The Effects of Trauma from “Growing up Too Fast” [blogs.psychcentral.com]

One of the most common euphemisms and justifications for a certain type of childhood trauma is “growing up too fast.” It is a euphemism because it is used to minimize the pain that the person felt as a child when their needs weren’t being met by describing it in seemingly neutral or even positive language. It’s a justification because it is often used to argue that growing up faster and becoming “mature beyond your years” is indeed a good thing.

We will explore and address all of this here.

The Origins and the Mechanism

What is frequently called “growing up too fast” or “being mature beyond your years” is simply neglect and abuse. Many children grow up in an environment where they are neglected and abused in such ways that they become “little adults” who, not only can take care of themselves better or are wiser than others, but also take care of their parents, siblings, or other family members.

Its origins can be summarized in two main points.

Firstly, it happens because parents attribute unfair responsibility and unrealistic standards onto their children. Consequently, the child is expected, for example, to perform a task without anybody actually teaching them how to do it, and is punished if they fail. Or they are expected to be perfect, and if, naturally, they are imperfect, they then receive harsh negative consequences for it. This is not a one-time thing, but a persistent atmosphere the child has no choice but to live in.

And secondly, the child “grows up too fast” because of role-reversal. Role-reversal means that the caregiver assigns their role onto the child and therefore the child is seen as somebody who has to take care of the caregiver and possibly others. The adult, in contrast, takes on the role of the child. The child internalizes this role and it becomes their self-understanding. And so they start to act as a “mature, responsible adult” while the actual adult is taken care of as though they were the child.

The Consequences of Having to “Grow Up Too Fast”

[To read the rest of this article by Darius Cikanavicius, click here.]

[Photo from here.]