I recently read a quote that @Christine Cissy White shared that says, "Trauma informed care isn't trauma informed, without the trauma survivor." No matter what degree, training, or book you acquire you can never really know how it feels to experience trauma unless you go through it.
I remember when I first discovered I had an ACE score of 7; I had been serving the community by teaching resiliency, self-healing, and breaking stigmas around mental health. I came across the ACEs test while alone in my room and immediately began to re-live all the experiences I could recall that gave me such a high score. I could see the little girl I once was and felt so much love and compassion for her. As hard as it was to take a look at, it gave me a sense of validation of my whole life, the patterns, my parenting style, my defense mechanisms, my relationships, the mystery body ailments, and other aspects of well...me. Taking the test also gave me hope that I could live beyond knowing my score. I was not my score, it was just one part of the fabric that made me unique.
I was quite surprised that not one doctor or therapist had explored giving me an ACE score during a time in my life when over the course of 3 months I had 4 different therapists and 4 different doctors as well as a one week self-admitted stay in a mental health facility trying to find answers to the mystery of why my body had totally shut down mentally and physically to the point that I was untreatable. Literally that is what I was told. I was given the conclusion that my untreatable experience that had landed me into their seats with a large scar on my wrist was a result of my childhood and a diagnosis of PTSD. I was put on 18 pills a day and guided to re-live the traumatic experiences over and over in hopes it would cure me somehow and since I was not a veteran there was not much treatment for me.
I knew I had to be an advocate for myself and could see I had gotten lost in the system and my medical team had failed me. I can see clearly now that things would have been very different if the medical team had a strong network of care with the tools to asses me for ACEs, had the connections to refer me to resources, and had been trained in trauma-informed care. That inspires me to continue to make my voice heard, the voice of a trauma survivor.
So much opportunity has come from me discovering my ACE score, I realize this sounds like a odd thing to say. However, it allows me to see things very different. It comes easy to me to make connections, bringing people together and meeting them where they are, helping them come to resources in a way that is relatable, looking at events and programming through their lens..the very same lens I share. It has come full circle, there was a reason why I had went through all I had, so I could be who I am today and use my experiences to improve our countries systems.
I am the WHY I show up for ACEs Connection. I will not be a prisoner of my past and will continue to learn, grow, and heal myself. I have a gift to share that will change how medical teams care for their patients, how people come to resources that buffer toxic stress, to prevent, treat and heal. I am part of the movement that strengthens communities and protects families. I am a leader and will continue to use my voice to create change and open the doors for conversation.
What is YOUR why?
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