Terreca DeFehr is the Parents for Parents Coordinator for Spokane and Lincoln Counties. She is also a parent with lived experience successfully navigating the child welfare system and achieving reunification for her family.
Being recognized as a HOPE Community Champion was unexpected.
"My initial feelings were shock and surprise; what an honor, and took some time to process how this happened. As a parent with lived child welfare expertise who began the work sixteen years ago by starting the grassroots movement in Snohomish County, being recognized as a community partner is quite extraordinary and humbling."
Parents for Parents was founded by parents like Terreca, who struggled with feelings of overwhelming shame, grief and loss and hopelessness while also trying to comply with court orders they often did not understand, and expectations that seemed to shift and change without notice.
"I had no one who could help me figure it out, it was overwhelming - more than a full-time job. Housing was a barrier for me and prolonged reunification for an additional 6 months after I completed my services."
Most parents can't imagine the struggle, which is why Parents for Parents wants to connect trained Parent Allies who have successfully navigated the child welfare system with all parents who have recently become engaged with Child Protective Services.
Parents engaged with Parent Allies have increased compliance with scheduled visitation and court ordered services, increased attendance at hearings and court proceedings. In the context of the HOPE Relationship Building Block, engaged parents also have significantly increased family reunification rates - 70% in contrast to 53% without Parent Ally engagement. *
"Most important is being able to support belonging for the parents amid their adversities and put language to the emotional experience, so they do not have to feel as alone or let the shame and guilt that comes with being a parent involved with Child Welfare keep them from engaging and being able to visit their children."
Terreca explained that failure to engage in services is actually a predictable trauma response, even in parents desperate to reunify with their children.
"I'd like to see trauma informed practices applied to parents in the child welfare system. Fight, flight, freeze and fawn. We forget that parents are acting out of their own trauma, some freeze and shut down. They are seen as not compliant, when they actually having a trauma response."
Another issue tied to the 'fawn' trauma response can interfere with a parent accomplishing reunification - saying yes to every appointment regardless of schedule and transportation issues, causing the Court to see the parent as non-compliant or not committed to parenting as their top priority.
"I believed I had to do everything asked of me, never ask for help and do it five times better than they expected to prove I deserved to be a parent."
Navigating services, visits, appointments and court dates while searching for housing using only a monthly bus pass would be a struggle for anyone, even without the trauma of family separation.
The impact of Parents for Parents extends beyond reunification. Terreca is particularly proud of how becoming a Parent Ally can transform the experience from one of shame and isolation to one of self-advocacy and community connection.
"As the Parents for Parents program coordinator, I am able to support Parent Allies in their personal and professional growth. I am seeing them thrive in their relationships, becoming community partners, outstanding parents, and modeling hope by living in their courage and resiliency."
As an engaged community partner, Terreca has found herself testifying in 2021 on behalf of HB1194: Strengthening Parent Child Visits During Child Welfare Proceedings
"I had supervised (visits) for 18 months. I shared how the supervised visit was a distraction for me and my children’s relationship because my focus was on perfection in the eyes of the supervisor rather than the connection with my children."
Because visits are central to reunification success, Terreca and P4P have prioritized building a collaborative relationship with the providers of supervised visitation, bringing a panel of parent allies and providers together to increase understanding and empathy.
After the panel, one provider created one-pagers for parents that shared how they supported the parents for their Family Time visit and what resources they provided, like food, hygiene, and toys for their children."
Parents for Parents, providers and other stakeholders also make up the Family Time Workgroup facilitated by Terreca and dedicated to increasing timely visits, especially during the first 72 hours after children are removed.
It hasn't always been so collaborative. Terreca explained to me how it felt to be recognized as a HOPE Community Champion after struggling to connect with other professionals.
"In the beginning, being a Parent Ally at the table came with stigma and biases, the same attached to parents entering the system. Many times after I introduced myself (to other professionals) as a reunified birth parent their response was to walk away.
So being recognized as a HOPE community partner who fosters relationships and collaborates to support families’ well-being and resiliency brings joy. To know that pain does become purpose."
The value I find in meeting with other HOPE community champions is strengthening the perspective and empathy for the parent’s experience."
For more information on Parents for Parents download the P4P 2023 brochure.
To refer or request information, contact Parents for Parents using the info below:
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