Tagged With "Avoidance"

Part of the damage from abuse and neglect in childhood is what actually happened when we were kids. But a significant part of the problem today comes from what I call "Inside Traumas." These are self-defeating behaviors that are common to people who are frequently in a state of dysregulation. They start as an innocent attempt to feel calm and stable, but they can grow into significant traumas that cause real problems for us and others. If you'd like to learn about my online course, Healing...

It’s super common for those of us who grew up with abuse and neglect when we were small, to feel as adults that we are on the outside somehow. When we're in groups we feel as if we are only partly in it, and never really included . Or we start as a full participant but pull away over time. We un-include ourselves. But it feel like other people are keeping us out. The telltale sign that being on the outside could be a personal choice, even when it doesn’t feel like it, is that we’re almost...

Bingo, again. It can take a lot out of a person to put themselves "out there", especially when, as you say, "we’re just working so hard to just deal." For introverts, the uphill battle is on an even steeper incline. But of course the irony here is that pushing ourselves to do what for so many reasons we resist is one of the very things that will help us become whole. Thank you, Anna, for sharing your blog posts and videos here.

While I agree that these behaviors can be re-traumatizing and are characteristic of dysregulation, in my mind they are all simply symptoms of unaddressed, untreated/undertreated trauma. They're the "cries for help" that tell the person experiencing them (and maybe the people around them) that there's something not quite right. But even after effective treatment of childhood trauma, they can still crop up because those old habits we developed to survive all those years ago die very hard.