Tagged With "PsychCentral"

One of the most common euphemisms and justifications for a certain type of childhood trauma is “growing up too fast.” It is a euphemism because it is used to minimize the pain that the person felt as a child when their needs weren’t being met by describing it in seemingly neutral or even positive language. It’s a justification because it is often used to argue that growing up faster and becoming “mature beyond your years” is indeed a good thing. We will explore and address all of this here.

I’m a great believer in fresh starts, especially if you’re a work-in-progress and healing from childhood wounds and you’re feeling stuck, as everyone does now and again. To that end, I look to the start of a new month as a blank page, the start of a new season which always has a different kind of energy, and, of course, the biggest start-your-engines of them all, the New Year. But I’m not talking traditional resolutions here (because they don’t work, for one thing); instead, let’s focus on...

Janet reflected on the events of the past several days and instead of being embarrassed by her behavior, she was proud. She had purchased a new computer from a large retailer based on the specs and appearance. But when she began to use it, she discovered the store had done a bait and switch. They told her one thing about the product and sold her something completely different. After doing several rounds with their customer service and management department, she was told that the computer she...

“Someone who has experienced trauma also has gifts to offer all of us- in their depth, in their knowledge of our universal vulnerability, and their experience of the power of compassion.”- Sharon Salzberg What a week. You’d have to be living under a rock if you haven’t at all tuned in to the tumultuous news cycle in the US. Those that are survivors of trauma (specifically sexual assault and other forms of abuse) are incredibly triggered, and those that provide psychotherapy for trauma...

Self-harm is a commonly misunderstood psychological phenomenon. Some people believe that those who harm themselves are simply stupid because why else a person would do that. Others think that self-harm is only attention-seeking behavior. Some even call it selfish. What is self-harm? Before digging deeper, let’s first define what constitutes self-harm. Self-harmful behavior is a behavioral pattern that results in harm to yourself. A very simple example of that is cutting. Another, more common...

Hardly anyone would claim to be a stranger to holiday stress. From money woes to holiday travel, traditions, and family tension, at some point everyone has struggled to make it to January. But the holidays can be a particularly tough time of year for anyone with a family history of abuse, whether it’s emotional or physical. The idea that one shouldn’t be alone during the holiday season is drilled into our heads and we want familiar people near, even if those people can be toxic to us.

Hardly anyone would claim to be a stranger to holiday stress. From money woes to holiday travel, traditions, and family tension, at some point everyone has struggled to make it to January. But the holidays can be a particularly tough time of year for anyone with a family history of abuse, whether it’s emotional or physical. The idea that one shouldn’t be alone during the holiday season is drilled into our heads and we want familiar people near, even if those people can be toxic to us.

I recently had the opportunity to chat with Sharyn of Homespun Dreams about how she uses craft as therapy. She lives with both anxiety and chronic pain. She enjoys crochet, knitting, sewing, tatting, and other crafts, sometimes mixing them together in one project. She also happens to have a nursing degree so she understands the benefits of crafting from both a personal and professional perspective. It was through her that I learned about the idea of crafting as cross-body therapy. What is...

Laura's note: As the first paragraph of the following blog post excerpt implies, a lot of adults need someone to tell them their "normal" isn't "normal" too. If it's all you've ever known and you're surrounded by friends and family who've had similarly unhealthy early experiences, how would you know otherwise? It took me a quarter of a century (literally) to realize that I experienced trauma throughout certain points in my childhood. It took me another year to realize that my behaviors were...

By Bella DePaulo, PsychCentral, February 5, 2020 It is not just at the beginning of a new year that people promise themselves to do better. I rarely make New Year’s resolutions. But there are always times during the year when I think about something I just said or did, or didn’t do, and say to myself, “Self, you have got to do better.” But how? My natural inclination is to berate myself. I’ll give you a trivial example. Sometimes I carelessly do something that costs me money. At the...

Laura's Note: Though the author is addressing toxic mother-daughter relationships, much of what she writes here can apply more broadly to other types of relationships and traumas. If I had a twenty-dollar bill for every time someone tells me that my mother “must have done something right” because I “turned out fine,” I could probably retire tomorrow in luxury. This came up during an interview recently, as if where I went to college and graduate school and have accomplished in my professional...

Great Article! Appreciate the words about "letting go" being hard work.

Glad you enjoyed the article, Heidi. Yes, anyone who acknowledges how hard letting go is, and that it's a complicated process rather than a single action, certainly has my attention!

I agree. We grow up thinking everyone feels like us... only they don't... and we can't understand why we are different. Thanks for this article!

Laura - you are so right! A few years ago while working in public health, several school nurses reached out to me to find information regarding the self-harming behaviors which were increasing significantly among their Middle School students. They wanted to know if other schools were having similar concerns - and they were. Using a trauma-informed lens changed the way the school nurses responded to the students. While they still felt under-resourced, they were reassured to know that research...

It's great news for young people today that school nurses are getting educated about what's behind self-injury among youth and that there's research on it to boot. It's hopeful for all of us.

This is great. Thanks for sharing, Laura. I love how the article lists specific behaviors/responses for therapy clients to gauge how they're healing and growing. I'll share this with my clients and on my private Facebook page for sexual abuse survivors. Thanks again.

I like it because for those who may be skeptical about how childhood trauma has impacted them (downplaying one's experiences is so common among ACEs survivors) or how therapy might improve their entire lives, this demonstrates (accurately, I might add), how childhood trauma and/or PTSD affects one's daily, mundane experiences, around the clock -- not only the big, overarching stuff like relationships and careers, but also simply going to the grocery store or navigating rush-hour traffic. It...

"When you look at your life and feel at peace because of changes you've made, that's recovery." I saw this on facebook a few months ago and felt so warm knowing that those feelings of inner peace and contentment are brilliant signs of my recovery. They're not there all the time, but am so grateful for having lived long enough to live with the benefits of this new explosion of trauma recovery knowledge. Thanks for the lovely post.

One of the simplest and easiest cross-body exercises is crawling . It is the best mind-body exercise. It requires just a minute, 3 to 4 times a day but it really keeps me fit and has helped me heal my back.

Cheryl, I read your blog post about crawling, and it was so intriguing. I've tried it a few times and have been trying to get into the habit of doing it on a regular basis. It's such a novel way to move around, and if it helps with back trouble, I'm in! --Laura

Beautifully said and so comfortingly necessary for so many. Thank you.