's not my business." Or "I want to reach out but I don't know much about addiction." Remember that episode of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, where he tells children to "look for the helpers"? You can be that helper simply by being present for the...
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Helping Families Stay Regulated during a Pandemic
As our communities struggle to do what is needed to keep people safe and families work to find a new a “normal” while caring for and educating children at home full time – it can be a lot to handle. Child psychologist and trauma expert, Dr. Bruce Perry offered 8 tips for helping children stay regulated in this recent article from Psychology Today . Dr. Perry was also a part of this video resource for parents, Staying sane while Parenting with Shelter-in-Place! For service providers who would...
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Helping Parents Develop Positive Relationships with their infants to toddlers (National Partnership to End Interpersonal Violence,NPEIV).
Zero to Three Resource- extracted from website and with discussion text by Karin Hecht (September 14, 2018) Bonding activities between parent and child can be a great way to help a child’s development and strengthen the relationship. The Zero to Three website has great resources for child-centered activities to help little ones learn and grow. One particularly useful resource for parents and care providers are a collection of stage-by-stage age-based tips and what to expect as your baby...
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Home Gun Safety Queries in Well-Child Visits [jamanetwork.com]
By Carole H. Stipelman, Greg Stoddard, Kyle Bata, et al., JAMA Pediatrics, October 28, 2019 Firearms are a leading cause of death in US children, and the rate of suicide by firearms in people aged 10 to 19 years has increased since 2008.1 In the United States, 4.6 million children (approximately 7%) live in households with at least 1 gun that is stored loaded and unlocked.2 Safe storage of guns and ammunition may decrease the occurrence of self-inflicted or unintentional firearm injury to...
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How Racism May Cause Black Mothers To Suffer The Death Of Their Infants [npr.org]
Editor's note: This story contains language that may be offensive. In February 2009, Samantha Pierce became pregnant with twins. It was a time when things were going really well in her life. She and her husband had recently gotten married. They had good jobs. "I was a kick-ass community organizer," says Pierce, who is African-American and lives in Cleveland. She worked for a nonprofit that fought against predatory lending. The organization was growing, and Pierce had been promoted to...
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How to Avoid Being Psychologically Destroyed by Your Newsfeed (blog post)
Excerpt from this blog post, which I wrote earlier today: "This past week has been brutal, in terms of what has been coming across my newsfeed. And 2016 wasn't exactly a picnic either. So lately I've been thinking a lot about the mental health impact of a steady avalanche of Really Bad News. Many of us (myself included) deal with mental health challenges on a daily basis and being fed a steady diet of devastating world events only serves to make that harder. So I've decided to share a few...
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How to Become a Compassionate Parent
There are many benefits to learning how to feel your emotions. One is it helps you become a more compassionate, empathetic parent. The weekend before I flew to Iceland, I pulled my luggage out of our storage room and came across the boxes I’m saving for my girls. These boxes contain all of my daughters’ art, birthday decorations, cards, diaries, etc., from the time they were little girls. It was a family weekend, so we all decided to go through these mementoes together. It was a sweet...
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The Trauma Resiliency Model: A “Bottom-Up” Intervention for Trauma Psychotherapy (Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association)
Grabbe L, Miller-Karas E. The Trauma Resiliency Model: A “Bottom-Up” Intervention for Trauma Psychotherapy. Journal of the American Psychiatric Nurses Association. 2017; 24 (1): 76-84.
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The truth about parenting with a mental illness [metro.co.uk]
There’s no doubt about it: mental illness sucks. And it’s even suckier when it starts to affect your children. It’s something I know only too well as a mother of two with a diagnosis of recurrent depressive disorder – an illness that has seen me suicidal and hospitalised on more than one occasion. My children, aged six and 11, have had their childhoods shaped by my illness. They’ve seen me so unwell that I’ve been unable to get out of bed, let alone make their packed lunches or take them to...
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"They Know My Name": Parents Help Make a Collective Impact
Kimberlee Coronado recalls listening to a presentation of statewide data on children, poverty and trauma, and feeling acutely aware of the survey’s missing piece. It was a meeting on trauma-informed care; around the table were social service providers and representatives of local and county agencies. Coronado felt her anger rising. “I said, ‘What’s not even on your radar are kids with disabilities; you’re missing a whole category of kids who experience daily trauma,’” she recalls. Coronado...
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Title 'How To Stop Disrespecting Your Children' Caught My Eye
This article is written by Darcia Narvaez, PhD and is posted on Kindred Media . It got my attention because the title, 'How To Stop Disrespecting Your Kids' is geared specifically to parents. Many articles are written about parents but not to parents. And sometimes, articles talk about parents in ways that are so condescending they are hard to read. This article gives parents direct access to the ACEs test and the Aces Too High website which is also great to see. It does a decent job of...
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To Your Health A 7-year-old told her bus driver she couldn’t wake her parents. Police found them dead at home.
I see ACEs everywhere now and I think about them all of the time. I think about them in relation to the children reported on in this article but also in relation to the parents. It's disturbing to picture a child of any age finding a parent incapacitated or dead. And there are several examples of that in this story (so be warned). But what's missing is talk about why there is so much drug use, abuse, overdose and even death. There is hardly any mention of why so many people are addicted to...
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To Zoe’s Mom: I See You
I am not even sure where to start. But, I know I need to write about this. I need to give this to the world. Perhaps to another mother who is facing the darkness and can’t see her way out. Perhaps she is watching her children caught in the cyclone that is her life. I think she is who I am writing this for. And maybe for me too. I am doing some amazing work with a community that is fast becoming dear to my heart. I look at the people who keep showing up that are trying to wrap their heads...
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Tracing One’s Family ACEs Tree to Break the Familial Cycles of Alcohol Misuse
My marrying an alcoholic never made sense to me. My mother developing the disease of alcoholism never made sense to me, either. And why my loved ones couldn’t get it together to stop or wrest control of their drinking was equally confusing. Yet I churned around and in and through this muck for almost four decades before my world was split wide open. It was 2003 and one of my loved ones entered a residential treatment program for alcoholism. I remember experiencing a giddy – “I knew it, I...
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Transforming NJ Child-Care Centers into Nurturing, Trauma Informed & Trauma Sensitive Environments: One non-profit’s successful pilot
With a lot of discussion nationally surrounding the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACES), trauma and resilience it is certainly a topic that still needs to reach educators and parents alike. A recent survey showed that only 10% of early childhood educators had ever heard of ACES, yet 100% reported wanting more information about how trauma impacts children’s behaviors. While teachers certainly notice behaviors in the classroom, they often feel overwhelmed or unsure of the best way to...
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Trauma in the Classroom: How Educators Should Approach it and What Parents and Students Should Expect From Schools [newsstand.clemson.edu]
By Michael Staton, Clemson University College of Education, November 18, 2019 When students arrive at school, they don’t check their trauma at the door or ignore it. Considering the effect trauma can have on student learning, teachers can’t choose to ignore it, either. Trauma leads to learning problems, lower grades, suspensions, expulsions and even long-term health problems. Teachers are increasingly expected to identify and work with issues students bring to school, and based on related...
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Trauma Informed Parenting during the COVID-19 Pandemic
If your child has a traumatic history, what can you do to help them cope during this very uncertain and chaotic time?
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Trauma-Informed Parenting: What Adoptive & Foster Parents Can Help Teach, Part 1
People sometimes feel bad for adoptive parents. They think maybe our kids say, "You're not my real parents" on a daily basis and that we go to bed crying each night because we can't have kids of our "own." Do they think we had to "settle" for adoption or fostering? Do they worry we feel less than as parents? We don't. It's true that some of us have fertility issues. And maybe have grief about that. It's true that our children may love us and their birth parents, foster family members. It's...
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Trauma-Informed Parenting: What Adoptive & Foster Parents Can Teach, Part 2
I wonder how we can better support all parents so they (we) get enough support to be the reliable rocks our children require? And where can we get assistance when that's not possible?
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Two Parkland Suicides Highlight the Lasting Impact of Trauma. Here's How Parents and Teachers Can Help Teens Who Are Struggling [time.com]
A pair of recent suicide deaths in Parkland, Fla., serve as a stark reminder of the lingering effects of trauma — and underscore the importance of providing long-term support to those who are living with its consequences. Just days after 19-year-old Sydney Aiello, who survived the mass shooting at Parkland’s Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School last year, died by suicide , police confirmed that an unnamed current student at the high school had also died by “apparent suicide .” Police did not...
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Two Parkland Suicides Highlight the Lasting Impact of Trauma. Here's How Parents and Teachers Can Help Teens Who Are Struggling [time.com]
A pair of recent suicide deaths in Parkland, Fla., serve as a stark reminder of the lingering effects of trauma — and underscore the importance of providing long-term support to those who are living with its consequences. Just days after 19-year-old Sydney Aiello, who survived the mass shooting at Parkland’s Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School last year, died by suicide , police confirmed that an unnamed current student at the high school had also died by “apparent suicide .” Police did not...
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Understanding This Theory is Essential to Being Trauma-Informed
My typically happy, well-adjusted 11-year old daughter was having a melt downs of all melt downs. She was crying hysterically. I could hear her wailing downstairs as she was upstairs. I could feel my heart rate rising as her distress increased. I called up to my husband; “What is going on with Hannah?” Granted, the night before was a late Halloween night fueled by massive amounts of sugar. That right there renders a dire state in the body – little sleep, ample sugar. My gut twisted as I...