Addressing ACEs in Adults is Key (https://twitter.com/ACEs_Canada)
In response to the post about the effects of ACES in adults cited above, Treva Massey from Tennessee wrote the response below that tells of the suffering caused by ACEs in later life—and the resilience that gives hope and purpose to life. I wrote to ask her permission to repost her response on our site, and she graciously permitted me to do so. I think that her post will be of great interest to those who follow the VBRP site and are working to promote resilience in our community. – Dave Cote
Treva Massey Member
11/4/1912:14 PM
Yes sir, it is fine if you would like to repost this. It is ok if anyone would want to repost to any forum. Any way that my experiences can help by all means share. If there are any questions to any of my experiences I would love to help. I do want to add that in no way am I saying I do not have issues still but continuing in the search to always finding better ways to help myself and others. Thank you for your time and response. Have a great day.
Sincerely,
Treva Massey
Treva Massey 10/29/193:10 PM
To be able to respond to these conversations as a lay person without education of any college degrees gives me a since of telling parts of my brother's and my story. There is a big gap in adult ACEs and the work of helping children now. I have yet for an abused Mom or domestic abuse victims to understand that their choices they make also traumatize their children. I was raped at the age between 5-6 years old by 3 preteen boys (never told), we had extreme discipline abuse from the age of 3 years up to 15 years old by our mother, physically, emotionally spiritually and mentally abused from 7-15 years old by our step father, I was molested by neighborhood friend from 7-15 years old and our mother was shot and killed in front of us both at the age of brother 11yrs and me at 15 yrs. Two weeks after the funeral of which we also planned we were separated to go to our individual fathers.
This had consequences of him remaining in the same environment and me going to a better one. This is something I tried my best to change but as a child I couldn't and because I was naive to the routes I could have taken nothing was any better for my brother. Today I feel the guilt of being helpless. Ashamed of the life I was able to have, even though I had a stepmother that was extremely jealous of my dad's love for his daughter. She called me names. I was shunned in school because I was mean and distant. I still did not go through the abuse that my brother continued in. Today he is 50 years old and is facing armed robbery charges of which I believe he did for the love of a woman along with threatening suicide with a stolen gun he had purchased.
My life was different. I shut myself off from feeling the pain of my past. I worked hard at any job I did. I finished school with a B+. I met a guy my freshman year, we dated for 3 1/2 years and married. We've now been married for 33 1/2 years. I have 2 children by birth and one adopted out of love. All are married and they have 8 children between them. One would think I have the most wonderful life, and I do. With that being said in the beginning of May my brother in law who has an addiction of opioids and I've worked hard to get help, had started texting me viciously because I let his brother, my husband, know he was driving on a suspended license and drinking and driving with his very young girls with him. The following week he broke into my house while we were out of state and left his broken credit card in our home. Before I had found out that it was his I gave it to detectives and asked them to file charges on whomever it belonged to. So when it came back he was charged. Not only did my husband discount the severity of breaking into my home so did his family of which I had become very very close to. They are a Christian family and it turned extremely ugly with the insinuations. My children also have be wronged by their uncle to the point that they do not trust to be at their grandparents if he is there of which he lives. So this eventful situation has ruffled the feelings of such emotion in my world. I feel I cannot trust anyone.
I have shut out the main people in my life except immediate family, children and grandchildren. I go to work and church only. I have a feeling of such loneliness. I can't explain my feelings so anyone can understand. I'm an emotional mess. These feelings did not come when I was young. They didn't play into my raising of my children except to make sure they were treated with love and understanding. They were spoiled but were taught consequences. They were never abused or belittled by me at any time of them growing up. So contrary to Michael Harrell, I do believe that I was the exception to the rule regarding children. But it is affecting my relationships now.
So in that sense he and you are correct. Pain is the culprit that prevents the brain from moving forward. This part is the one that needs work. As a parent and someone that wants to help others be resilient to the abuse. I work hard to study what others are saying and any information that can help others as well as myself. At the moment I am also working on trying to help my brother's mental health. He may go to prison but to find one that will help him mentally is definitely a challenge. So thank you from a parent who struggles with CPTSD, ADHD and several health issues. This is not anything that defines who I am or stopping me from much. I AM RESILIENT! And will continuously keep telling myself that until I conquer what holds me back. Thank you for the time you each take to give us the info we need to help.
#resilence
#trauma survivor
Sincerely,
Treva Massey
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