Raymond Charles, childhood trauma survivor [17 min -- BadKamra]

Powerfully brave. And so articulate.  He covered all bases of abuse so well.

He demonstrated that abuse has so many common features into later adulthood. Disclosing, he said felt great.  But not everyone of course has a smooth run afterwards.  But it is of course better to do it.  I wondered what the perpetrator said to him, for him not to tell parents until an adult.  Did he have high ACEs as a child as well?  Was that why he was 'chosen'? Also the dissociation so that he couldn't  even remember exact dates/his age when abuse started, is so telling.  I also understood well what he said about being in a pool, having so many potential witnesses, yet no one seemed to know and HE had to put on the brave face.  All these witnesses, yet... That is a whole story in itself!

Again, it seems childhood trauma takes on such common patterns in behaviour afterwards, and for someone to tell you that your behaviour and thinking is a normal response after abuse, can be life affirming news.  Every survivor needs to hear it. But not everyone in your life may be sympathetic because of their own issues etc, so one needs to choose whom to disclose to carefully.  So many times it can seemingly reflect on you that it wasn't exactly your fault, BUT... They can think the abuser is somewhat innocent, can't be THAT bad surely, is an outstanding citizen, has ensured that you actually look the bad one because... Etc etc. Very clever narcissistic/psychopath manipulative behaviour (just the thinking of how to be able to 'groom' your victim is an example) -  ie it's so complex and very rarely can people rap their heads around the complexity, for a variety of reasons!

It's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault, is a mantra that takes a long time to truly sink in.  Conquer that, and one is well and truly on their way to full healing.  I really liked his analogy of the garden mess.  You didn't do it, but you need to clean it up if you don't want it around!