NOTE: This story , by community resilience advocate Shelley Friedman, is part of the Community Resilience Project's September enewsletter and is posted at the request of Liz Winer.
Dear Community Resilience Project Family,
Wow! It’s about five months into this life that I never dreamed possible in this country. I thought we were a country that was stronger, more intelligent, more organized, and more passionate about the health and well-being of its citizens. In my naivete, I thought we were immune from pandemics of this nature with the technology of the twenty-first century. I guess I had a belief that for the most part we were protected. Big Surprise at the onset of realizing the severity and the implications to life as we knew it. I was riddled with anxiety, grief, and anger. The denial and illogical decisions of the president sent me into an old familiar doom and gloom from childhood. The bodily sensations of not feeling protected returned once again.
For the first couple of weeks, I wasn’t as aware of the impact the pandemic had on me. It became more apparent that I was suffering, during a phone appointment with a new physician who wasn’t seeing patients at that time. As she took a history of both medical and emotional health, it all started to pour out and I realized just how unsafe and distrusting I felt. I worried about what was going to happen to the health of my family and the consequences for sick people on ventilators who couldn't breathe. What was going to happen to our economy? What was going to happen to the projects that I had been working passionately on with people I enjoyed and had meaningful connections with? The doctor sounded concerned about me. I realized from that conversation that my anxiety was high and trauma from the past had been triggered.
I intuitively started to make changes. Exercise is key for helping my mind and body stay calm. The gym was closed so my husband and I started walking three to four miles together almost every day. Connecting with my husband in this way helped me feel safe. We have also been cooking healthy plant-based meals to keep our immunity strong. It was at the onset of spring so while walking I became acutely aware of nature. I watched the peach orchard morph from no leaves to leaves and then beautiful pink buds and then the buds were gone and the peaches appeared. It became very pleasant to be together and experience the changes in nature. It gave us time to be creative and talk about how we can build and grow a vegetable garden in a raised bed on our patio. We tried things like okra that we never grew before.
Nature started to bring a sense of comfort and normalcy into my life.
Most importantly, I have done meditation daily and have started to visualize a world of healing, more kindness, more compassion, and leadership that includes the needs of all people. I affirm positive beliefs about myself and try to limit negative people and news.
I go to the Zoom Insight Meditation Community of Charlotte every Wednesday at 7:30 and listen to the talks that also help me to remember what it is that I am seeking...
Through meditation, I learn to let go of not having the answers. I see that fear is a part of me but not who I am. My thoughts and feelings are impermanent and they will pass. Calling people whom I think about gives me connections that I desire and feelings of love. Sincerely finding gratitude every day has benefited my state of mind and resilience. I enjoy listening to positive Youtube talks by people like Joe Dispenza, Oprah, and Brene' Brown. Reading books like True Refuge by Tara Brach and The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer gives me direction, hope, and relief.
After May 25th and the death of George Floyd, I made a personal commitment to learning about systemic racism. I have watched movies and documentaries. Most importantly I have connected with Black friends in my community and made it a point to hear their stories. They have touched me to the core. So for now I keep going deep within myself and staying connected. It’s the best place for me to find peace in the midst of terror.
Shelley Friedman,
A Community Resilience Advocate
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