In her new book, An Abolitionist’s Handbook: 12 Steps to Changing Yourself and the World, Patrisse Cullors starts with courageous conversations. She says, “We have courageous conversations because our goal is to live inside of a healthy community that values the dignity of every single human being.” These conversations typically arise out of our lived experiences. They are conversations we have because we care. They are conversations that first start with us.

Through Cullors’ own story, she demonstrates how hard courageous conversations can be, especially with family, friends, other organizers, or elders in our communities. She points out that “Many of us, including myself, were taught in homes, places of worship, schools and many other institutions to hold back our words, not necessarily because someone explicitly told us to be secretive but rather because we witnessed all the adults around us who lacked the courage to be honest with themselves and others. This is not a judgment; it is an observation.”

We replicate the behaviors around us. Challenging the status quo, even in conversation, even with our mothers, is hard and requires courage. To question deeply entrenched beliefs and values about each other and ourselves and to dismantle massive, violent systems requires tenacity and the readiness to understand the difference between responding to the world and reacting.

These are the same forces that drive our children into the school-to-prison pipeline, leave our elders vulnerable to eviction, steal our loved ones from our homes, and perpetuate harm and systemic violence through punishment and incarceration. Many of us live in conditions that force us to be constantly reacting with little time to formulate a helpful response. Cullors writes, “Abolition is about how we respond to harm caused and how we respond when we cause harm.” Abolition is stopping the cycle of reaction and creating space to respond with care and dignity.

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