My Body Belongs To Me (4 min)

Claudia Black, Lenore Terr, Gabor Mate...just some people that come to mind who were way ahead of their times. Now that there's a 'Trauma Informed Care Movement' going on and with the aid of social media there's opportunity for more rapid societal change. Thank goodness! 

Jeff, what an awesome explanation! The role patterns and dynamics of not talking, not trusting and not feeling are exactly descriptive of my family situation. And yes, I am the only one breaking that pattern and I'm the outcast for it. It's sickening I this day and age, but still reality. Which is why I see this 4 minute video lacking but also feel it opens the door to many more conversations that are NOT happening, even in 2013! Thanks so much for sharing that. Definitely resonating words.

Yes, thankx Fiona!...to add one last comment to the discussion (this has been powerful)...here is what I read this week in "It Will Never Happen To Me", "Children of Alcoholics as Youngster-Adolescents-Adults", 1981, Claudia Black, PH.D, M.S.W., pg 154, titled "Sexual Violence".  "Incest occurs in many homes, and in all socioeconomic classes.  It can be defined as inappropriate sexual behavior, usually perpetrated by an adult family member with a minor child, brought about by coercion, deception, or psychological manipulation.  It includes inappropriate touching, fondling, oral sex, and/or intercourse."  "Children are, naturally, inexperienced and vulnerable.  They have no frame of reference in which they can make judgements and tend to believe anything they are told.  their own sense of confusion makes them quick to accept blame for any given situation.  They naturally feel powerless in dealing with grown-ups, see themselves as unable to protect themselves, and do not perceive themselves as having available resources to protect them....the physical act of being victimized, combined with improper role modeling and nurturing, feelings of fear, guilt, and anger, lead to severe depression."  She follows with a statement that is repeated throughout the book, "..role patterns and dynamics of NOT TALKING, NOT TRUSTING, AND NOT FEELING often cause victims to repeat these psychological dynamics in adulthood."  This was in 1981 and we continue to work to break the cycle of abuse, neglect, maltreatment, and abandonment in our lives and the lives of our children.

Really great suggestions Fiona!

I think I'll point the people who made the video to this discussion. They might find some good ideas for additional videos. 

Hi folks, I support much of the praise for this video, it is indeed a good start for a complicated topic.  Like Brenda, I'd also like to see the topic extended to some of the other common forms of abuse, the obvious one for me in this context would be not just having your own "private parts" touched but being asked or required to touch someone else's.  One other bug-bear is about using the "right" names for things - can we please reclaim the term vulva?? The whole external genital area on girls is technically called the vulva - the vagina is internal and not all "bad touching" is penetrative.  And if someone touches a vagina, they'll be touching a vulva first. If we're going to try and teach our kids the "right" words for things, let's get the words right in the first place!

Brenda..first let me frame this by saying that I now live in a town of about 600 people.  I made the decision awhile ago to stop watching commercial television programing and go to the local library if I need to use the internet or check email.  Needless to say, the library has a filter on access to certain rated content, the old episodes of "I Dream of Jeannie" are about as riske' as it gets around here.  Therefore, I have been completely out of the loop in reference to your suggested watching, "The Great Porn Experiment", Gary Wilson.  Watched it last nite and "Make Love not Porn" and "10 Things You Didn't Know About Orgasm".  "Useful Information" would be an understatement....searching for a new therapist if you have any references for that too!  Thankx!

Found it Brenda...and a few more on the same subject...who would of thunk a provocative discussion like this would be on Ted too...just read Claudia Black again...."It will never happen to me"....she has some great exercises for uncovering/discovering/understanding how shame can control our lives (even us boys)...glad we are beginning to live in a different world today...

Another Kudo that I don't want to overlook or minimize is the fact that the video centers on a BOY! In our society, masculinity deeply interferes with a boy's ability to disclose CSA. They are supposed to "be a man" and fight if off. So they have MORE shame to deal with than girls. When they do disclose, it often times slowly, in bits, with many years separating full disclosure. So kudos for allowing the main character to be a boy.

Thankx Branda.!!  Those Ted Talks are great..just found them a couple months ago...like to download 'em then when there is time sit and enjoy the moment...giggle...

Jeff, there's a GREAT TED talk centered around the subject of porn called "The Great Porn Experiment". It doesn't deal w/children's exposure to,porn, but definitely lays out some convincing evidence that porn addiction negatively affects men and young men. You should watch it sometime!

Chris, I agree: for the intended audience, it's a great start to a LOT of great conversations! And yes, focusing on something geared directly at kids (this would make a great link for elementary schools to allow children to view any time -- I'd love to se MORE prevention-driven Internet links that schools can provide along w/reading, math, etc.

Brenda..Thankx for adding more awareness to this powerful issue.  Your point about children not knowing what is happening to them is a real trigger for adults still in recovery from CSA.  It's come to my attention that some families in our culture still leave publications out (Playboy) for children to explore.  Haven't found any peer reviewed literature on how this impacts a child's (particularly boys) understanding or aggression with regards to early sexual experiences.  Nevertheless, I have to remind myself that the culture we have created for children in this country is often different than what is found elsewhere in the world.  You have inspired me to do a search through the WHO for a study or publication.  If anyone has a resource please forward the info..thankx! 

Such great points, Brenda! I always appreciate hearing your thoughts. It's a simple video for a complex problem. At least it's a start. And for that I am grateful to the folks who made it. I hope they or others will try and tackle some of the other issues surrounding this problem. I did post the Oprah show about the young man who was groomed by a neighborhood perpetrator. Obviously it was a show intended for mature audiences unlike this video that was made for kids.

Chris, I too appreciate the video! What's missing for me is a discussion about the other less discussed forms of child sexual abuse -- showing porn, discussing sexual situations w/children too young to understand, and just the slow & gradual grooming through breaking boundaries over time w/a child who isn't going to understand that manipulation. In that regard, I think it is STILL the adults who have to take the responsibility for keeping children safe at all times. We train the adults first, especially when kids are at such a young age and don't have the communication skills to disclose (or don't even know what's happening to them yet).

Excellent points, Jeff! Thanks so much for posting!

Interesting how the issue of trust is inferred...in my experience, when children are victimized by an adult or adults, the child often feels safer with someone they consider a "protector friend".  Could be a classmate, sibling, or someone they know from a community program or neighborhood activity.  Of course age, emotional maturity, and cognitive development often determine how a child will interpret their personal experience and potentially generalize and associate the trauma with all "adults" or "peers".  This could be a factor in determining who the child determines is "safe" to share the experience with.  I believe it's our responsibility to help children understand the true meaning of terms such as "trust" and what that honestly feels like.

Yes, I liked this video, too, Jeff. The only thing it didn't address clearly enough for me is if the perpetrator is a parent. Wish they had used the word "trusted adult" a little bit more than "parents" and "teacher."

Thankx Chris for posting this kewl video!  It's a not so subtle reminder how shame/guilt can begin to control the early emotions...powerful experience when the child shares what happened with a trusted adult or protector friend!