Have you ever thought, “I should be happy and excited! I’m making a good change in my life – so why am I so stressed?”
You’re probably stressed because almost any change, whether it's positive or negative, whether you wanted it or it was a surprise, can create stress. In fact, since 1967, when psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe published findings from studying the medical records of over 5,000 medical patients, therapists have known that both unhappy and happy life transitions can even lead to emotional and physical distress. Highest on the Holmes and Rahe list of stressors are painful life changes, including the death of a spouse or close family member, divorce, marital separation, imprisonment, and personal injury or illness. But positive changes rank close behind. Marriage, marital reconciliation, pregnancy, childbirth, job change, retirement, and moving homes, all often positive experiences, also range high on the list of life stressors. Although some people embrace and even seek out change, most of us resist it, even when it’s about something we really want. Learning to manage transitions may be one of the most important lessons of your life.
According to the psychoanalyst Hans Loewald, it’s because change inevitably creates confusion. When things stay the same, we feel that we know what we can expect on a day to day basis. When something shifts, even our sense of who we are can go through some odd and potentially uncomfortable alterations. This is what therapists mean when they talk about an identity crisis. For instance, even though you want to be in a lasting relationship, you knew who you were when you were single. When you get married, something changes inside you, as well as in your status in the world. You may feel awkward and unsure of yourself, and even if you don’t say it out loud, you may silently be unsure of who you are now.
[For more on this story by F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W., go to https://www.psychologytoday.co...ough-any-life-change]
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