Since we are all caught in the unpredictable, uncontrollable environment of Covid 19 right now, we are all experiencing trauma at one level or another. Some are experiencing much more fear, grief, anxiety, helplessness and overwhelming sense of vulnerability and loss of control. Others are just experiencing the creation of a work space at home, meeting co-workers virtually, and remaining at home as much as possible from obligation more than fear. Regardless of what level of stress you are undergoing, the unpredictability of the next few weeks is looming.
We know from trauma experts that the main strategy to help create more calm in our lives is to control how we respond. Bessel van der Kolk explains that we need to “organize our interior lives because our exterior structure has disappeared.”* We should create structure and routine in our daily lives that includes physical movement, routine time for meals, breaks, and work, and good connection with other people in our lives, even if it is virtually. When the sense of helplessness is prominent, we lose sense of time, so we need to structure our time to create predictability and control.
We must also come to terms with the emotional pull occurring within us. The fear of illness of ourselves and others, the anxiety produced from economic changes as we watch so many lose income and businesses closing, and the loss of our ability to carry on in our day to day life as before creates heavy, grave emotions. This gravity cannot be ignored or wished away. We also know from trauma experts that if we hide from negative feelings (fear, anxiety, anger) we will also subdue our ability to feel the positive emotions that bring us energy, calm and joy. We do have to acknowledge, accept and feel the gravity of what is going on around us and within us. Sometimes we need to just sit for a moment and stay with that emotion; recognize what is happening to our thoughts, our body, our behaviors. However, this gravity pulls us down with a force; we also know if we sit and focus on these negative emotions and energy for long periods of time, the ability to break free of the gravity will become more difficult. Our self-awareness must be continuous.
There is another phenomenon occurring around the world associated with the virus. Most news stations are trying to include amazing stories of human compassion, communities working together to uplift each other, and people putting other’s health and well-being in front of their own. There are even some “Good News Only” broadcasts popping up on the internet to highlight stories. The grace of the human race is awakening all over the world.
When we hear stories of communities, businesses and individuals all pulling together to improve our circumstances, we feel better; we begin to recognize that compassion and goodness for each other and our world can be a positive outcome from this tragic event. That grace that we see across our world can help us feel love, benevolence, and well-being. These stories, as wonderful as they are, will not be our sole view of the world. We cannot isolate our knowledge to only include the feel-good stories; to do so would be to ignore the emotions tied to the reality that instigated the compassion.
This is where we must find the balance between gravity and grace. Each person needs to find their own balance between the unpredictable, uncontrollable environment coronavirus has created and the forth coming compassion and human spirit rising up to meet these challenges. Some moments we should feel and acknowledge the gravity; other times we should allow ourselves to feel the joy of humanity at its best. We acknowledge that we may even have a sense of guilt because we intermittently focus on the silver lining surrounding the hovering, dark cloud corona virus created. These opposing forces pull our emotions, and we find ourselves tipping between the gravity and the grace. To help find your balance, filter the media or who you talk with and notice your self-talk and behaviors.
As we validate this push and pull within ourselves, we need to acknowledge that we are all different. Some will want more gravity to justify the many changes occurring in our society, while others will need more stories of grace to feel the safety the world still holds. Increase your self-awareness; know where your emotions lie in your thoughts and body. Be patient with others as we all find our individual balance. Allow the gravity to ground you in the reality of our situation, however, allow the grace to give hope in life and love and resilience.
*excerpt from When the Covid-19 Pandemic Leave Clients Feeling Helpless
Written by:
Cheryl Step, MS, LPC, NCC
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