To this day, I still think of my childhood home as "the crazy house." Like me, millions of adult Americans are living with the effects of the precarious childhoods they experienced as offspring of mentally ill parents. If you are one of them, you can no doubt relate to my book. As a child, you most likely lived in a crazy house of your own. As an adult, you’ve probably retained and may even relive memories of your tumultuous upbringing.
Crazy Was All I Ever Knew combines memoir with research. I’ve interspersed episodes of my life with research on the risks faced by children of mentally ill moms, the effects of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) in general, and the science of resilience.
In the memoir portions of my book, I divulge secrets and embarrassments long hidden due largely to the stigma of mental illness. I share the abuse I suffered as a child and the anxieties and self-doubt that still linger. For cohesiveness, I felt it was necessary to tell some of my siblings’ childhood experiences. To protect their privacy, I assumed a pseudonym, and I’ve changed their names along with the names of other family members.
I don’t remember exactly when all the craziness began in my home. It was just the way things were. By the age of 6 or 7, I knew something was “wrong” with my mother, but no one in my family talked about her erratic behavior. As I watched my friends and their mothers interact lovingly, I wondered what it would be like to have a nice mother.
What happened to me as a child and later as an adult mirrors research findings in many ways. The research in my book details the risks that children of mentally ill mothers face and the spectrum of potential outcomes. This research has been a vital part of my journey to put the pieces of my life together. It has helped me make sense of what happened to me. I trust it will do the same for other offspring of mentally ill parents.
The developing science of resilience carries a message of hope: resilience can be built at any age.
Researchers at the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University have found that having a single supportive relationship with a parent, caregiver, or other adult can make the difference in a child’s life. For me, my brother, Alec, six years older, was that supportive person. He saved my life twice.
For adults with unresolved trauma, research shows there are pathways to leading healthy, productive lives. For adults, the key is learning to forgive—yourself. As Dr. Philip R. Muskin of Columbia University Medical Center says, “You have to be able to say, ‘It’s not my fault.’”
Crazy Was All I Ever Knew: The Impact of Maternal Mental Illness on Kids is available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback versions. You can contact me at www.AliceKenny.com
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