I am a therapist and my client died tragically. Here is what it taught me about grief that can't be found in textbooks. (msn.coom)

The author. Courtesy of Juliet Lam Kuehnle© Provided by INSIDER

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I found out by word of mouth. While I live in a relatively big city, it can feel so small at times. I heard through the grapevine that someone who ran in a familiar circle had died. I felt this weird churning in my belly as the pieces started to come together, and I figured out that the deceased was my client. I felt dizzy at the realization. I know this person, knew this person, and knew them really well.

So well, in fact, that I potentially knew them better than anyone else in the world. Such is the privilege of being one's therapist. We, therapists, become the keeper of another person's story, of their humanness: their goals, dreams, secrets, shame, desires, longings, and intentions.

But then, what was I to do with the information once I knew it was my client who died? Because of HIPAA — the federal law that requires therapists to protect the information of a client — I couldn't divulge to anyone how I knew this person or even that I knew them at all.

The loneliness I felt in this solitary grief was immense. It triggered a depressive episode for me as I was constantly slapped in the face with the reminder of the enormity of the work I do as a therapist. I work with people's lives — until I don't.

For the first time, I'd lost a client. Their life, our work, and that relationship ended abruptly.

I wasn't taught in school what to do when a client dies

I don't remember any classes in graduate school discussing what to do if a client dies. I have a handful of colleagues who have discussed their experiences. But to now be a part of a club that no one wants to be a part of has made me reflect on the therapeutic dynamic like never before. I have to stress what an enormous privilege it is to walk with someone in their story, at their most vulnerable, on their paths to growth, balance, awareness, and healing. I do not take any of it for granted.