I was wondering how you respond when you see someone who could use some guidance on how to be a better parent.
I was at a dog park recently when I saw a mother who was emotionally neglectful with her three-year-old daughter. Upon entering the park, her daughter fell on the ground and started crying. People at the park expressed concern for the seemingly injured girl, but the mom was dismissive and ignored the daughter. The cycle repeated itself during their visit, with the daughter constantly falling and/or crying out for the mother, and all the while repeatedly being ignored. Another dog owner vented her frustration to me about the way the mother was acting, before leaving the park without saying anything. I didn't say anything to the mother, either, because I wasn't sure how to skillfully talk to her. All I did was talk to the girl and let her give treats to my dog and pet him.
There is sadly a taboo against getting involved in someone else's "nuclear family," especially if it's not in a clinical setting. It's an isolating social rule and is probably a major barrier that you try to dismantle in this community.
I want to do more when I run into this scenario in the future. I've read about ACEs research showing that children like that girl will be more likely to grow up with depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and potentially other problems because of a lack of attunement and lack of nurturing from the caregiver. The way I've heard it described, parents ARE the child's nervous system at that age, and when they are too busy or are emotionally absent, the child suffers lasting effects.
Most likely the mother suffered from ACEs herself, and would've been offended if I tried to talk to her about her parenting style. Maybe she was just having a bad day. Nonetheless, if there's a 5% chance that I could help give such children a better future, I think it's worth trying.
I'm wondering how you have approached this situation? What would you say to the mom? Is there a website that you provide to parents who want to learn more about becoming a better parent? Any advice would be appreciated!
