Cis I can relate to all of this. We've all had those moments as parents where the past affects how we respond. I love the idea of doing yoga after a tough parent/child moment -- as a way to heal the stress of an altercation! Brilliant. My hardest moments as a parent have been when I convey feelings I don't want to convey (appearing to be shut down, angry, overwhelmed) and I end up going from happy normal parenting of my lovely kids, who matter to me more than anything on earth -- to an...

Donna, I'm glad to know this is familiar to other parents as well. The repair, and quickly, is so important and keeps things from festering or growing. It does bring some relief to know I'm not the only one. I know that is true but it's also good to hear others experience similar things, what happens and different ways to respond! And yes, I like the yoga too to get ME in touch with my better self so I can better parent and we can both LITERALLY get calm together. So far, my daughter is...

Really glad to have you here Judith! We are never too old to come back to who it is we hope to be, no matter the past. Hope this community helps us all to get further on the journey! Originally Posted by judith haire: All this talk of early mortality is premature for me I am late to this party. I have an ACE score of 8. I am almost 60. That said I thank my lucky stars I found this community.

Have you talked with friends, siblings or co-workers about Parenting with ACEs while going through the change? Do you have any fascinating facts to share about how your OBGYN prepared or supported you when thrown by midlife, hormonal shifts and emotional residue from traumatic stress? Me either. And it's a shame. A lot of people parent, go through menopause, and have survived a bunch of ACEs. Conversations and information shouldn't be so hard to find. But they are. T hat's the reason we...

“I love you,” I say to my daughter. “Of course you do,” she says, I’m awesome.” She was twelve. The mother in me smiled. The girl I was shook her head inside and wondered h ow would it have been to feel both loved and lovable while a child? I do not know. I will never know. It does not matter how wonderful my present. It does not matter who I will become. I can’t change the past. The past is a country I never want my daughter to travel near or in. I am an exile, from my past, my child self.

Childhood, like literature, lasts." Lance Woolaver, paraphrased from his book, Maud Lewis: The Heart at the Door. Even in the midst of conflict, I have known moments of maternal bliss. I had one just recently when my daughter and I hit a snag. It wasn't one of the ugly, awful or prolonged kinds. That's not due to me though. That's mostly because my kid has a practical, logical and rational nature which does not clash with my more emotional, reactive and fearful one. We are alike enough to...

I devoted half of my book, Childhood Disrupted , to science-based interventions on how individuals can heal from the effects of ACEs. Here are some of the basics. H ere are some really important healing steps we can all take – which the science shows can help reverse the changes to our brains and DNA that might have occurred, growing up with ACES Writing to heal. Research shows individuals who write about emotional upheavals and stressful experiences for 20 minutes each day, over a period of...

If you "do the rounds" you'll see that this has actually been screened before "do the rounds" -- get yourself on the mailing lists for Psychotherapy Networker NICABM -- National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine SoundsTrue but it's well worth seeing no matter where you find it

You go Joyelle! I am SO proud of you! I am a survivor too and I’m doing similar work. My focus is on helping adult survivors of adverse childhood experiences, not necessarily parents, to acknowledge and transform their pain. I’m so excited to hear you are in that avenue and can’t wait to point people to your work. I can’t tell you how much this encourages me because I have received some push back from experts in this space since I don’t have the certifications or licenses on this topic. I’ve...

Coping with Stress During the COVID-19 Pandemic: One-Pager

(This is a review of what I believe is an important new resource for the PACEs [for positive and adverse childhood experiences] science movement. Opinions expressed are my own, and are shared as a parent, advocate, author, and longtime student of trauma, healing, and prevention. Thoughts are also shared through my lens as someone who believes, deeply, in the incredible importance of and value in building healthier, more compassionate communities to support and nurture pregnant and new...

The brain doesn’t fully develop until about the age of 25. This fact is sometimes quite surprising and eye opening to most adults. It can also be somewhat overwhelming for new parents and professionals who are interacting with babies and young children every day, to contemplate. It is essential to realize however, that the greatest time of development occurs in the years prior to kindergarten. And even more critical to understand is that by age three 85 percent of the core structures of the...

Christina Bethell, Ph.D, MBA, MPH, founder of the Child and Adolescent Health Measurement Initiative (CAHMI), principal author of the groundbreaking study on positive childhood experiences, and creator of the free Well Visit Planner, among other innovations. Two internationally-respected leaders and innovators in complementary aspects of early relational health and childhood and maternal health equity recently launched a partnership they believe will benefit everyone from newborn babies and...

Emotion has an enormous impact on imprinting memory in our brains. I had an experience when I was 6 years old that included emotion and I have the memory of it all of these many years later. It was a 6 year old birthday sleepover party. There were 7 girls invited that lived near each other and played together most days. A girl new to the neighborhood was invited only due to the requirement of the birthday girl’s mother. I was also invited. I lived a block away but did play with these girls...