The level of aggression I witnessed while living in an Ashram in India was shocking and often funny! With my residual ACES anger often bubbling beneath my skin, my daily mantra became, "No matter what anyone does to you; you CANNOT, WILL NOT fight in an Ashram!"
We don't realize that many spiritual communities are filled with ACES survivors from all over the world that have no other hope left for healing. These are courageous people who have sought help for their pain and anger and have found no resolution. It makes sense that they find a home; comfort, love and safety in the confines of an oasis of healing led by a realized spiritual entity and surrounded by the opportunity for seva (selfless service), spiritual teachings, prayer and meditation.
On December 6, I will present on the Civil Rights Movement and its Long Road of Reconciliation in front of the Nonviolence Leadership Committee at the Franciscan Renewal Center in Scottsdale, AZ. With this engagement quickly approaching, I am reminded of my time in India. Dr. Martin Luther King's philosophy of nonviolence which guided the Civil Rights movement, was grounded in Mahatma Gandhi's principle of Satygraha, the Force which is born of Truth and Love or Non-violence.
I took my then 7 year old son to live in the Ashram because I wanted him to understand spirituality from many different perspectives. I wanted him to live among different people, different cultures and develop an understanding of the world through non-American eyes. It wasn't easy for him being an African child living and going to school in India. Initially, there was a lot of bullying and hazing. He didn't like riding the school bus and often came home from school crying and asking me to transport him via rickshaw. When he went to school, I often cried too because I understood his pain. But, I also clearly understood the need to be resilient, develop character, and learn to settle disputes. Again, the rule for him too was, "you cannot fight in an Ashram!"
With no phones, computers and video games, the kids played in nature. Frequently, this meant that the boys were on some mound of dirt doing what boys do. One evening while the adults were listening to a religious talk, my son was off playing with his crew and there was a disagreement among the boys. Apparently, while on top of the mountain of dirt another boy began fighting my son. He was swinging away, landing some punches and missing others. Later, when my son recounted the story he told me, "mommy, I only kept myself from falling off the dirt, I wasn't aggressive." Now, I knew my no fight rule, but the thought of this had my anger bubbles activated! He continued with the story and told me how he knew he could really hurt the boy if he threw him off the mound. He realized that with his martial arts background he could have kicked and punched him off. I was proud when he said, "I was in control of the situation. I wasn't in danger. I didn't need to defend myself." Ultimately, he grabbed the boy and held him down until his anger settled. From that day forward, they were like brothers.
6 years later, after living another 2 years training at the Shaolin Temple and competing in Kung fu across China, we are back in Arizona, and there is a "n-word" calling problem at his school. There is one boy in particular that loves to use the word with my son. The first time it happened my son said, "I know you are friends with some black kids and you call each other n-word, but I don't use that word. It doesn't matter what color the person is, I don't want anyone calling me that." The boy responded by saying, "n-word, n-word, n-word." The following week, they were in the locker room during PE, and were being typical aggressive 13 year old boys. The same boy told my son to, "shut up, n-word!" and then pushed him. My son pushed him back, grabbed him by the collar and raised his fist. My child described that in that instant he was deeply disturbed by the fact that this boy had put him in a position to potentially change his future and had the power to force him into being someone he didn't want to be. He left go of his collar, put his fist down and walked away with tears in his eyes.
****Please enjoy the nonviolent 13-year-old's "I Have a Dream" speech attachment.****
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