Some parents misunderstand self-compassion and dismiss it as being self-centered, indulgent, or lazy. They fear it might lead to self-pity or that, if they aren’t tough enough, their kids will slack off and won’t be motivated or disciplined.

But a growing body of research by Kristin Neff and her colleagues suggests that self-compassion is an antidote to self-pity. It helps us cope with tough situations like divorce and trauma, keeps us motivated, and helps us be more supportive and caring in our relationships.

Furthermore, it’s important to note that our state of mind impacts our children, and our kids do better if we practice self-compassion—and don’t blame ourselves when they struggle. In a recent study of over 900 Dutch families, researchers found that parents who reported less self-blame had teens with fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety. Non-judgmental self-compassion may have been a core factor in this dynamic. Since children imitate our example, treating ourselves with compassion and without judgment can help them do the same. 

In my book, Self-Compassion for Parents, I offer a number of mindfulness and self-compassion practices that are user-friendly for parents or teachers, take virtually no time, and can be done with eyes open. Here are a few that any parent can do during their normal day. 

1. Just two breaths of kindness. 

2. Finding magic in the mundane.

3. Appreciating our hands.

To read more of Susan M. Pollak's article, please click here.