Hi Monica,

I'm a psychotherapist with a specialization in childhood trauma. I hear your frustration and am sorry you're dealing with this. Unfortunately, not all couples therapists will go beyond the "presenting problem". Of course some do, but potential clients needs to do their due diligence and address questions about a therapists training, experience and approach either over the phone or at the initial appointment. You're sensitive to these issues but most people aren't. Someone with untreated ACES may not necessarily know the impact of their early experiences on their relationships and may not think to ask these questions of a potential therapist. I agree it's a problem.

I imagine your personal situation is quite frustrating. You're right. Ignoring the elephant in the room makes for inadequate therapy.

My suggestion is to be upfront with your couples therapist and call attention to the issues/behaviors that you believe he/she is missing. Even if your partner is triggered, well... so what? There you are in a therapy session. What better place for someone to be triggered. Hopefully he'll receive competent support and help right then and there to feel grounded. But if you don't trust the therapist can handle it, then maybe it's time to switch to someone else.

I wish you all the best.