Facing our fears is perhaps one of the most terrifying experiences a guy can have. Why is it so painful and daunting to look deep into that abyss? Is it because we're afraid we'll discover things about ourselves that we'll reject? It's painful enough if the World rejects you, so why would I delve deeper and run the risk of rejecting myself as well? Why would I walk straight into a burning house?
It's been 3 months now since Annie and I have been dating and things are going really well. Yet, cooler heads have prevailed and the both of us are pragmatic enough to know that it's still just 3 months. Prior to the Covid 19 pandemic, the both of us were making plans to travel together in May. Needless to say, that idea sunk like a rock to the bottom of the ocean, the moment #socialdistancing hit all our feeds overnight.
On The Healing Place Podcast this morning I had the chance to chat with hostess Teri Kamphaus Wellbrock raising awarenesss for guys about their mental health and encouraging men to take this time of isolation to learn more about themselves.
As an Asian male in his forties and a single dad to a teenage son, I've always felt it hasn't been easy to meet women that I can connect with. In addition, my track record of being in relationships has been far from stellar. As a childhood abuse survivor, I unknowingly took the pain I endured into my relationships. With zero self-awareness, I was insecure and needy, which resulted in a lot of angry outbursts and emotional abuse towards my partners.
Remember when we used to describe a person who was quiet and didn't show much emotion as the strong, silent type? What does that even mean? Is't it an oxymoron to be a strong, silent person especially when it comes to your mental health? I had this random thought this morning while driving into work and this is what I concluded.
The feeling of having a healthy supply of self-worth is something I can only imagine might have been more readily available, natural and automatic if I was able to see that in myself as a child. As an adult survivor of childhood abuse, self-worth was not supplied in healthy doses while growing up.
