Adversity can be a powerful word especially when you are a Trauma Counsellor aware of ACEs. This revolutionary study on the impact of our Adverse Childhood Experiences has provided us with so many answers as to why we are the way we are. At least it did for me and the people I work with every day. It has also raised many important questions. One being, how can one build resilience through past adversities? How did I do it?
Having done the ACE test and getting a maximum score of 10 on it, I look back at my life and wonder how I ever made it to 50! But I did. Of course, I also did inherit the consequences of childhood trauma throughout my adult years. Behavioral issues, depression, suicide attempts and substance abuse were very much a part of my early adulthood. But here I am writing this blog having walked through and being healed from much of it. It is a journey of course, and healing comes in stages and resilience becomes a faithful companion.
After each Trauma Care training or teaching session, I share with the group the importance of knowing, that adversities are not the end of it all. I believe we have in us as trauma survivors the resilience to overcome adversities in a powerful way. And each success, however slow it may be to achieve, leads us one step forward towards greater healing & strength.
What is it that builds that resilience? Resilience is the ability we carry to get up again when life or a trigger knocks us down! So how do we gain that momentum to move forward another day when our mind sometimes reminds us of that comforting old pattern we can fall back on. After all, resilience is not something we are born with. So how then can we get access to it?
For me, resilience came from my faith. The knowledge and awareness that we are created for a purpose suddenly gave me hope. That brought out the fighter in me. Having some understanding of how a human brain works, I knew there were positive memories stored away somewhere. All I initially needed was one. Memories of my childhood that had glimpses of love, community and safety. I would walk through those memories that would bring a smile to my face and thus create new pathways for my brain to source when my next trauma trigger would appear. That became an important healing tool I tapped into. Being grateful that I still had positive memories from my childhood.
Gratitude is this amazing tool that I have held on to and practice using every single day. I start with one thing I am thankful for each day, and before I know it, I would have a long list for my brain to catalogue and store! For a trauma survivor, being able to laugh and feel true joy is a gift. I find that there are actually many opportunities for joy presenting itself to us every day. I am now intentional about being grateful and mindful to focus & be aware of it daily.
I have been a counsellor for more than 15 years now and have been focusing on trauma research, care & creating awareness about it, for over a decade. Over the years, I have met with people from various walks of life who have experienced unimaginable things happen to them. I always start by leading them to find that one thing that is a safe memory for them from their childhood. I then start with that at every session. Walls come down, faces almost always light up from within â and that memory always gives them a sense of hope and a glimpse of the resilience that is within them!
The women I now work with mostly come from sexual exploitation or trafficking. Resilience and strength are not something they are strangers to. But the resilience that comes from a place of gratitude is almost always the game changer to see the victim turn into a survivor!
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