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Here's a place where you can review books, educational dvds and documentaries that relate to ACE concepts or trauma-informed practices. "Education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world." ~ Nelson Mandela

My Tears in His Bottle: prayers from the heart of a special needs’ mom

Chaplain Chris Haughee 8/23/179:21 AM

Pat Hays has written a devotional book that gives wonderful insight into the joys and struggles that parenting a child with emotional special needs presents. Her book, My Tears in His Bottle: prayers from the heart of a special needs’ mom, contains excerpts from her personal prayer journal as she worked through the last fifteen years of balancing her calling to be an adoptive parent with the roadblocks she encountered in her neighborhood, friendships, school district, marriage, and church as she sought understanding, acceptance, and peace for her and her family.

As a chaplain at a residential facility working with children with special needs (kids on the spectrum, emotional disturbance, trauma recovery, etc.), Pat Hays’ story feel very familiar. Nearly every family I meet at intake says, "We were going to church until..." and then proceeds to tell a story about how they looked for comfort and healing in the church and they had a hard time making connections and feeling understood. Worn out from advocating for their children at school, in the neighborhood, with doctors and nurses, therapists, and many others that come into the lives of a special needs family, Pat Hays holds out hope that some pastors and some churches really to “get it” and want to support and uplift families of special needs children.

That's why I am so enthusiastically supportive of this book! Honestly, it does what coaching and training in trauma-informed principles can't do... it expresses the heart of a mother seeking to make sense of the parenting challenge God has given her. Only when that empathy is built can a community of faith make the leap from seeing special needs children as a challenge to endure to a blessing for the church.

I would love for churches, small groups, and individuals who have a "Pat Hays" in their life to read this book and meditate on the scriptures she pairs with her prayers. Pat masterfully walks the line between holding out the hope we have in Jesus Christ while embracing the reality that discipleship often means suffering, difficulty and the loss of what we envisioned for ourselves and our families.

There are no Hallmark card pithy platitudes within the pages of this book, and in embracing the grittiness needed for true Christian discipleship, it has the ability to provide the "comfort with which we ourselves have been comforted" (2 Cor. 1:3-5). It's an amazing book and I couldn’t recommend it more highly!

If you are interested in My Tears in His Bottle, you can order the book through Amazon.com by clicking this LINK.

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Christine Cissy WhiteIt's not trauma-informed unless it's informed by trauma survivors.

Chris:

Thank you for sharing this. The title immediately got my attention. As an parent with high ACEs, I have been constantly raised up by adoptive parents who have learned and shared what they have learned about love, attachment, trauma and parenting. It has not only benefited my parenting but my own healing. Because, unlike many of us with high ACEs in childhood, who have a whole family and maybe generations and generations with high ACEs, that's not always the case with adoptive families (though sometimes it is). And so, many adoptive parents go in full force and ready to love.

And then learn about race difference and class differences and poverty and the ACE related stuff that impacts birth families and children. We learn about what trauma in infancy and early life does, including the trauma of not being in one's birth family, home and culture. We may learn that on the front lines - in homes and hearts and as we see how our own children struggle or navigate or cope (and also thrive).

And I think that provides a view that is more personal and less clinical. But for many, it's also painful. So many of us who adopt (though not all) may be white, middle class, assumed and experienced a fairly safe world and have other advantages in our culture we didn't know were advantages. It's often a startling shock to learn about the silence, denial and sometimes even disgust others show when we try to share our experiences or speak about them or ask that they be considered as a whole community and not only as a personal or private family issue.

Anyhow, I'm eager to learn about this book and so glad you shared it and your perspectives about it here!

Cissy

8/24/173:24 AM

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