Warning: it may be triggering
Below is a link to an article from the NZ Herald today
It triggered me
Because I have lived it
Many others have too
We remained silent
Thanks to the NZ Herald journalist, Carolyn Meng-Yee
And his wife lives on with her memories
I hope that Pua's wife gets all the support she needs
I thank her for having the courage and strength
to share her journey with us
So that we can take time to reflect and learn
I am sending her all my aroha and awhi to surround her
to protect her and keep her safe
MESSAGES
The messages in this article are so very important
Never underestimate the trauma from your past
Never underestimate the pain that people go through even when they do not say it. Their actions will show their distress
It is so important that people understand without judgement
Know me to understand me
Know me before you judge me so that you can respond appropriately when you see a loved one in a bad place
Many of us suffer trauma and we do not know we have PTSD
The fact is you do not need to have a diagnosis to get help
Know this..it is so hard to help yourself when you are in a bad place
You need those who understand you to help you in your time need
That is why a safety plan is created BEFORE we fall into darkness
Hard as it is we all need to have the courage and strength to face our demons and to listen to our loved ones who are facing their demons so that we understand.
We have to understand in order to respond appropriately and you can't understand through ignorance
This is why trauma-informed approach is what is needed here in NZ
And not from a textbook
A trauma-informed approach is a state of mind, a state of being, a state of doing
Read the article carefully
Pua was penalised by the State for his behavioural responses based on his past trauma
Is that what a trauma-responsive State does to it's people?
I say, NO
I am not justifying his behaviour
But I understand that Pua behaved as he did because he did not have strategies due to his life journey
I do not even know him
His wife understood this because she still loves Pua
Both Pua and his wife would have struggled to try to understand what they were going through and trying so hard to find help
Help came too late
Had we as a nation truly been trauma-informed - trauma-responsive, Pua would have got HELP not PENALISED
When I read this article, I cried
I was in Takapuna Cafe and I cried
Because what happened to Pua and his wife is happening to far too many of us in New Zealand
By the State who tells us they are trauma-informed
I know that State agencies are now reaching out but they are going forward without the people
Sadly, Pua Magasiva had to disappear
forced to fight his demons alone
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