Resources for being a trauma-informed family member?

Laura,

I've attached different materials that I've used with or provided to family members in sessions, regarding trauma informed caregiving. Hope these help.

I love the work (documentary, book, support materials) of Angela Shelton very helpful in trying to have a healthy relationship with my daughter-in-love who is a survivor or childhood abuse:  http://www.healingworkbook.com/

Dear Laura:

What a wonderful question. I'm always thinking about trauma-informed parenting, from the perspective of the parent with trauma but also, what about the spouse or the extended family? 

This is from a friend perspective. 

http://psychcentral.com/blog/a...r-non-professionals/

On a more personal note, I can say that as someone with ACEs, I get frustrated with my own self, my own reactions, my own defenses. It's helpful to think of the trauma as the cause of the conflict rather than the trauma survivor. What I mean, is if someone is injured in the Boston Marathon, and requires crutches or assistance, that can get be hard and frustrating, for all. But the cause of the hard is known and clear. 

I think, when traumas are more invisible or shameful or not talked about, that can be missed and instead we focus a lot on how the person could, should or might be doing better. 

I do not mean that if I am in crisis I am not responsible for myself, my choices and understanding how to manage my diagnosis, issues and relationships. However, I also know that is tricky and complicated.

I think of myself sometimes as speaking another language as someone. I'm focused on speaking survival, safety and pain relief and so what is important and gets priorities for me might look a lot different than someone who is not focused on those things and/or who doesn't have years to decades of ways of surviving that are scary to consider letting go while also learning new ways and trying to do that with people who may or may not relate or get it. 

I think it's helpful to think, "What do we have to learn from each other?" Like what can they teach me about living to survive and what can I teach them about living while feeling safe and how can we translate and share. That connecting, caring, sharing and learning from one another is the healing. And that can be done doing very fun or light or joyful things not only by "processing" or a loved one having to be "trauma informed." It's EVERYONE being more trauma informed and just acknowledging what traumatic stress does to people but also to relationships. 

And it's so hard and it's SO IMPORTANT and I LOVE this question. That's my two cents. Cissy

I love this, thank you. It is complicated when its close to home. And yes, my own reactions and thots can frustrate me at times. 

Thanks again

I recently received an update from SPSCOT (State Personnel Systems Coalition On Trauma), after a lengthy period of little, if any, active posts. Hopefully, we'll see renewed activity there, as well.

http://lynnenamka.com/ Lynne Namka is a psychologist in Tucson Arizona who shares a wealth of free resources for parents, children and professionals alike on her website. I've used her free printables with clients, staff and friends for over 10 years. I appreciate her down-to-earth approach.

Closer to home, I've found codependent recovery work (the complete 12 steps with a good sponsor) and the practice of boundaries to be most helpful. When we realize we cannot change others, we 're free to love them, forgive, have patience and make healthier choices about how we engage in relationships. The 12 steps teach emotional intelligence, a key ingredient to resilience building, and help us restore or strengthen serenity in our own lives. Clearly I'm a huge fan. Melody Beattie is a trusted and beloved author on the subject; she speaks from her own growth through lived experiences as well as the lived experiences of others. Her books might be a helpful place for anyone to begin building trauma-informed skills for healthier relationships.-e

This post made me wonder what it would look like to be a "trauma informed community member." When I have taught in various communities about what it means to integrate the understanding of ACEs Science into practice with anyone from caregivers to teachers to judges to social service workers, the conversation around when being this way ends and when it begins. For me, being Trauma Informed simply means practicing compassion and prioritizing connection and understanding over my own ego. I take a pause when I realize that I am going back into one of my stress coping habits. I tend to teach (imagine that) and not ask questions. With the consciousness of that as an unhelpful habit, I try to shut my mouth and listen! When I notice my body shutting itself off from others or moving away, I intentionally take a step forward and un-cross my arms. After taking a deep breath, of course.

How do others see this concept?

~Andi

Listening, stepping forward, taking a deep breath, leaning in.....That's good advice, Andi!

Excellent question Laura! and so critically imperative as we transform our communities with hope and healing. Thinking of our parent leaders at Cherokee Point Elementary in City Heights (San Diego), their trauma informed - resilience building journey depicts their learning and sharing with each other as they deepened their understanding of the ACEs sciences and impact of community trauma.

Please find a video clip of their journey for your perusal (please know it's in Spanish also).

https://www.pacesconnection.com/...nglish-16-30-minutes

Our parent leaders have evolved, with collective efficacy, as they inspire preschool and elementary school parents with their own healing journey.

Love Andi's "trauma informed community member". As our tipping point draws closer, every community needs to be trauma informed and just as importantly, build resilience individually as they advocate and influence organizationally and systemically.