Erin NeSmith with Grow Into You Foundation
It’s 7am on a school day. He looks at the clock with a blank stare and wonders how today will unfold. What should be a joyous occasion packed with niceties and celebrations will be anything but for him. Today- he turns 18 and this is a day he has dreaded for months. It isn’t a day of family and fun, it’s the day he must pack up his stuff and move from the last of many homes he has survived in as a child in foster care. Today holds layers of uncertainty, clouded expectations, fear, anxiety, the unexpected, and the unknown. Where will he live? Who will care what happens to him? How will he make ends meet? His present today is independence, something no one has prepared him for.
Teens in America age out of foster care every day and, while their stories vary, many of the emotions are the same. Even the most well-equipped and well-adjusted young adults find their first steps on their own daunting, but it softens the blow when you have generations of family and friends to fall back on. Young adults with families have people to call up and ask a question, to return home to, and to comfort them when they need some reassurance that they are going to make it. For teens walking out of the doors of a foster home, there is no such fallback family because their family of origin isn’t a viable option for them, or else they would have been reunited long ago.
Grow Into You Foundation aims to step in at this critical crossroads and create a community of support for teens aging out of foster care that mimics that of a supportive family. A place to belong, seek help and advice, nurture bonds and participate in traditions. By no means is this foreign concept easy to grasp, execute or embrace but our team and our teens stay open to each other and put in the time to find trust and build relationships.
As we all know, the higher the ACE score, the more likely the physical, mental, and emotional challenges are as an adult. For our teens aging out of foster care, these risk factors start with extremely high stakes circumstantially before even getting to those deeper wounds and health challenges. Aging out for many equals daily crisis mode. The rates at which aged out youth find themselves hungry, homeless, incarcerated, trafficked, unemployed, uneducated, untethered to a support system or back in the foster care system as parents are staggering.
There are federal programs of provision for these “kids” (and I say kids because their emotional growth is most of the time severely stunted by the traumas they have suffered) but they must “perform” to obtain these federal dollars. By “perform” I mean successfully participating in full-time schooling and/or successfully holding a part-time job. Imagine asking your 9-year-old to keep their emotions in check while working the rush hour at the local Wendy’s or asking them to get no less than a “C” in a college course. That sounds ridiculous, right? Well, it’s pretty much the same when we expect it of ill equipped, cortisol overloaded teens who have experienced extreme trauma and adversity.
I paint for you this bleak picture because we can most assuredly understand something best when we have fully experienced its opposite. Happiness is sweeter when we have also tasted the bitterness of deep sadness.
Grow Into You Foundation provides life coaching, mentoring, resources, and housing for teens who are in or aging out of foster care. These teens are provided with a place to first and foremost be heard and seen for exactly who they are, right where they are. The validation and acknowledgment we seek to give through our listening, our presence, our conversation, and support often stand in stark contrast to the brushing off and dismissing they have experienced through their foster care journey.
When teens voluntarily decide to engage with our program, they are invited to participate in any number of opportunities including (but not limited to): meeting new people, joining in workshops, participating in traditions, receiving mentoring and life coaching as well as creating bonds and friendships. Additionally, for some, becoming a part of a Grow Into You extended foster care home allows them to experience a hybrid of independence and familial support while living alongside our anchor family mentors.
Whether we are sharing a meal, practicing driving, going to a local sporting event, meeting up for a book study, learning a new fun skill like ballroom dancing, or playing silly games at our annual Christmas party, the shared life and experiences culminate into a redeeming body of Positive Childhood Experiences that may be playing out for the first time in the lives of these young adults.
Research shows that these types of positive experiences don’t lose their power to cultivate resilience when provided at an older age. It is never too late to be exposed to PCEs. Rather, I have witnessed the deep appreciation and joy that older teens experience when someone thinks them worthy enough to still receive what was withheld from them in their younger years.
I remember back to the day I sent a text message to four teens that were being sponsored for a day trip to Disney. These teens/adults ranging from 19-22 years old had never been to Disney before. One of them wept endless tears of shock and overwhelming joy when receiving the news. The day of our trip was practically perfect in every way, truly magical.
Grow Into You Foundation is just beginning to find it’s footing in meeting the vast and challenging needs of this forgotten group of people in our society…those who have found themselves aging out of the foster care system.
With the discovery of Positive Childhood Experiences research, we are excited to have a way to translate how our work is positively changing the trajectory of the lives of those teens. We believe that when we provide them a place to belong, to be heard, to be valued and to be loved they will gain the strength and resilience they need to meet the challenges ahead as they become adults with purpose and passion to perpetuate more positive experiences for others.
If you are interested in supporting the work of Grow Into Foundation, please consider making a donation or becoming a reoccurring donor.
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