According to Thich Nhat Hanh, deep, compassionate listening has only one purpose: to help another person empty his or her heart. Even if a listener disagrees with someone’s perspective, they can still listen attentively and with compassion. The mere act of listening helps relieve the pain that often clouds perception, and when people feel heard, validated, and understood, they are better able to figure out solutions on their own. Deep listening and the emotional resonance it creates calms the nervous system and helps create a state of optimal learning—open and receptive, trusting and calm, yet alert. This is the neurological state we want to cultivate in our classrooms.
Daniel Siegel describes this state as “feeling felt.” We’ve all experienced that sense of relief when someone truly “gets” us. Research shows that emotional resonance between young children and their caregivers results in the creation of neural pathways in the prefrontal cortex of the brain (the seat of higher-order functions). For adolescents, whose brains are more malleable and receptive to their environments than they will ever be again, creating resonant environments in the classroom may be especially important.
For students to mirror each other’s felt experience, they first need to share responsibility for creating a space where everyone feels they belong. In my classroom, I ask, “What do you need to feel safe with the people in this room?,” and students invariably generate a list of relational qualities that embody compassion: acceptance, trust, respect, and support. Because they are hungry for authentic connections, they readily agree to create a learning community with these qualities as the foundation. The appreciation they feel for having a place to share their deeper thoughts and feelings is often palpable.
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