Fundraiser for mom wanting to seek treatment for PTSD

Miriam NjokuMember

Hello Dear Community,

I have decided to seek treatment to truly heal from past traumas, you can find the fundraiser here: https://www.mightycause.com/story/Maecuf

Please consider donating, I would be very grateful to you.

This is the beginning of the text I wrote:

I wish to seek specialist treatment for posttraumatic stress disorder, depression and anxiety. Indeed, I have been suffering from depression probably since I was 10 years old but I kept it all hidden and now that I have three daughters, it is urgent for me to heal from my past traumas so that I can be the mother I never had to my daughters who, like every child in the world, deserve to grow up with safe and loving caregivers. I try my best but motherhood has been very triggering for me and pushed me into a deep depression during and after each of my pregnancies, bringing back memories of my own childhood. I realized the deep nature of the pain I carry and that how much it could impact my children only after I became a mother. I believe I am not a good mother, live in fear that my children will be sexually attacked by a predator and struggle with the idea they will ask me to go and have a sleepover at somebody’s house. I am so depressed and disconnected that I cannot work and I am in a dissociated state most days.

12/16/2112:27 PM

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Carey SippFormer Director of Strategic Partnerships

Miriam,

You are very brave and you are such a brilliant and gifted writer. I have loved reading your posts to PACEs Connection.
I commend you for asking for help. It is a challenging journey to find out more about one’s trauma, and to go further on the path to healing. I didn’t realize the extent of my developmental trauma — heck, I didn’t even know what developmental trauma was! — until I was 60 years old. There was some intense grief around those discoveries. There were a lot of “aha!” moments. And there were a lot of tears. The recovery tools we talk about, experts talk about: good rest, support, good food, community, spiritual support, journaling, finding some healthy hobbies, exercise, spending time in nature — they all helped. Time helped. Being vulnerable and telling the truth about how some of the behaviors that helped as a baby and as a child — disassociating being one of the most reliable — hurt me as an adult. Moving quickly and staying in my head helped for years, but was not the way I wanted to live the rest of my life. Burying myself in work was a great fix for decades, but would not serve me and give me the kinds of relationships I wanted. So I had to go backward a bit to go forward. It was worth it. It is worth it.

Please keep sharing your beautiful writing. It will help. Knowing your words help others is a therapy in and of itself.

I hope you receive the funding you need.
i will help share the word and make a small gift.

Please share one of your favorite posts in your appeal? I believe it will be uplifting.

Peace and I wish you well.

Carey

12/18/217:12 PM

Miriam NjokuMember

Dear @Carey Sipp,

Thank you for your kind words. I feel encouraged to keep seeking healing. Thank for sharing your journey with me, it is helpful. Yes, there is a lot of grief when we finally understand what has happened. I struggle so much with triggers and the pandemic is not helping. I am grateful to you for offering to share the link and maybe making a donation yourself. I wish you a great Holiday season. Great idea for me to include my writing in the fundraiser, I will do that.

12/20/215:00 PM