Parenting during a Pandemic: Donna Jackson Nakazawa Shares

Donna Jackson Nakazawa was a featured guest in an online conversation about coping with COVID held on Twitter recently. It was hosted by KPJR Films.  

Donna was asked about "effective 'go-to' survival techniques" for parents and her Twitter thread response is comforting, centering, and compassionate.

Her words are consolidated and shared, with her permission, below:

 

"We are all facing a lot of uncertainty. The more you are able to modulate your anxiety, the better you can help to alleviate your child’s, too. But of course that’s harder than ever in this crisis. It's been very hard for me! My own history & medical trauma have made it hard! 

We know of course that the most powerful thing kids can see is their parents and caregivers “self-regulate” in safe, healthy, and productive ways, even in the face of sad, mad, anxious, hard feelings, and make progress in managing their anxiety in the face of adversity.

For many who have a history of adversity or trauma, the pandemic is bringing up a lot of old trauma. I’ve heard many people say the #pandemic is showing them that they still need to work through old, unresolved feelings, beliefs, and patterns from past adversities and traumas ou don’t have to be perfect. Sometimes just getting through the day is enough. You don’t have to be “on” all the time. It’s okay to give yourself freedom to feel what you feel. Validate your difficult emotions. Be curious how past adversities might be affecting you right now.

Validate your children’s emotions. Apologize if you lose your temper. If you lost it, and behaved in a way you regret, just admit it. Research tells us that when as parents we apologize if we lose our temper, it helps kids to move out of a fear brain state and feel safe. 

Right now it can be helpful to think “small” and simply realize that small moments add up to make a big difference. As parents we are used to planning “big” as in what school, what camp, meal planning, etc. 

But the literature tells us is it’s the small moments that matter most. Slow down, look around, find the good. Think of it this way: how can you feel delight together? Watching a bird in the yard? Staring at the full moon and watching it rise?

Anything that promotes your child feeling safe sound seen and known with you – a state of biosynchrony – will help your kids to flourish even with adversity. It can be so simple, like: “Let’s sit here and enjoy this beautiful sunset together.”

The point is to go op and consciously experience small moments of joy/well-being as often as you can during the day, and break the thought patterns of fear and anxiety that we can’t help but be caught in right now in the stress of a pandemic. For YOUR sake. For your families’. 

Survival techniques don’t have to be big to be powerful. The most important factor for flourishing with adversity is feeling you have a safe adult with whom you feel safe, seen, known, and to whom you can talk to about anything. Being THAT adult right now is more than enough."

Donna Jackson Nakazawa is a science journalist and the author of six books, including “The Angel and the Assassin: The Tiny Brain Cell That Changed the Course of Medicine,” which was published Jan. 21, 2020. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.