I have PTSD.
It sounds scary and many people judge me and sometimes fear me
It does not help when I get dysregulated because I get loud, aggressive, and send out words of my truth like daggers.
My truth, my message no matter how insightful and valuable is LOST in translation as I watch the walls go up over the ears of the recipients ~ the very ones that I want to LISTEN to me.
Delivery of the message counts, people, more than it should.
Human nature dictates that it does.
The anger that I hold within is so intense.
I try so hard to hold it back that it exhausts me
Holding anger within is not healthy
So when I get triggered, when I am down then I cannot hold that anger back
When triggered I release the full fury of my anger, to hurt those who hurt me
NOT the person in front of me
When I am triggered I see nothing but my pain within ALL of it as I relive my past adversity ALL of it
My counsellor gave me a strategy _ I am learning how to use it
It is called STOP
It is an acronym for:
- STOP what I am doing -
- TAKE A STEP BACK like literally take a step back or when on Zoom lean back in my chair
- OBSERVE self and others using all my senses meaning see, listen, think, feel, smell, taste what is my body telling me and what are the bodies of others telling me
- PROCEED MINDFULLY means be in the moment right now. I am not in the past and I am not in the future. I am here right now with these people so I must talk and interact with those people NOT the people who harmed me in my past
I am learning so I need to practice it repeatedly until it becomes a HABIT so I do it with automaticity
Here are 9 steps to making change from Seth Perler TEFOS
I suggest you check him out because he makes good sense in regards to Executive Functioning
A Model of Change by Seth Perler
- Understand the problem and the context
- Build the relationship
- Get buy-in
- Address underlying problems ~ iceberg theory
- Build the right foundation of MINDSETS
- Build the right foundation of SYSTEMS
- Build the right foundations of HABITS
- Implement ( foundations and practice repeatedly)
- Maintain (sharpen the sword)
The most important factor for making change is RELATIONSHIP
That is why I am learning to self-regulate and I am learning to implement STOP because if I am to MAKE CHANGE then I need people to LISTEN to me.
People cannot listen to me when they are surrounded by walls right over their ears.
To all those that have faced my anger, my fury, my storm
To all those that I have inadvertently triggered
I am truly sorry
Now that I am aware of the harm I cause, I am working hard to rectify my behaviour.
I HOPE this helps others....it is only one strategy of many that we can use to learn how to self-regulate.
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