Domestic violence perpetrators treatment

Although ACES specifically refer to children, you cannot separate domestic violence from child abuse.  A perpetrator who lacks empathy and feels entitled to hurt their partner or ex-partner will also hurt their children without remorse.  At the National Alliance for Targeted Parents, we have found that the psychological (emotional) abusive strategies that a perpetrator/parent uses on their partner are the same strategies that they use on their children.  Specifically, narcissistic/borderline partners/parents manipulate and exploit their family's emotional needs undermining their self-esteem and confidence.  Duluth's post separation wheel is an accurate description of what happens when a domestically abused parent tries to leave a narcissistic/borderline abuser to protect the children.  Children of a narcissistic/borderline parent have ACE scores of 7-8+.  However, because parents and partners with these personality disorders have the ability to mimic or mirror appropriate emotional responses in public,  they are never stopped.

While it may be true that a subset of batterers have Narcissistic/Borderline personality features, there are others who don't have that personality constellation or degree of malevolence.  We (a trauma center with programs for child sex abuse survivors, adults with child sex abuse histories, children and adults with a history of DV, youth with problematic sexual behaviors) are interested in helping a Batterers program based in our local probation department become trauma informed, and are thinking about ways to screen for trauma.  Considering using the ACE screen or the Life Events Checklist, and whether a PO or a clinician should administer it (balancing the optimal with the pragmatic).

Dear Liane,

How do you know whether or not a batterer has a narcissistic/borderline personality disorder?  Do you have any statistics on this subset?  The majority of professionals including mental health professionals and family court judges cannot distinguish a narcissistic/borderline parent from a healthy parent.  I am not sure if anyone realizes that there are 32 million narcissistic/borderline adults in the U.S. alone.  There are 22 million targeted parents, who are people like me that married and had children with a narcissistic/borderline and didn't even know it until he had already caused so much psychological damage that my two children and I will struggle with physical and mental impairments the rest of our lives. 

I teach Parenting  and Anger Management to inmates and have found that part of the problem with the entire societal system is that the word 'violence' creates a misunderstanding of the problem.  I teach my students that the violence is only a small part of the overall problem. The overall predictable pattern of abuse is what needs to be recognized.  I have found that discussing a list of controlling personality behavior patterns is extremely effective in reducing the reluctance of offenders to say 'that ain't me'. Everyone will identify with a few things on the list but when every point hits home, that truth is hard to deny. Interestingly, I also teach court ordered classes on the 'outs' and find that my inmate students are easier to convince than the students I teach in the other classes.

The lifelong effects of ACEs are important to highlight as many perpetrators have not previously connected the dots as to the harm that they are causing as well as the harm that was caused to them predominately as children. Dr. Nadine Burke-Harris's TEDtalk turns into a very powerful show-stopper to drive home important points of the ACE effects.

The really difficult reality is that many people can be the abused in one relationship then turn around and be the abuser in the next relationship or there can also be co-combatants in one relationship. It is also important to highlight that abuse is not limited to romantic relationships: friends can be abusers, parents, grown children or siblings can be abusers as well as women. In a 2010 study from the CDC reviewing 18,000 calls placed to DV hotlines, 53% of the calls were placed by men.

Another issue that comes up repeatedly is that many people have no clue what a healthy relationship is suppose to look like. Many define controlling behaviors as love.

Douglas, I have designed a curriculum for CA standards (52-weeks) which incorporates the ACEs research and has shown very positive outcomes for high program retention.  I find that simply giving the clients an ACE questionnaire is just "information -sharing", whereas implementing a program designed to promote and help them achieve wellness will more likely break the intergenerational cycle of violence. The pilot project conducted 2011-12 resulted in 70% graduation and low recidivism for DV arrests (zero at 18-months post graduation and 10% at 3-years).

The book is titled "Another Way...Choosing to Change" and is available in both English and Spanish (pending).  You can use the Amazon feature to "look inside" to see how the curriculum is laid out.  I just reviewed the Technology for ACEs blog and it correlates with the curriculum design perfectly.

Additionally, I have trained probation officers in CA how to evaluate BIP's for more effective outcomes and have introduced the ACE questionnaire to them to consider these issues when supervising offenders.

Please feel free to contact me if you have other questions.

Dear Nada,

I could use your advice. I'm the Executive Director for an organization of
parents who are trying to protect our children from our abusive
ex-partner's harmful narcissistic/borderline behaviors. These are often
cases of purely psychological abuse and neglect.

I have also worked as an instructional/ curriculum designer and program
outcome administrator for the technical colleges in Wisconsin, when WTCS
switched paradigms from teaching to learning.

We are designing a program to stop the abuse and care for the family.
The protocol would have 3 main phases.
1. Rescue the children from the abuse.
2. Provide an evidenced based, trauma informed psychoeducational workshop
for the children and the nonabusive parent.


*3. Require the abuser to do something.---Ha Ha. This is what we don't
know. I'm sure that there are not programs specifically designed for
Cluster B abusers, but we are looking for some advice about part 3, so that
we can establish ways to safely reconnect the children with that parent
too. *


*I appreciate your thoughts. *


*Kay*

*targetedmom@gmail.com <targetedmom@gmail.com>*

On Wed, Jan 4, 2017 at 11:06 AM, ACEsConnection <
communitymanager@acesconnection.com> wrote:

Dear Kay,

While I know of "volunteers" who have entered programs using my curriculum design, it's rare, as most need more "incentive"!  I was asked to testify in a custody hearing regarding the need for abusive parents to attend a BIP prior to receiving non-supervised visitation.  Do you have that option?  I wrote an article which was published last year in the Journal of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers regarding colluding with batterers (Vol 28, #2). Let me know if you'd like to read it and I can send you a copy. As a result of my testimony the presiding judge of Family Law began requiring this order when appropriate.  Sometimes the judiciary just needs to be educated about the purpose of BIP's (it's not about reconciling the relationship, but helping the abusing parent change their behavior).  Lundy Bancroft is an excellent source for understanding this issue (he wrote Batterer as a Parent).

Because the research does reveal a % of abusers have Cluster B traits, I have attempted to address these issues with the curriculum/program design.  Obviously, we're not going to completely change this landscape, but I have been pleasantly surprised with the outcomes so far.  The program address' their own trauma/grief issues, et al, which then creates the nexus to discuss the effects on their own children.

Last year I trained therapists in an agency which conducts "Differential Response" for their county CPS referrals.  I agree that there needs to be ways to safely reconnect the children with the abusing parent, so feel free to email me at nyorke@outlook.com and I can send you the training outline and ideas you might be able to use.

best regards,

Nada

 

I had a similar experience as you did Lena, in working with inmates.  In fact, my program was initiated in a maximum security prison with voluntary participants. The research was published in the Journal of Offender Rehabilitation in Oct-2009 and recommends that jails/prisons need to use a BIP while they are in-custody.  Currently there is one program running in CA which is certified and allows for them to gain credit and eventually transfer into a community-based program to complete. I have recommended to CA probation officers that they consider this option when certifying provider programs.  I believe it will increase the completion rate if they are allowed to start while in-custody.

Interestingly, I had very little response in the prison when I advertised my research project as a "spousal abuse" class, but when I remarketed it as a "Healthy Relationship" class, I received a much warmer response.  While only 3 of the 23 participants actually had a DV conviction, the majority were able to recognize various abusive behaviors once we implemented the program.  So I agree with you that most don't know what a healthy relationship looks like or the difference between love and jealousy. I now train providers of my program to "identify the negative, but teach the positive"...as it was apparent to me that most abusers don't even know what "healthy" looks like or sounds like!

Good luck with you work...I really believe that reaching people while in custody is an effective way to stop the violence.  Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or if I can be of any help!  nyorke@outlook.com

best regards,

Nada

Thanks, Nada!  I purchased your book and am eager to look through it and learn.  I hope to do the same in the future - document my emerging curriculum.  You're my hero of the day!!  (And on this particular day, I desperately need a hero!!)  Beaming lots of Love and Light!  

Thank you Doug!  I'm not very "tech savvy" and just now saw your post!  Please email me when you can (nyorke@outook.com) and I will send you my second edition (no additional cost) which will include new lessons and is oriented to more secular audiences.  I will give you more information then. Glad to hear from you!

Nadia,  Any chance of that book coming out in an ereader format?  Living overseas it is easier  for me to download books.  A group i am in is in touch with a  DV  group.  Our group has several DV survivors in it.   I would pass it on to the DV group for their consideration. 

Thanks

Nora

Kay Johnson posted:

Dear Liane,

How do you know whether or not a batterer has a narcissistic/borderline personality disorder?  Do you have any statistics on this subset?  The majority of professionals including mental health professionals and family court judges cannot distinguish a narcissistic/borderline parent from a healthy parent.  I am not sure if anyone realizes that there are 32 million narcissistic/borderline adults in the U.S. alone.  There are 22 million targeted parents, who are people like me that married and had children with a narcissistic/borderline and didn't even know it until he had already caused so much psychological damage that my two children and I will struggle with physical and mental impairments the rest of our lives. 

There are indeed research studies looking at personality types in those who go on to commit intimate partner violence ---- it's been a while since I was involved in that area -- 20-30 years or so, but if you're prepared to survey the literature that far back you'll certainly find the studies -- and I'd be surprised if that literature hasn't been followed up.

Being a bit of an "old codger' myself, perhaps Donald Dutton -- probably now Professor Emeritus at UBC -- might be able to provide some further info -- he's got over 30 years of research in the literature. He might also have some research on the experience of adverse childhood experience in that group -- although it would have been done, mostly at least, without using things like the ACEsQ. I certainly remember his having included measures of such in his "Propensity for Abusiveness Scale".

Nora Gainey posted:

Nadia,  Any chance of that book coming out in an ereader format?  Living overseas it is easier  for me to download books.  A group i am in is in touch with a  DV  group.  Our group has several DV survivors in it.   I would pass it on to the DV group for their consideration. 

Thanks

Nora

Hi Nora. I'm sorry but the book is not in ereader format at his time.

Nada Yorke posted:

I had a similar experience as you did Lena, in working with inmates.  In fact, my program was initiated in a maximum security prison with voluntary participants. The research was published in the Journal of Offender Rehabilitation in Oct-2009 and recommends that jails/prisons need to use a BIP while they are in-custody.  Currently there is one program running in CA which is certified and allows for them to gain credit and eventually transfer into a community-based program to complete. I have recommended to CA probation officers that they consider this option when certifying provider programs.  I believe it will increase the completion rate if they are allowed to start while in-custody.

Interestingly, I had very little response in the prison when I advertised my research project as a "spousal abuse" class, but when I remarketed it as a "Healthy Relationship" class, I received a much warmer response.  While only 3 of the 23 participants actually had a DV conviction, the majority were able to recognize various abusive behaviors once we implemented the program.  So I agree with you that most don't know what a healthy relationship looks like or the difference between love and jealousy. I now train providers of my program to "identify the negative, but teach the positive"...as it was apparent to me that most abusers don't even know what "healthy" looks like or sounds like!

Good luck with you work...I really believe that reaching people while in custody is an effective way to stop the violence.  Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or if I can be of any help!  nyorke@outlook.com

best regards,

Nada

quoting ""spousal abuse" class, but when I remarketed it as a "Healthy Relationship" class, I received a much warmer response."

you mean people don't want to expose themselves to stigmatization from DV any more than they do with MH issues?!

but what would I know, only having worked in secure settings (prison / forensic MH settings) for more than 20 years

Nada Yorke posted:

I had a similar experience as you did Lena, in working with inmates.  In fact, my program was initiated in a maximum security prison with voluntary participants. The research was published in the Journal of Offender Rehabilitation in Oct-2009 and recommends that jails/prisons need to use a BIP while they are in-custody.  Currently there is one program running in CA which is certified and allows for them to gain credit and eventually transfer into a community-based program to complete. I have recommended to CA probation officers that they consider this option when certifying provider programs.  I believe it will increase the completion rate if they are allowed to start while in-custody.

Interestingly, I had very little response in the prison when I advertised my research project as a "spousal abuse" class, but when I remarketed it as a "Healthy Relationship" class, I received a much warmer response.  While only 3 of the 23 participants actually had a DV conviction, the majority were able to recognize various abusive behaviors once we implemented the program.  So I agree with you that most don't know what a healthy relationship looks like or the difference between love and jealousy. I now train providers of my program to "identify the negative, but teach the positive"...as it was apparent to me that most abusers don't even know what "healthy" looks like or sounds like!

Good luck with you work...I really believe that reaching people while in custody is an effective way to stop the violence.  Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or if I can be of any help!  nyorke@outlook.com

best regards,

Nada

quoting ""spousal abuse" class, but when I remarketed it as a "Healthy Relationship" class, I received a much warmer response."

you mean people don't want to expose themselves to stigmatization from DV any more than they do with MH issues?!  they don't want to rally around to be "blamed and shamed"?! -- not that I'm saying YOU would do that, but everybody else around them - as soon as they saw that title for the group

but what would I know, only having worked in secure settings (prison / forensic MH settings) for more than 20 years

Mr. Bonar,

The SAFE Counseling Program, Inc. in Langhorne, Pennsylvania (www.SupportiveAlliance.com) runs a trauma-sensitive BIP. John Anthony Bochnowicz began using this approach in 1982. He still practices today - and with impressive results ( I have to disclose I am his wife and run the program alongside him). We do get very excited when we hear about others who see the connection between ACEs and IPV. We would love to have a conversation with you. 

Vera T. Tzenova-Bochnowicz

Contact@SupportiveAlliance.com

Office: 215-750-0323

www.SupportiveAlliance.com

 

 

Vera T. Tzenova-Bochnowicz posted:

We do get very excited when we hear about others who see the connection between ACEs and IPV. We would love to have a conversation with you. 

Vera T. Tzenova-Bochnowicz

Contact@SupportiveAlliance.com

Office: 215-750-0323

www.SupportiveAlliance.com

 

 

as previously mentioned, Donald Dutton, from UBC, and who passed away just months ago, noted this connection decades ago, but had to suffer many years of suspicion and abuse himself for noting it, from "certain quarters" --- yet again an example of someone trying to introduce "trauma informed care" for perpetrators only to end up the victim of the very same sort of abuse he was trying to stop.

Nada Yorke posted:

Douglas, I have designed a curriculum for CA standards (52-weeks) which incorporates the ACEs research and has shown very positive outcomes for high program retention.  I find that simply giving the clients an ACE questionnaire is just "information -sharing", whereas implementing a program designed to promote and help them achieve wellness will more likely break the intergenerational cycle of violence. The pilot project conducted 2011-12 resulted in 70% graduation and low recidivism for DV arrests (zero at 18-months post graduation and 10% at 3-years).

The book is titled "Another Way...Choosing to Change" and is available in both English and Spanish (pending).  You can use the Amazon feature to "look inside" to see how the curriculum is laid out.  I just reviewed the Technology for ACEs blog and it correlates with the curriculum design perfectly.

Additionally, I have trained probation officers in CA how to evaluate BIP's for more effective outcomes and have introduced the ACE questionnaire to them to consider these issues when supervising offenders.

Please feel free to contact me if you have other questions.

@Nada Yorke,

I came across your work through Jane's article(https://www.pacesconnection.com/...d-men-and-women-heal). Congratulations on your excellent work! I just ordered your book as well from Amazon and I'm looking forward to studying it and learning more about your approach! 

Douglas Bonar posted:

Is anybody using the ACES research and information in treating court-ordered domestic violence offenders?  I am the director of a certified (by the State of FL) treatment program and I use a trauma-informed approach along with the mandated Power and Control Wheel (Duluth Model) and another wellness model of my own design.  I'm just wondering if there is another model specifically related to this population using the ACES research. 

Hey @Douglas Bonar, 

Did you see the recent article that @Jane Stevens wrote? It shares a couple of different programs that are showing great results. 

https://www.pacesconnection.com/...d-men-and-women-heal

Damon

Douglas Bonar posted:

Is anybody using the ACES research and information in treating court-ordered domestic violence offenders?  I am the director of a certified (by the State of FL) treatment program and I use a trauma-informed approach along with the mandated Power and Control Wheel (Duluth Model) and another wellness model of my own design.  I'm just wondering if there is another model specifically related to this population using the ACES research. 

I wrote a book "Lifetrap: From Child Victim to Adult Victimizer" and present a curriculum for DV offenders using Jeff Young's schema model of personality development that I wrote for the Wisconsin department of corrections. The model identifies the processes that developmental (family) violence leading to adult victimization. 

Linda Nauth   pnauth@charter.net

Hi, Linda: After this discussion, I wrote an article about programs that integrate ACEs science:

https://www.pacesconnection.com...d-men-and-women-heal

Did anyone there read my book? Lifetrap: From Child Victim to Adult Victimizer. I believe it is important to identify the processes underlying child victimization to adult perpetration if we are going to stop the intergenerational cycle.