Before you read this, please know it is an account of my newborn adversity. Some may say I am “trauma dumping” to set up my own hero story. However, this is not my hero story. This story is about the heroes who made my story. In one week it will be the day I entered the world, the day I was born. There is no true record of that day, except me. When I was born there were no pictures taken, no cigars handed out, no family waiting for the news. My birth mother was only 17 years old and decided...

Self-care is the stuff you should do to ensure you're healthy, happy, and strong. But for me, it became for me a chore. It was one more thing on the endless list of "to do's" I had to get done before falling exhausted into bed for a fitful night's sleep. As a caregiver, my responsibilities kept me busy every available moment. The only alone time I found was in the bathroom, door locked until someone needed me and realized that's where I went (usually within 5 minutes). Professionally I...

When I was in second grade I loved one of my classmates, Sammy. He loved me too. One day he brought me the most beautiful brooch. it was a parrot. It was glorious. It had rhinestones and other glass gems. It was the fanciest thing I had ever had. I still have it today. I pull it out every once in awhile and wonder where Sammy is today. I’ve tried looking for him on social media to no avail. I moved to a different town after my second grade year and never saw him again. I’ve had the luxury,...

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I have been given the greatest gift a mother could ask, my daughter- back. Last year a month before Mother’s Day I began a heart wrenching journey. My oldest daughter was in a serious car accident. She suffered a traumatic brain injury, broken neck, broken back, broken foot, but she was alive. She was a single mom. I became the guardian of my toddler grandson. I wasn’t prepared to become a mother in that way again. I was prepared to be a doting, spoiling...

Our mission at Grandfamily Today always centers around connection and ending isolation for Grandfamilies. Join me free for 5 weeks of Self-Care Empowerment. You can set your own schedule to connect-share-feel empowered! This is interactive! Join us! We will be using email and Marco Polo. If you’ve never used Marco Polo, don’t worry it’s easy and free! It was designed by a married couple to stay in touch with family around the globe. It is video based, but short videos and our group will be...

Join me LIVE Tuesday, March 24, Noon (New York Time). No need to register. I will be Live on Grandfamily Today Facebook page. Let’s start a movement of Community Centered Gratitude and promote healing during this difficult time.

Join me live on Facebook @GrandfamilyToday Thursday, March 5, 2020, 9 pm EST for my birthday give back: Developing Self-Care Sense

Tonight I send my love out to you. You the Grandma who sleeps with a baby monitor on her nightstand to hear each breath, possible cough or cry of the grandchild she’s raising. To you the Grandpa who gives up a romantic dinner with grandma to attend the “Daddy” Daughter dance with his granddaughter. To you the Pre-School, Pre-K, Headstart, Great Start Readiness Program Teacher who manages 16 children with unconditional love for each one, even the boy who closes his eyes, shakes his fists and...

It is 2:46 am. Yes, I’m awake. Our four-year-old grandson just called out for me. He woke up and needed to use the bathroom. A dark, quiet house in the middle of the night can feel scary to a four-year-old. He called. I came to help. Once safely tucked back into bed he looked up at me and asked, “Grandmom, will you hold my hand?” Of course I extended my open hand, he clutched it, rolled over, and fell back to sleep. Paul and I have been quiet these first weeks of 2020 on Grandfamily Today...

20 Caregiver Resolutions for 2020 Let someone make you a meal at least once a week and that someone can be anyone (including a fast-food chain restaurant Keep a daily Gratitude Journal and start each day with, “ I am grateful that the World has me” Don’t fold any fitted sheets for the entire year, just roll them into a ball Once a month go to a playground with a friend, a neighbor, sibling, spouse, co-worker and ask them to push you on the swing Stay in the shower or tub 5 minutes longer...

Children deserve to believe in a tomorrow. Children deserve to believe in love. Children deserve to believe in magic. Children deserve to believe in dreams. Children deserve to believe in joy. These are their human rights and our responsibility.

Children don’t come to live with their grandparents or relatives because everything is going great. The transition can be tough for the new family. As a grand“Parent” guardian of my grandson, I’ve written previously about the sad stuff, the tough stuff, and there’s a lot of it. It’s easy to get sucked into the negative, rehashing the entire past, the guilt, the anger, and projecting into an ugly future. Today is the last day of National Adoption Month. It is a month I celebrate, not as a...

Goblins and ghosts don’t scare me. What scares me is what scares many grandparents across the U.S., a grandchild at risk. Recently I was talking with a friend about my situation as guardian of my grandson, and she confided in me. She told me she’s scared every time her grandson goes back home with his mom. My friend “helps out” when her daughter finds herself in a tough spot. My friend worries there’s enough for her grandson to eat when he’s home with his mom. She worries he’s safe from the...

I’ve been preaching self-care since the early 1990’s when I worked in residence life at a local college. I watched student resident assistants working for free room and board in the dorm give all their to care for their fellow students. I knew if they ignored their own needs it wouldn’t be long before they would knock on my office door asking to leave. So their self-care was in my best interest and theirs. Now you can find apps, Websites, life coaches, books, and youtube channels dedicated...

Sitting in Lansing, Michigan in the capitol building last Wednesday (9/18/19) I wiped the tears from eyes as I listened. Let me back up a bit. I didn’t plan to become the full-time guardian for my three-year-old grandson, I don’t expect any praise, compensation, or reward. However, when someone notices and recognizes the effort Paul and I have made, the empty nest plans we’ve shelved, the commitment we’ve made it’s like when I ran cross country in high school and heard the unexpected cheer...

Calling all Grandparents raising their grandchildren or "Kinship" caregivers... I have become the full-time guardian of my grandson. In this new role, I have found there is much lacking in regards to support for "Grand Families" and other Kinship caregivers. Often we grandparents and kinship caregivers assume our roles outside of foster care, which presents many challenges. Additionally, for grandparents, the role of returning to parenting a child can be socially isolating, financially...

ACES on campus: https://www.insidehighered.com/news

Millennials are the largest living generation by population size (79.8 million in 2016), but they trail Baby Boomers and Generation Xers when it comes to the number of households they head. Many Millennials still live under their parents’ roof or are in a college dorm or some other shared living situation. As of 2016, Millennials (ages 18 to 35 in 2016) headed only 28 million households, many fewer than were headed by Generation X (ages 36 to 51 in 2016) or Baby Boomers (ages 52 to 70). Even...

Self-care is not easy. Self-care during a crisis can be impossible. I am the "rock" in my family. Which means I am the one who ensures toilet paper is well stocked, healthy foods are stocked (especially before big tests), everyone gets transported safely where they need to go, and I am the one who consciously works to empower and support. I often picture myself as a giant pitcher of water, filling everyone's cup, even before they are thirsty. However, eventually my pitcher empties, and it is...

When I worked in juvenile probation there were times youth were labeled with the diagnosis BAD. They were just bad kids. There are even maximum security juvenile detention centers for kids with the BAD diagnosis. Kids who seem to have been born evil. As a criminal justice academician, I have read details of some of the most hideous crimes ever committed. I have a PhD in criminal justice. Currently I teach criminal justice to undergraduate students eager to begin their careers in...

This article highlights some innovative practice originating from my undergraduate Alma Mater: Iowa State University. AMES, Iowa – Most states mandate that domestic violence offenders complete some type of batterer intervention program, but the success rates are often quite low. That is why the results of a new method developed by an Iowa State University professor are so promising. Amie Zarling, a clinical psychologist and an assistant professor of human development and family studies at...

In one of New York City’s large family homeless shelters, we saw a gaunt, young mother holding her 4-day-old baby who lay limp in her arms. With sunken eyes, the mother watched a YouTube video about mixing formula, while her own mother tried to coach her on the telephone. The young mother told us she had eaten only a single McDonald’s hamburger in the past three days. For more: http://www.nydailynews.com/opinion/give-homeless-kids-chance-better-services-shelters-article-1.3298301 We can't...

I am adopted. I am grateful everyday my parents adopted me without knowing anything about me. Today I received a "booklet" which features stories and photographs of children waiting to be adopted. Some of the things written are " Imagine your Thanksgiving meal- the love of a family, the joyful sharing of stories, the clinking of dishes as a mountain of mashed potatoes and turkey are piled high on plates. Did it make you smile? Then (insert child's name) is a perfect fit for y our home. She...

Knowing is not enough. Just being informed about trauma, the neurobiology of trauma, epigenetics is not enough. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) asserts an organization is more than just informed once the program or organization: " Recognizes the signs and symptoms of trauma in clients, families, staff, and others involved with the system; Responds by fully integrating knowledge about trauma into policies, procedures, and practices; and Seeks to actively...

Good Harbor Institute staff spent the day with Shawnee County, Kansas, Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) volunteers training them on how to transform trauma information into skills to be used immediately with their children. The volunteers and staff learned about the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, learned how trauma brain may manifest as destructive behaviors, and then they learned what they can do to not "trigger" trauma brain reactivity. Through role play and small group...

This short film is recipe for building resilience. Every human deserves joy. http://tashiandthemonk.com/ Here's the trailer:

Sitting across a Baker's Square table from my birth-brother, sipping coffee and eating pie grateful slowly turned to guilt. I first met my birth brother, 5 years younger than me, 20 years ago. We met when the State agreed to open my closed adoption record to help me learn more about my medical history. I met him, my birth sister, and birth mom at a restaurant outside of Chicago- a middle point for us to meet as we lived in different states. When I walked into the restaurant I almost ran into...

Good Harbor Institute-Where Human Potential and Resilience are Built TRAVERSE CITY, Mich. – Frustrated with the unintended consequences of care that wasn't trauma informed in the justice system Dr. Cathy Fialon researched how organizations could implement trauma care for sustained change. In her research she came to know author and community advocate, Shenandoah Chefalo. Shenandoah spent nearly 20 years as a Law Office Administrator and became unsettled by the ever-revolving door of the...

Growing up in Iowa, once a summer my dad would pack a tent, sleeping bags, and load up our camper which sat securely on the bed of my dad's pick- up truck. My mom would pack hot dogs to roast, and of course s'mores. We would then head off to a local campground on the shores of Saylorville Lake for an overnight adventure. We laughed as we burned marshmallows, and sometimes my mom even brought her guitar to play for us. This is all, thankfully, I knew of camping until I became an adult living...

When I worked in juvenile justice I would often hear the rational for sending a youth to detention was to "teach a lesson" or "give the youth pause". Yes, detention is a service that is sometimes needed to protect a youth and protect the greater community from harm, however; it should not be leveraged to "teach a lesson" or "give pause". Consider how well using detention to teach a lesson works for a youth who has experienced ACEs and/or is in foster care. Detention teaches a lesson through-...

As a student, you’re probably pretty familiar with stress. You might also have wondered why some of your peers on campus seem to handle their challenges relatively easily while others struggle to meet similar demands. That difference relates to resilience, or grit: the ability to overcome and draw strength from difficult situations. “At our most resilient, we can surf the waves of change and stress rather than being swamped and drowned by them,” says Dr. Holly Rogers, a psychiatrist at Duke...

A few months ago I published a blog, " A Mother's Rage". I re-accounted my rage and helplessness regarding my daughter's high school rape in Miami, FL. I ended my post with words of hope. I wrote how several years had passed since my daughter's assault. She was now engaged and pregnant with my first grandchild.  This is the rest of the story. I held my daughter's hand as she labored through the night with my grandson. I tried to comfort her fiancee who felt helpless. I rubbed her back,...

Seven Ways to Help High Schoolers Find Purpose By Patrick Cook-Deegan | January 11, 2016 | 1 Comment Many students go through high school bored and unengaged. Patrick Cook-Deegan explains what a purpose-driven curriculum would look like. Over the past decade, I have had the chance to ask thousands of teenagers what they think about school. I’ve found that the vast majority of them generally feel one of two ways: disengaged or incredibly pressured. One thing nearly all teens agree on...

Registration is open for our webinars! The Devereux Center for Resilient Children has posted its FREE webinar schedule through June 2016. Register now to learn the most up-to-date information on promoting resilience in infants, toddlers, preschoolers, school-age youth, adults, and families!   http://www.centerforresilientchildren.org/home/informational-webinars/  

DECEMBER 31, 2015 - BY YTFG   “For these are all our children. We will all profit by, or pay for, whatever they become. ” - James Baldwin, Writer The Blueprint for Youth Justice Reform is a call to action to funders, policymakers, community leaders, system stakeholders, advocates, youth and families. We seek your bold leadership, your commitment and your voices as we work in partnership for youth justice reform.   Together, we can transform the way we respond to...

By Emma Brown January 17  Her eighth-grade classmate kept asking her to have sex in the bathroom. Tired of the badgering, she asked a teacher’s aide for help, and the aide outlined a plan: Lure the boy. Meet him in the bathroom. Catch him in the act. The 14-year-old girl agreed, but the impromptu sting operation went horribly wrong. Inside a bathroom stall at their Alabama middle school, the boy forced himself on her before anyone showed up to stop him. When nurses treated her,...

Adverse childhood experiences and associations with health-harming behaviours in young adults: surveys in eight eastern European countries Mark A Bellis,a Karen Hughes,a Nicola Leckenby,a Lisa Jones,a Adriana Baban,b Margarita Kachaeva,c Robertas...