Tagged With "relationships"
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The Emptiness You Feel is Trying to Tell You Something
I read a short story last week that was about emptiness and love. That funny thing that happens sometimes, happened, and three different people wrote to me within about 24 hours about… emptiness and love. They were feeling -- and I think a lot of us are feeling it -- a harsh, empty, loveless feeling that keeps swooping into their consciousness during this quarantined period, sounding the alarm that something HUGE is missing from our lives. One woman even said “I know you’ll think I’m crazy...
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The human condition: we are all on a quest for safety
Here's a link to a summary of my notes on polyvagal theory from a training I attended with Dr Stephen Porges in Cork, Ireland in September 2019. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/340309690_The_human_condition_we_are_all_on_a_quest_for_safety?channel=doi&linkId=5e835d7a299bf130796d959c&showFulltext=true I also conducted a Law and Justice podcast with Dr Porges on "The Science of Safety", accessible here: ...
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Transforming Trauma Podcast: The Blind Spots of Privilege and Complex Trauma in Marginalized Communities
Transforming Trauma Podcast: The Blind Spots of Privilege and Complex Trauma in Marginalized Communities Claude Cayemitte, a clinical social worker and NARM Therapist, joins the Transforming Trauma podcast to examine how complex trauma impacts individuals from marginalized communities and how unrecognized cultural trauma can lead to misattunement in the therapeutic relationship. Using the NeuroAffective Relational Model as a foundation, and his own background as a Haitian-American male...
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Trauma, Attachment, and Relationships
Interventions in the Attachment and Relationship Problems Trauma Can Cause Julie De Wilde Alfred Adler Graduate School Abstract Much research has been done on the negative effects of trauma on attachment, which then has negative effects on relationships. Research more recently has focused on the positive post traumatic growth that can happen when clients receive safe, healthy attachment to a therapist they can trust. Research also includes the benefits to the client when a therapist includes...
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3 Ways Healthy Relationships Help Heal Trauma
Healthy relationships matter, especially when it comes to healing from trauma. Asking for help can be difficult for everyone. It can be especially difficult for those who have survived trauma. Through therapy, it’s possible to realize that you do truly deserve deep relationships as you grow and evolve through life—in the good times and the hard times.
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Are You Re-Traumatizing Yourself? 16 Things We Do That Can Set Us Back with Childhood PTSD
Part of the damage from abuse and neglect in childhood is what actually happened when we were kids. But a significant part of the problem today comes from what I call "Inside Traumas." These are self-defeating behaviors that are common to people who are frequently in a state of dysregulation. They start as an innocent attempt to feel calm and stable, but they can grow into significant traumas that cause real problems for us and others. If you'd like to learn about my online course, Healing...
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Childhood PTSD and Avoidance: Learning to Be OK in Groups (Resilience Series)
It’s super common for those of us who grew up with abuse and neglect when we were small, to feel as adults that we are on the outside somehow. When we're in groups we feel as if we are only partly in it, and never really included . Or we start as a full participant but pull away over time. We un-include ourselves. But it feel like other people are keeping us out. The telltale sign that being on the outside could be a personal choice, even when it doesn’t feel like it, is that we’re almost...
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CPTSD and Social Awkwardness: Another Source of Isolation
For those of us who grew up with abuse and neglect at home, it can be hard to know how to ACT in social situations. Here's an example.... Have you ever been to a hotel where there is a person who is there to carry your bags, and even though you didn’t ask, they carry your bags to the room and it’s totally awkward, and you think “I’m supposed to give them a tip, right? I’ve, like seen this on TV. But you don’t have cash, and they’re just standing there ," and you think, "What do I do? What do...
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CPTSD Confusion: How to Get Clarity in All Your Relationships (Resilience Series)
One of the the most common, painful adult manifestations of Childhood PTSD is difficulty perceiving reality accurately, especially around the meaning of interactions we have with other people. We have trouble sometimes predicting that a choice is risky, or that a person we meet is unreliable, or whether our own sense of discomfort is an appropriate response. This is the sixth article and video in my resilience series, focusing on eight obstacles to healing from childhood trauma, and the...
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Helping Someone with PTSD: Helping a Loved One While Taking Care of Yourself (www.helpguide.org/)
"PTSD can take a heavy toll on relationships. It can be hard to understand your loved one’s behavior—why they are less affectionate and more volatile. You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells or living with a stranger. You may have to take on a bigger share of household tasks, deal with the frustration of a loved one who won’t open up, or even deal with anger or disturbing behavior. The symptoms of PTSD can also lead to job loss, substance abuse, and other problems that affect the whole...
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How to Deal With Childhood Trauma and Build More Meaningful Adult Relationships [scmp.com]
By Luisa Tam, South China Morning Post, October 27, 2019 Unresolved childhood issues that often lie dormant for years can suddenly come flooding back. Not only can this be painful for the individual, but it can hurt our relationships with other people, especially romantic ones. They say a difficult childhood can have many lifelong negative effects, such as the inability to form meaningful and long-lasting relationships, build trust, or intimacy with another person. We all desire love and...
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Re: CPTSD Confusion: How to Get Clarity in All Your Relationships (Resilience Series)
Yep. When growing up the adults around you are all "hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil" or you just don't know your experience isn't healthy because it's the only one you know, that inability to gauge just what's going on and what it all means can dog one for life. Thanks for another insightful post, Anna.
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Re: Trauma, Attachment, and Relationships
Thanks for sharing this study here, Julie. It seems that one's attachment style can influence one's well-being enormously -- maybe as much as if not more than one's ACEs score. It's good news that therapists can play a part in helping those with anxious or avoidant attachment develop the type of relationship essential to improving their other relationships and recover from PTSD.
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Re: Helping Someone with PTSD: Helping a Loved One While Taking Care of Yourself (www.helpguide.org/)
Thank you for posting this! Thought you might like this article I wrote as well - https://brickelandassociates.c...vivor-relationships/
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Re: Helping Someone with PTSD: Helping a Loved One While Taking Care of Yourself (www.helpguide.org/)
Alfredo, this guide is so well done. It deserves to be shared widely. It seems that some of the tips, such as avoiding taking a blithe attitude toward someone's traumatic experience and stopping the person from talking about their feelings, could go far in preventing PTSD in the first place (in people who haven't already developed it, that is). Thanks for posting this here.
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Re: Helping Someone with PTSD: Helping a Loved One While Taking Care of Yourself (www.helpguide.org/)
The guide is EXCELLENT! Thank you to the creators and publishers and to Alfredo for sharing here. I am indebted.
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Re: Helping Someone with PTSD: Helping a Loved One While Taking Care of Yourself (www.helpguide.org/)
Thanks for sharing your article, Robyn. I always learn so much from your articles. And this information is helpful not only for the loved ones of trauma survivors, but, in my experience, also for the trauma survivors themselves. I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes I need a reminder that many of the difficulties I experience because of a history of trauma are deserving of some compassion and patience -- from myself.
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Re: 3 Ways Healthy Relationships Help Heal Trauma
Hi Robyn! This is a fabulous article! I'd love to interview you for an upcoming mini-course I'm creating.
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Re: 3 Ways Healthy Relationships Help Heal Trauma
Hi Stacy. I am glad you enjoyed my article. I'd love to hear more about you and what you are doing and looking for - why don't you email me at the office directly, robyn@robynbrickel.com and we can email further. Thank you for your interest.
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Re: 3 Ways Healthy Relationships Help Heal Trauma
This was a great read an appreciate the resources.
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Re: CPTSD and Social Awkwardness: Another Source of Isolation
Great post. The thing I like about your blog posts/videos, Anna, is that they often address those otherwise "sidelined" effects of childhood trauma -- the ones that don't often make the clinical "symptoms of childhood trauma" lists. They're also the ones that those of us who've experienced childhood trauma suspect, in our perhaps not-always accurate (because they've been thrown off-kilter by the trauma) guts and hearts that this everyday problem that we can't quite put our finger on is yet...
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Re: Childhood PTSD and Avoidance: Learning to Be OK in Groups (Resilience Series)
Bingo, again. It can take a lot out of a person to put themselves "out there", especially when, as you say, "we’re just working so hard to just deal." For introverts, the uphill battle is on an even steeper incline. But of course the irony here is that pushing ourselves to do what for so many reasons we resist is one of the very things that will help us become whole. Thank you, Anna, for sharing your blog posts and videos here.
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Re: Are You Re-Traumatizing Yourself? 16 Things We Do That Can Set Us Back with Childhood PTSD
While I agree that these behaviors can be re-traumatizing and are characteristic of dysregulation, in my mind they are all simply symptoms of unaddressed, untreated/undertreated trauma. They're the "cries for help" that tell the person experiencing them (and maybe the people around them) that there's something not quite right. But even after effective treatment of childhood trauma, they can still crop up because those old habits we developed to survive all those years ago die very hard.
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Sebastopol Peace Bag concept has spread to Southern California
Local Sebastopol non-profit Peacetown is spreading joy and community engagement through the Family Village's project called Peace Bags. Every week for 13 weeks a different local organization "sponsors" a week by providing printed resources and an activity that supports community connection, family engagement, and some fun. The bags are distributed for FREE in collaboration with a local toy store. I happen to come across a conversation on one of the posts I made regarding Peace Bags. The post...
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For Survivors of Childhood Trauma: How To Find REAL LOVE
For people who were abused and neglected in childhood, one of the cruelest ways the damage shows up is in romantic relationships. Too many of us go through life either alone, or in relationships where we’re not loved, not safe, and not happy. It doesn’t have to be that way. If you have Childhood PTSD and you’re wondering why you keep attracting people who are either dysfunctional, unavailable or abusive -- you’re going to want to read this... READ FULL BLOG POST or.. WATCH THE VIDEO ON...
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The Role Social Relationships Play In Transforming Stress:
"Nothing about these experiences of adversity and trauma is inevitable in terms of the development of the child."-Dr. Gerry Giesbrecht The adverse childhood experiences study has taught us that 2/3 individuals has experienced some form of childhood adversity between the age of 0-17 years, and that this adversity can have long term negative effects on the individual. But how might this adversity impact a mom and her baby? According to my latest conversation with Dr. Giesbrecht, approximately...
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How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships After Trauma
How are you coping with so much time at home? Whether you call it lockdown, sheltering in place, or quarantine, just about everyone’s work-life balance has been disrupted. We need to nurture ourselves even more than usual these days. We are all in need of more self-care, gentleness and especially healthy boundaries in relationships! Your schedule and your life are probably quite different now than they were before COVID. Many are feeling disruptions like work reconfiguration and job loss,...
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Re: How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships After Trauma
HI Hannah- good to hear from you and good question. Yes, we definitely want you to share your blogs that are relevant to this community (be sure you are a member of the community and are signed into your account so you can post. We are a social network so we WANT folks to post relevant articles, resources, tools to share with others in the community. AND we hope that folks can add reactions, comments questions to the blog posts. Here in the Practicing Resilience for Self Care and Healing...
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Re: How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships After Trauma
Thanks ACEsConnection I will look at the directions and post. All the best, Hannah On Sun, Jan 10, 2021 at 11:31 PM ACEsConnection < communitymanager@acesconnection.com> wrote:
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Re: How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships After Trauma
I have a question. As a member of ACEs can I post my blogs on Aces connections? I will of course put on the ones that have a meaning for the community. I write a blog every week, and post it on my website. From time to time it is a blog that I feel is useful for the community. How do I go about it? I am an Art Therapist specialized in Trauma and bereavement, and supervise other therapists. I Am looking forward to your reply. Wishing you all a healthy and peaceful 2021 Hannah Sherebrin On...
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"How to talk policy and influence people": a Law and Justice interview with Dr Stephen Porges
In this "How to talk policy and influence people" interview with Dr Stephen Porges, the developer of polyvagal theory, we discuss the vagus nerve, the evolutionary development of the mammalian autonomic nervous system and the human social engagement system. We discuss the importance of a felt sense of safety in the presence of other people, which starts with our experiences with our primary care-giver in infancy. We talk about common symptoms due to our bodies being in a chronic state of...
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Relationships = Renewable Resources
Sign up for 3x3 inches to your inbox every Tuesday. Consider joining our Community of Practice for adults who are important to children. Keep it social! ♡ Jodi
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A Solution to the Desperate Need to Belong
As humans, we have a basic, primal need to belong. Belonging is defined as ‘the feeling of security and support when there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity for a member of a certain group . It is when an individual can bring their authentic self to others, including friendships, family and work.’ Feeling disconnected, unimportant, or not cared about can translate into feelings of loneliness. This has led to much of the suffering our society is experiencing today. Cigna...
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Self Care and Resilience
Self-Care and Its Importance for Relationship Intense Fields Self-care is incredibly important for new members in the counseling field, and overall for any field that is relationship intense. A relationship intense field is any field that requires the practitioner to form a strong relationship or bond with their client in order to complete their job. Examples of these positions are; nurses, counselors, teachers, healthcare providers, or social workers. Self-care is a part of creating a...
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The Importance of Supportive Relationships with Fighting Back Santa Maria
For the final week of Child Abuse Prevention Month, our stress-busting strategy is Supportive Relationships. Supportive relationships make a significant impact on our social, emotional and physical well-being. Renowned psychiatrist and trauma expert, Dr. Bruce Perry writes, “The more healthy relationships a child has, the more likely he will be to recover from trauma and thrive. Relationships are the agents of change and the most powerful therapy is human love.” We will be highlighting the...
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Strategies to Support Healthy Relationships for American Indian and Alaska Native Fathers [www.acf.hhs.gov]
Fathers, children, and families alike benefit from fathers having healthy coparenting and romantic relationships. Child Trends’ new brief for the Office of Planning, Research and Evaluation provides fatherhood programs with strategies, policy suggestions, and additional considerations for working with American Indian and Alaska Native (AIAN) fathers. The brief’s authors outline strategies within three distinct areas of program development and implementation that fatherhood programs can use...
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Turning What We Know Into What We Do
In this day of tumultuous breaking news, Lise Van Susteren knows how to calm us down – by helping us identify and unpack our reactor types and foster better relationships by showing us how to better understand each other.
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Happy Relationships through Honest Sharing
A wonderful guide has been published recently which explains on how to establish contacts which really nourishes the deep need for connection. https://honest-sharing-local-groups-gopal.org/Happy-Relationships-through-Honest-Sharing-Guide.pdf This guide brings the Polyvagal Theory and the results of the ACEs study into real practice. You can also check out the following blog to get a connection to people allover the world practicing Honest Sharing already:...
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Relationship Commitments Guide for Self-Reflection, Development, and Practice
I'm excited to share a project I recently completed! You can visit https://www.risetoresilience.org/resources to access the guide, Relationship Commitments template with example, and a supporting tool to explore your past, present, and desired future beliefs. Categories on the template include topics such as dealbreakers, core values, relationship values, love languages (giving and receiving), priorities, personal agreements, and more. Who is this for? Anyone, really! Whether you practice...
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For Better Relationships and Self-Esteem, Replace Common Mr. Nice Guy Thought Patterns
The Mr. Nice Guy syndrome's dysfunctional thought patterns are common in survivors of adverse childhood experiences. Uprooting these patterns can improve self-esteem and relationships.