I was checking out some new reading material on Amazon when I stumbled on a book review of Emotional Sobriety, in which the reviewer included author Tian Dayton's definition of codependency: 

"Codependency, I feel, is fear-based and is a predictable set of qualities and behaviors that grow out of feeling anxious and therefore hypervigilant in our intimate relationships. It is also reflective of an incomplete process of individuation....Though codependency seems to be about caretaking or being overly attuned to the other person, it is really about trying to fend off our own anxiety." 

As so many observers have noted, the term "co-dependency" has been overused, misused, and just downright misunderstood (including by me!).

Though I'm not a psychologist, Dayton's reference to undeveloped individuation in relation to co-dependency felt spot on, and I bought the book then and there.

Dayton covers far more than just co-dependency, however. I especially loved her sections that describe how our bodies process emotions, how childhood trauma carves itself into our neural systems, and why attachment wounds are so utterly devastating to a developing child. She includes lots of research into neuroscience too.

As for the title, Dayton writes:

"The essence of emotional sobriety is good self-regulation. It means that we have...developed the ability to experience our inner worlds without running from them so that we can come to understand what makes us tick. Emotional sobriety also means that we have learned how to tolerate our intense emotions without acting out in dysfunctional ways, clamping down and foreclosing on our feeling world, or self-medicating." 

Dayton devotes a healthy portion of the book discussing ways to achieve emotional sobriety and bring this balance to our lives. For more information: https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Sobriety